Copyright © 2014 by Katherine Schwarzenegger All rights reserved. Published in the United States by Crown Archetype, an imprint of the Crown Publishing Group, a division of Random House LLC, a Penguin Random House Company, New York. www.crownpublishing.com Crown Archetype and colophon is a registered trademark of Random House LLC. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication data is available upon request. ISBN 978-0-385-34720-4 eBook ISBN 978-0-38534721-1 Jacket design by Jessie Sayward Bright v3.1 I dedicate this book to every person being asked the world’s most annoying question; “SO NOW WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?” Whether you’re facing that dreaded question after high school, college, or quitting a job, have faith that you will figure it out and that you are not the first person to be in the position that you are in right now. There have been many people before you, and will be many after, who feel like they have no idea what to do with their life. Just breathe (and read this book). You will know what to do when the time is right. Good luck! Contents Cover Title Page Copyright Dedication INTRODUCTION Anderson Cooper “THE PEOPLE I ADMIRE MOST HADN’T REALLY FOLLOWED A PARTICULAR PATH.” Eva Longoria “YOUR DEGREE IS JUST A STEPPING-STONE.” John Legend “IT’S NOT WRONG TO BE AFRAID.” Sara Blakely “IF I HADN’T BOMBED OUT ON THE LSAT EXAM, I WOULD NEVER HAVE REDIRECTED MY LIFE TO COME UP WITH SPANX.” Blake Mycoskie “WHEN YOU ARE GOOD AT SOMETHING, THE MONEY ALWAYS FOLLOWS.” Jennifer Meyer “WHAT’S BETTER THAN BLOWING MONEY ON YOUR DREAM?” Bear Grylls “THE PATH LESS TRAVELED ALWAYS MAKES FOR A MORE INTERESTING JOURNEY.” Lauren Bush Lauren “IT MAY TAKE THREE OR FOUR JOBS TO DISCOVER YOUR TRUE CAREER PATH.” Brad Wollack “IT’S IMPORTANT TO FIND ONE PERSON WHO BELIEVES IN YOU.” Jillian Michaels “REJECTION IS GOD’S PROTECTION.” Andy Cohen “WHEN I GOT MY FIRST JOB, I FELT LIKE A SUCCESS FOR GETTING THAT JOB, AND EVERY JOB I’VE HAD SINCE.…” Nicole Williams “GET PAST THE EXCUSES, NEWS, UNEMPLOYMENT RATE, AND STATISTICS.” Armin van Buuren “YOU NEED DISCIPLINE IF YOU WANT SOMETHING IN LIFE, AND THEN YOU NEED A PLAN TO GET IT.” Meghan McCain “I CONSIDER MYSELF MILDLY SUCCESSFUL BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO CONTINUE DOING THE THINGS I LOVE.…” Jared Eng “YOU ARE IN THE WRONG ROOM IF YOU ARE THE SMARTEST PERSON IN THE ROOM.” Laysha Ward “LEAVE THINGS BETTER THAN YOU FOUND THEM.” Darren Hardy “GO AFTER IT AND NEVER LOOK BACK.” Alli Webb “PURSUE WHAT YOU WANT AND NOT WHAT YOUR PARENTS WANT YOU TO DO.” Adam Braun “THERE IS A TIME AND PLACE TO CHOOSE MONEY OVER A LEARNING ENVIRONMENT, BUT YOU DO THAT WHEN THE MARGIN IS VERY BIG, AND THAT DOESN’T HAPPEN RIGHT OUT OF SCHOOL.” Maria Shriver “WORK HARD, BE LUCKY, BE AWAKE, AND NEVER THINK YOU ARE TOO GOOD TO DO X, Y, AND Z.” Matt Barkley “THE REAL WORLD CAN BE HARD AT TIMES, BUT I DON’T THINK PEOPLE ARE WILLING TO SACRIFICE ENOUGH.…” Cristina Carlino “IF YOU CAN’T HANDLE FAILURE OR BEING WRONG, YOU WILL NEVER SUCCEED.” Mike Swift “START A MOVEMENT, NOT A TREND.” Serena Williams “IT’S IMPORTANT TO PAY ATTENTION TO THINGS THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY. YOUR QUALITY OF LIFE DEPENDS ON YOUR ATTITUDE TOWARD THE THINGS THAT HAPPEN TO YOU.” Arnold Schwarzenegger “THE MOST IMPORTANT THING FOR ALL OF US IS NOT MONEY. IT IS FEELING PRODUCTIVE.” Gayle King “YOU WON’T LOVE EVERY JOB YOU HAVE OVER THE YEARS, AND YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO.” Candace Nelson “YOU DON’T BECOME AN ENTREPRENEUR IF YOU DON’T APPRECIATE A CHALLENGE.” Ron Bergum “ONCE YOU GRADUATE, FINANCIAL INDEPENDENCE IS YOUR OBLIGATION.” Ben Kaufman “UNDERSTANDING WHY THINGS SUCCEED AND FAIL IS THE BEST SORT OF LEARNING YOU CAN DO.” Joe Kakaty Dealing with College Loan Debt “BE REALISTIC: VACATION OR SPRING BREAK, A CELL PHONE, AND CABLE TV ARE LUXURIES, NOT NECESSITIES.” Dr. Dan Siegel When Moving Home Meets Mixed Emotions LEARNING THE ROPES NOW WHAT? ACKNOWLEDGMENTS Introduction “Oh shit! I just graduated … Now what?” That was the overwhelming thought running through my head on the day I walked across the stage and received my diploma in communications from the Annenberg School at the University of Southern California. As I said good-bye to my friends and teachers, I felt terrified about closing the chapter and opening a new chapter in the real world. There were no feelings of great elation or relief among the many hugs and cheers. Instead, there was a feeling of total panic and paralyzing fear of the unknown. Picture a frozen smile on the outside melting into panic on the inside. Of course I was happy to be done with school, but I was in an unexpected state of shock. Every hug and congratulations on my graduation was complete with the question “What’s next?” The ink wasn’t even dry on my diploma! I know life is riddled with tough questions whose answers we don’t always know off the top of our heads. And the reality is, we will face these kinds of questions for most of our lives. It started when I was a junior in high school. It seemed everywhere I went, people asked me, “What did you get on the SAT?” “How did you do?” “Have you applied to college?” “What college are you planning to attend?” “Where are you going?” “What schools did you get accepted to?” Before being accepted to any colleges, I remember feeling lost and unsure because I didn’t know where I would end up after high school graduation. Rejection letters came, and so did acceptance letters. The University of Southern California was always at the top of my list, so as long as I was accepted, that would be my school of choice. After a lot of anxiety, USC accepted me. When I made my decision, I thought I’d gotten a reprieve from the annoying “What’s next?” questions, only to have them start again my junior year of college. “What will you do when you graduate?” “Did you get a job yet?” “Where are you going to live?” The closer graduation got, “What are you going to do now?” seemed to follow me wherever I went. I had been in school for so long, always going, studying, working, and volunteering. I was that annoying perfectionist who challenged myself to write a book, while in college, about women’s body image, something I and every girl struggles with. To say I spread myself thin doesn’t begin to describe how I felt during that time. In fact, at the beginning of my senior year, I felt like I was on autopilot. I planned to move to New York, get a job working in television, and continue my go-go-go mentality. But as my graduation neared, I began to hear a little voice inside me telling me, “Slow down, stop, whoa, take a beat, what are you doing?” I was like, Huh? Who is that? What the …? I had never done that. I am the kind of person who thrives on staying busy. I had my first job working in a boutique when I was fifteen and have always enjoyed working. I’d always had a clear vision of what my future looked like. From my earliest memories in elementary school, I plotted my course through middle school, high school, college, and beyond—right into my thirties. (Trust me, I am not the only person who does this. Most girls have their wedding planned in high school, right down to their dream husband, dream house, dream baby, and dream career that allows for all of this to happen! Guys I’ve spoken with have their own version of this too!) I could envision every aspect of my life that whole time, but I never planned on this confusing doubt, uncertainty, angst, and fear after college where for the first time in my life, there was absolutely nothing to see. As graduation approached, this tight-knot feeling about my future grew. Tums became my best friend. Luckily, my other best friend is my mom. We are very close and can talk about everything in an open and honest way. I told her how I was feeling confused and lost because I wasn’t sure about my next steps. I shared my fear about the unknown. Throughout my entire life, everything had always been planned out and there was always an order for what would come next. But now for the first time, there wasn’t any concrete plan for what I was “supposed to do” next, and that terrified me. So when I told my mom that I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do after graduating, instead of putting pressure on me, she eased my stress by telling me it was okay to take a beat. She suggested that I might just pause for the summer and revisit the “now what” question after Labor Day. “Pause. Now there’s an idea,” I thought. The idea of “pausing” wasn’t something I could really wrap my head around. I honestly didn’t even know if I could actually do that. I knew that “pausing” wasn’t something I felt I was programmed to do, but I wanted to explore it. Every time I told my mom I was worried, she assured me that she felt the same way when she graduated and that this fear happens to a lot of people—in fact, it happened to her. When my mom graduated from Georgetown University, she told me that she was also scared. She said that every time someone asked her, “Now what?” she beat herself up over not having THE answer. My mom even told me that she would make up stuff and began telling people she was going to law school even though she had no plans to go, just so they would be quiet. She made up this excuse just to keep people from asking her the question. Knowing she went through the same thing helped me in my search for my answer to the question. In fact, my mom took this concept of pausing and made it her theme when she gave the commencement speech at my graduation from the Annenberg School at USC in May 2012, in which she offered the following advice to all of us listening that day: … I know right now everybody’s asking you those same questions: “What are you going to do after graduation? Do you have a job? Where will you be working? How much are they paying? Where are you going? Where will you be living? Who are you seeing?” Oh, my God—so many questions! And here you are: sitting there ready to hit the Fast Forward button and find out the answers. I get that. I was just LIKE you: I lived on Fast Forward. But today, I have one wish for you. Before you go out and press that Fast Forward button, I’m hoping—I’m praying—that you’ll have the courage to first press the Pause button. That’s right: the Pause button. I hope if you learn anything from me today, you learn and remember … The Power of the Pause. Pausing allows you to take a beat—to take a breath in your life. As everybody else is rushing around like a lunatic out there, I dare you to do the opposite. I, like my friends who were all sitting in the room intently taking in her message that memorable day, realized that what my mom was encouraging us to do was the absolute perfect advice. She spoke about how the question “What are you going to do?” follows us our whole lives. It comes in many forms, but it’s always there. No matter what you do, or how much you accomplish, there will always be someone there to ask you, “So what now?” “When are you going to get a promotion?” “When are you getting married?” “When are you going to have a baby?”