Portions of this book were previously published in 1996 by Random House (Times Books) as Power Plays. Here’s what the reviewers had to say about what you’ll discover in How to Win Any Negotiation Without Raising Your Voice, Losing Your Cool, or Coming to Blows. The book “is packed with relationship strategies that will connect you more persuasively and effectively with customers, employees, even competitors.” —Success magazine “Bob Mayer is a well-known Los Angeles attorney who has practiced for years in the thick of the toughest negotiating environments….What really sets this book apart is …’The Deal-Maker’s Playbook.’ This section lays out the broad outlines of many common and specific negotiating situations. You probably will benefit if you find yourself in one these situations in the near future: negotiating the purchase or lease of a new or used car, house, or appli- ance; and dealing with employers, cohabiters, soon-to-be spouses or ex-spouses, the IRS, landlords, and many other potential adversaries or collaborators.” —BookPage, America’s book review magazine “Mayer’s view…is to plan several movies ahead, ‘making offers and counterof- fers which will naturally lead to the other person’s propensity to accepted your precalculated compromise proposal…. Expert tips for effective negotiating.” —Chicago Tribune “Imagine picking up a book that will, through simple examples, show you how to be a power person, a deal doer and a winner….Mayer provides the confidence to negotiate without fear, knowing that you’re prepared for any- thing the opposition can throw your way.” —News-Herald Newspapers “We like the straightforward, no-nonsense style. Thanks for a valuable refer- ence tool!” —Small Business Opportunities magazine “He has negotiated for actors, authors, and athletes, in addition to corporate clients. Drawing on his experience ‘doing deals’ he offers his secrets here.” —Booklist magazine published by the American Library Association “Mayer describes “intriguing ways to break a deadlock or come up with hard figures acceptable to both sides.” .…He “really finds his voice in the section he calls the ‘Playbook’, a list of ‘tips, tricks and tactics’ for negotiating discounts on appliances…, surviving an I.R.S audit and…much, much more.” —The New York Times “A primary selection.” —Executive Book Club And here’s what others had to say…. “The ideal how-to-negotiate primer and a must-read for every dealmaker or dealmaker-to-be.” —Al Lapin, Jr., Founder, International House of Pancakes (IHOP); Past president, International Franchise Association H o w t o W i n A n y N e g o t i a t i o n WWWWWiiiiittttthhhhhooooouuuuuttttt RRRRRaaaaaiiiiisssssiiiiinnnnnggggg YYYYYooooouuuuurrrrr VVVVVoooooiiiiiccccceeeee,,,,, LLLLLooooosssssiiiiinnnnnggggg YYYYYooooouuuuurrrrr CCCCCoooooooooolllll,,,,, ooooorrrrr CCCCCooooommmmmiiiiinnnnnggggg tttttooooo BBBBBlllllooooowwwwwsssss R O B E RT M AY E R Author of How to Win Any Argument THE CAREER PRESS, INC. Franklin Lakes, NJ Copyright © 2006 by Robert Mayer All rights reserved under the Pan-American and International Copyright Conventions. This book may not be reproduced, in whole or in part, in any form or by any means electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system now known or hereafter invented, without written permission from the publisher, The Career Press. HOW TO WIN ANY NEGOTIATION Cover design by 12 E Design, Howard Grossman Printed in the U.S.A. by Book-mart Press To order this title, please call toll-free 1-800-CAREER-1 (NJ and Canada: 201-848- 0310) to order using VISA or MasterCard, or for further information on books from Career Press. The Career Press, Inc., 3 Tice Road, PO Box 687, Franklin Lakes, NJ 07417 www.careerpress.com Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Mayer, Robert, 1939 How to win any negotiation without raising your voice, losing your cool, or coming to blows / by Robert Mayer. p. cm. Includes index. ISBN-13: 978-1-56414-920-6 ISBN-10: 1-56414-920-X HD58.6.M379 2006 658.4’052—dc22 2006012476 My life at home is shared with a caring and beautiful woman, my wife, Beverly. My life at work is shared with two caring and talented lawyers, my daughter, Melissa, and my son, Steve. It is to them that this book is dedicated with love. This page intentionally left blank Acknowledgments The book you’re holding was a great critical success. One reason was Karl Weber’s insightful editing. Though updated and retitled, you will feel Karl’s artful touch on every page. If your first wish is to write a great “how-to” book, then your second wish should be to have an agent with Mike Snell’s savvy and sense of commitment. Karl and Mike, I again thank you. This page intentionally left blank Contents Introduction: So You Want to Tilt the Playing Field........................................13 PART I Soft Touch: Finessing, Influencing, and Persuading Others 1 Winning Is a Mindset: The Great Wallenda Effect....................................17 Winning begins with your inner self. 2 Linkage: The Stealth Factor.................................................................19 Linkage strategies are relationship strategies designed to make it possible for you to lead and persuade. 3 Alignment: Soar Points.......................................................................25 Alignment techniques play against and harness the other person’s energy while establishing a pattern of agreement. 4 Needs: Making Your Ideas Irresistible...................................................29 In the quest to satisfy our psychological needs, we are guided by emotion rather than reason. It is this quest for satisfaction that energizes the persuasive process. 5 Control: How to Listen So People Will Talk and Talk So People Will Listen.....33 There is a quantum difference between speech and persuasion. Speaking is about giving out information. Persuasion is about getting through. It is about control.