Thank You! In many ways, numerous Jewish professionals and scholars helped with this project. I am grateful to all of them for lending their wisdom and support to this book. They gave of their time, shared their knowledge, and provided invaluable words of encouragement to me to continue and complete this project. They are listed with their position when this book was being written. They include: Rabbi Kassel Abelsonof the Rabbinical Assembly, Gad Ben Ariof the World Zionist Organization, Marcia Bloomberg of the Jewish Federation of Cleveland, Rabbi Nina Cardin from Sh’ma Magazine and the National Center for Jewish Healing, Rabbi Norman J. Cohen of Hebrew Union College (HUC), Irving Cramerof Mazon, Rabbi Joseph Edelheit of Temple Israel (Minneapolis), David W. Epsteinof The American Rabbi, Rabbi Jerome Epstein of United Synagogue of America, Allan Finkelstein of the Jewish Community Center Association, Rabbi Lori Forman of the New York City Federation for Jewish Service, Rabbi Herb Friedman of the Wexner Heritage Foundation, author Blu Greenberg, J.J. Greenberg of the Jewish Life Network, Rabbi Yitz Greenberg of the National Jewish Center for Learning and Leadership (CLAL), Dru Greenwood of the UAHC-CCAR Department of Outreach, Rabbi Irwin Groner of the Shaarey Zedek Congregation (Detroit), Rabbi Hayim Herring of the Minneapolis Federation for Jewish Service, Carolyn Hessel of the Jewish Book Council, Dr. Larry A. Hoffman of HUC, Avraham Infeld of the Melitz Institute (Jerusalem), Rabbi Rob Kahn of Beth El Synagogue (Minneapolis), Max Kleinman of the MetroWest Federation for Jewish Service, author Leslie Koppelman Ross, Lydia Kukoff of the Jewish Community Center on the Upper West Side (New York), Rabbi Irwin Kula of CLAL, Rabbi Nathan Laufer of the Wexner Heritage Foundation, Rabbi David Lieber of the University of Judaism, Rabbi Aryeh Meir of the American Jewish Committee, Dr. Carl Sheingoldof the Council of Jewish Federations (CJF), Rabbi Alan Silverstein of the Rabbinical Assembly, author and scholar Rabbi Joseph Telushkin, Dr. Gary Tobin of Brandeis University, Jonathan Woocher of the Jewish Educational Society of North America, and Rabbi Gerald Zelizer of Neve Shalom (New Jersey). I give credit and thanks to these people for helping make this book a reality. They provided me with hundreds of suggestions for this book, and even though I did not include every suggestion, I carefully considered each and every one. Therefore, any errors or omissions in this book are, of course, my responsibility. i H O W T O GET MORE OUT OF BEING JEWISH E V E N I F : A. You are not sure you believe in God, B. You think going to synagogue is a waste of time, C. You think keeping kosher is stupid, D. You hated Hebrew school, or E. All of the above! by Gil Mann Minneapolis, Minnesota, USA A Friendly Copyright Notice ©2004 Gil Mann All rights reserved. Even though most copyright notices say all kinds of mean things about not reproducing the book in any form, I not only wouldn’t mind if you photocopy parts of this book, I would be thrilled if you do. All I ask is that you tell people where this material came from. (There is one exception: I have reprinted an excerpt from Paul Johnson’s A History of the Jews ©1987 by Paul Johnson, with the kind permission of HarperCollins Publishers, Inc. You, too, will need their permission to reprint it). If you want copies of the entire book, it’s easier and probably cheaper to buy nice pretty printed originals (discounts are available for 3 or more copies). To order books call 1-800-304-9925. Thanks! 7th Edition Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Mann, Gil How to get more out of Being Jewish Even If: Bibliography; p. ISBN 0-9651709-1-8 1. Judaism. 2. Jewish way of life. 3. Jews—Attitudes. 4. Jews—Identity. 5. Judaism—20th Century—United States. 6. Jews—Secularism. 7. Spiritual life—Judaism. I. Title. 296.74M281 Library of Congress Record # 96-75728 10 9 8 Printed in the United States of America by: Leo & Sons Publishing ADivision of On Line Marketing, Inc. 175 Oregon Avenue South Minneapolis, MN 55426 Phone: 763-545-3666 Phone: 1-800-304-9925 Fax: 763-542-0171 Email: [email protected] Website: www.BeingJewish.org iv Dedication This book is dedicated with love to: My parents Vivian and Arie Mann and Leonard and Fay Ribnick for giving me Jewish roots and nourishment, My wife Debbie who is always giving to me beyond what I ask or deserve, and My kids: Josh, Nomi, Danny and Shosh who give me frequent happiness, an occasional sleepless night and constant reminding of what really matters in life. v Contents Chapter 1....................................................................................................1 The Birth of This Book Chapter 2..................................................................................................15 “What Is Judaism Anyway?” Chapter 3..................................................................................................35 “I’m Not Even Sure I Believe in God” Chapter 4..................................................................................................57 “There’s No Spirituality for Me in Synagogues and Prayer” Chapter 5..................................................................................................83 “I Have a Love-Hate Relationship With the Jewish Community” Chapter 6................................................................................................103 “The Jewish Code of Behavior Is Out of Touch and Out of Date” Chapter 7................................................................................................129 “Hebrew School Was Worthless and Boring” Parting Comments................................................................................152 vii A Few Notes About This Book From the Author I admit this is not your normal book. The unusual title alone may have tipped you off, or maybe it was the friendly copyright notice on page iv. Inside, you will quickly see that there is more that is atypical. For example, this book is both fiction and nonfiction. Plus, most of the book is written in an unconventional format: dialogue. To help you get the most out of your reading, I offer the following brief tidbits. Who is this book for? If you are Jewish, there is a good chance you will find something of value in this book. More specifically, this book has something for you if any of the following describe you: •You chose any of the answers (Athrough E) in the title of this book, •You care about being Jewish but have a hard time explaining why, •You feel proud to be Jewish but are not sure how to instill that pride in yourchildren or grandchildren, •You feel bad or guilty in any way about your Judaism, •You’re not sure how you feel about your Judaism, •You’re active as a professional or volunteer in a Jewish organization or institution, •You’re in love with a Jewish person, or •You’re just curious about Judaism. viii What will you get out of this book? Everyone is different, of course, but at the very least, you will learn how others see and understand their Judaism. You will likely find that many of your sentiments and questions about Judaism are shared by others. This should give you comfort. If you are a professional or lay leader in a Jewish organization, you will gain some insight into what many “Jews on the street” are thinking. Finally, whether you consider yourself to be actively practicing Judaism or not, you will also likely find some answers and ideas about Judaism that are new and helpful. How to read this book. I suggest that you first read chapters 1 and 2. After that, you could read the chapters in any order. Most people have told me that they prefer to read only one or two chapters in a sitting to better digest the dialogue. On the other hand, others have told me they quickly read from cover to cover. I have also been amazed (and touched) by the number of people who have told me they read the book twice —once quickly and the second time slowly. One person even told me he read parts of the book out loud at his Passover seder. You have a lot of options. What’s the point of this book? One person who read an early manuscript sent me a note that summed up the point of this book well. She wrote: “This book stimulated me to examine what being Jewish means to me in a nonthreatening way.” While I hope you have a similar reaction, I want to emphasize that this book is not intended to bring you to any specific Jewish destination. In other words, this book is not meant to convince you to adopt any specific level of Jewish practice, observance, or affiliation. Rather, it is meant to help you start or continue a search of how Judaism can add meaning to your life. This book recognizes that where you decide to go with your Judaism is a personal matter. What is important about this book —and Judaism for that matter — is the journey. Bon voyage! ix