Praise for How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk   “T HE PARENTING BIBLE.” —T B G HE OSTON LOBE “W ILL BRING ABOUT MORE COOPERATION FROM CHILDREN THAN ALL THE ” YELLING AND PLEADING IN THE WORLD. —T C S M HE HRISTIAN CIENCE ONITOR “A N EXCELLENT BOOK THAT’S APPLICABLE TO ANY RELATIONSHIP.” —T W P HE ASHINGTON OST “P RACTICAL, SENSIBLE, LUCID . . . THE APPROACHES FABER AND MAZLISH LAY OUT ARE SO LOGICAL YOU WONDER WHY YOU READ THEM WITH SUCH A ” BURST OF DISCOVERY. —T F J HE AMILY OURNAL “AN EXCEPTIONAL WORK, NOT SIMPLY JUST ANOTHER ‘HOW-TO’ BOOK . . . ALL PARENTS CAN USE THESE METHODS TO IMPROVE THE EVERYDAY .” QUALITY OF THEIR RELATIONSHIPS WITH THEIR CHILDREN —F W S -T ORT ORTH TAR ELEGRAM 30th–Anniversary Edition Updated with new insights from the next generation Y OU CAN STOP FIGHTING WITH YOUR CHILDREN! Here is the bestselling book that will give you the know-how you need to be more effective with your children—and more supportive of yourself. Enthusiastically praised by parents and professionals around the world, the down-to-earth, respectful approach of Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish makes relationships with children of all ages less stressful and more rewarding. Now, in this thirtieth-anniversary edition, these award- winning experts share their latest insights and suggestions based on feedback they’ve received over the years. Their methods of communication—illustrated with delightful cartoons showing the skills in action—offer innovative ways to solve common problems. You’ll learn how to:   • Cope with your child’s negative feelings —frustration, disappointment, anger, etc. • Express your anger without being hurtful • Engage your child’s willing cooperation • Set firm limits and still maintain goodwill • Use alternatives to punishment • Resolve family conflicts peacefully Internationally acclaimed experts on communication between adults and children, A F and E M have won the gratitude of DELE ABER LAINE AZLISH parents and the enthusiastic endorsement of the professional community. The authors‘ group workshop programs and videos produced by PBS are being used by parents and teachers around the world to improve relationships with children. They studied with the late child psychologist Dr. Haim Ginott and are former members of the faculty of the New School for Social Research and the Family Life Institute of Long Island University. They currently reside in Long Island, New York, and each is the parent of three children.   MEET THE AUTHORS, WATCH VIDEOS AND MORE AT SimonandSchuster.com • THE SOURCE FOR READING GROUPS •   JACKET DESIGN BY REX BONOMELLI JACKET ILLUSTRATION BY KIMBERLY ANN COE COPYRIGHT © 2012 SIMON & SCHUSTER Other Books by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish Between Brothers and Sisters: A Celebration of Life’s Most Enduring Relationship Liberated Parents/Liberated Children: Your Guide to a Happier Family Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too How to Talk So Kids Can Learn: At Home and at School How to Be the Parent You Always Wanted to Be How to Talk So Teens Will Listen & Listen So Teens Will Talk Books for Children Bobby and the Brockles Bobby and the Brockles Go to School   Visit Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish at www.fabermazlish.com Scri bner A Division of Simon & Schuster, Inc. 1230 Avenue of the Americas New York, NY 10020 www.simonandschuster.com Copyright © 1980 by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. Afterword to 1999 edition by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. Afterword to 2012 edition by Joanna Faber. All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information address Scribner Subsidiary Rights Department, 1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020. First Scribner hardcover edition February 2012 SCRIBNER and design are registered trademarks of The Gale Group, Inc., used under license by Simon & Schuster, Inc., the publisher of this work. The Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau can bring authors to your live event. For more information or to book an event contact the Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau at 1-866-248-3049 or visit our website at www.simonspeakers.com. Library of Congress Control Number: 80051248 ISBN 978-1-4516-6387-7 ISBN 978-1-4516-6389-1 (ebook) Thank you for purchasing this Scribner eBook. Sign up for our newsletter and receive special offers, access to bonus content, and info on the latest new releases and other great eBooks from Scribner Books and Simon & Schuster. or visit us online to sign up at eBookNews.SimonandSchuster.com Contents Acknowledgments A Letter to Readers How to Read and Use This Book Chapter 1. Helping Children Deal with Their Feelings Chapter 2. Engaging Cooperation Chapter 3. Alternatives to Punishment Chapter 4. Encouraging Autonomy Chapter 5. Praise Chapter 6. Freeing Children from Playing Roles Chapter 7. Putting It All Together What’s It All About, Anyway? Afterword Many Years Later I. The Letters II. Yes, but . . . What if . . . How about . . . ? III. Their Native Tongue 30th Anniversary The Next Generation Some Books You May Find Interesting For Further Study . . . Index