“A powerful application of recent brain science to the field of anger management. Get this book and pay attention to what it says.” —Rich Pfeiffer, MDiv, PhD, director of Growth Central “Healing the Angry Brain is as thorough a work on the neurobiology of anger as you will find anywhere. In addition to a comprehensive description of the biological and psychological functions of anger, it gives lots of practical advice on regulating anger in the context of a full and healthy emotional life.” —Steven Stosny, PhD, author of Love without Hurt, How Improve Your Marriage without Talking about It, and Treating Attachment Abuse “Psychotherapists are always asking neuroscientists, “How does understanding the brain help me to help my clients?” In Healing the Angry Brain, Ronald Potter-Efron provides an answer. Through a combination of clinical expertise and clear scientific information, he guides the reader to a better understanding of anger while providing a roadmap to relational and inner peace.” —Lou Cozolino, professor of psychology at Pepperdine University Publisher’s Note This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering psychological, financial, legal, or other professional services. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought. Distributed in Canada by Raincoast Books Copyright © 2012 by Ronald Potter-Efron New Harbinger Publications, Inc. 5674 Shattuck Avenue Oakland, CA 94609 www.newharbinger.com The HEALS technique is a registered trademark of Steven Stosny, PhD. Acquired by Jess O’Brien; Edited by Jasmine Star; Cover design by Amy Shoup; Text design by Tracy Carlson All Rights Reserved Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Potter-Efron, Ronald T. Healing the angry brain : how understanding the way your brain works can help you control anger and aggression / Ronald Potter-Efron. p. cm. Includes bibliographical references. ISBN 978-1-60882-133-4 (pbk.) -- ISBN 978-1-60882-134-1 (pdf e-book) -- ISBN 978-1-60882-135-8 (epub) 1. Anger. 2. Control (Psychology) I. Title. BF575.A5.P844 2012 152.4’7--dc23 2011044862 Dedicated to Lou Cozolino, my mentor, without whom I could never have written this book, and to my wife, Patricia Potter-Efron, who convinced me to try. Contents Acknowledgments INTRODUCTION CHAPTER 1. BRAIN BASICS CHAPTER 2. THE EMOTIONAL BRAIN CHAPTER 3. THE ANGRY BRAIN CHAPTER 4. THE CAUSES OF AN ANGRY BRAIN CHAPTER 5. YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR BRAIN CHAPTER 6. RECOGNIZING UNCONSCIOUS ANGER ACTIVATION CHAPTER 7. AVOIDING CONSCIOUS BAD CHOICES CHAPTER 8. DEVELOPING EMPATHY FURTHER STUDY APPENDIX: MEDICATIONS THAT MAY HELP WITH ANGER References Acknowledgments T he first person I want to thank is my wife and frequent coauthor, Patricia Potter-Efron. It was Pat who gently but persistently encouraged me to write a book on the angry brain. Indeed, she suggested I do so about five years ago. It took three of those years for her to convince me it was something that should be done and that I could do it. Louis Cozolino, PhD, has been my mentor and colleague throughout the process. He has reviewed every chapter and helped me avoid writing about possible brain pathways as if they were certainties. Because of Lou, I believe that everything in these pages reflects established brain science. He’s been a pleasure to work with. I wish to express my appreciation to several well-known, highly respected, and undoubtedly very busy scientists and researchers who took the time to answer my e-mails and phone calls. These include Steven Stosny, who kindly allowed me to describe his method of healing resentments in detail in chapter 4; Robert Sapolsky of Stanford University (author of Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers and an expert on the linkages between fear, anger, and aggression); Allan Siegel, who has studied animal aggression for decades and has written the definitive work on the subject (The Neurobiology of Aggression and Rage); and Sebern Fisher, whose writings and personal communications helped me understand how neurofeedback can lessen anger. Conversations with my friend James Peterson, PhD, an expert on neurofeedback, also helped me in this regard. I also want to thank Jess O’Brien, my editor at New Harbinger Publications, as well the entire staff at New Harbinger and founder Matthew McKay. This is my eighth book with that organization, and I continue to respect their professionalism and high standards. Thanks also to Jennifer Berger, who drew the preliminary diagrams that led to those published in this book. It has also been a pleasure working with copyeditor Jasmine Star, whose eye for both content and appearance has greatly improved the quality of the work. As usual, my colleagues at First Things First Counseling and Consulting have been tremendously supportive: Pat Potter-Efron, Ed and Judy Ramsey, Carla Peterson, Linda Klitzke, Margo Hecker, Dave Sommers, Bruce Pamperin, Richard Fuhrer, Shawn Allen, and Pat Gaulke. Working with these wonderful people makes coming to the office a joy. Introduction H ealing the Angry Brain is intended for people with angry brains. An angry brain is one that has programmed you to do some or all of these things: Consciously and subconsciously get angry at a moment’s notice Become very excited and agitated when you do get angry Have trouble thinking or planning because your anger is so strong Act impulsively on your anger and frequently regret what you did afterward Have difficulty listening to others because you are so angry Hold on to your anger until you become overloaded with resentment Fly into dangerous rages that leave you feeling out of control of your own body Develop a worldview in which most or all people are perceived as enemies Of course, an angry brain is interconnected with an angry body. Your angry brain promotes angry actions, and those behaviors in turn influence every neuron in your brain. In other words, angry brains create angry bodies, which create angry brains, in a vicious cycle that can trap you in an unnecessarily angry world. And worst of all, you might not even realize what’s happening. Your angry brain has a way of convincing you that your angry thoughts, feelings, and actions are perfectly normal. In recent decades, the brain has become a bit less mysterious. Brain scanning and imaging machines now provide much information about how the human brain’s electrical and chemical systems work. However, the brain is tremendously complex. It has billions of neurons that create trillions of linkages. So it’s probably safe to say that nobody really understands the human brain yet. In any case, a complete review of how the brain works is way beyond the scope of this book. Instead, I’ll describe a few areas of the brain that are highly associated with anger and aggression. These areas are generally part of the limbic system, an evolutionarily older part of the brain where emotions first developed. We’ll look at how the limbic system normally works to process anger effectively. And then we’ll explore what can go wrong within the limbic system and other areas of the brain to potentially lead to the development of an angry brain. Most importantly, I’ll suggest techniques that can help you change your brain, to end anger’s dominance and to be more flexible and effective in your daily life. The goal of this book is to help you do all of the following: Understand what happens inside your brain when you get angry, and understand why every time you become angry your brain becomes more chronically angry. Learn how the brain changes and the principles of change (often called “brain plasticity”) that will allow you to develop a calmer brain. Identify specific areas in your brain that function less than perfectly and so are at least partly responsible for creating your angry brain. Gain hope and motivation to change by realizing that you have the knowledge and skills to alter the way your brain works. Relate this information about how the brain works to the tools taught in anger management programs, such as taking time-outs and empathy training, so that you can more fully appreciate the reasons for using these skills. Design a personal brain retraining program that will lessen your anger and help you lead a better life. It’s only fair to warn you that making significant changes to the brain is neither fast nor simple. It will take time, energy, thought, and perseverance. You’ll need to commit to a six-month program because it takes that long for the brain to redesign itself. But the payoff is well worth it. After six months of steady effort, your brain will be ready to automatically respond differently to the world. Instead of immediately presuming the worst, for example, you can train your brain to give people the benefit of the doubt. You don’t have to live the rest of your life with an angry brain. Each chapter in this book will help you take this journey toward a calmer brain. Here’s an overview of the topic of each: Chapter 1, Brain Basics: This chapter presents an introduction to the basic components and processes of the brain. This will give you the background information you’ll need to understand later chapters. Chapter 2, The Emotional Brain: Here I’ll provide a look at how the brain handles emotions. In essence, the brain must go through six phases to handle emotions well: activation, modulation, preparation, taking action, getting feedback, and deactivation. If your brain has trouble at any of these stages, you may develop an angry brain. Chapter 3, The Angry Brain: I’ll discuss specific parts of the brain that may be contributing to your anger. I’ll also contrast well-handled anger and poorly handled anger. Since the brain is tremendously complex, we’ll focus on the overall result of what takes place in the angry brain, rather than on the specific electrical and chemical connections that make it function. Chapter 4, The Causes of an Angry Brain: There are many factors that can cause people to become chronically angry or dangerously aggressive. Some are environmental, such as growing up with angry or abusive parents. Others are more immediate, like becoming overwhelmed with stress. Still another explanation is brain damage due to accidents or violence. This chapter will look at nine different possible causes for problematic anger. Chapter 5, You Can Change Your Brain: The brain changes according to specific rules, such as “neurons that fire together wire together.” Learning these rules will help you plan how to redesign your angry brain. I’ll explain how you can build, improve, and expand a neural network that will allow you to substitute the feelings and actions you want for your current angry feelings and aggressive behaviors. Chapter 6, Recognizing Unconscious Anger Activation: In general, the brain does most of its work below the level of conscious awareness. Anger is no exception. The focus of chapter 6 is on learning how the brain creates and sustains anger subconsciously. Knowing what’s going on under the surface of your mind can help you develop methods for gaining better control over your anger. Chapter 7, Avoiding Conscious Bad Choices: If you often wonder why you make such lousy choices, this chapter will provide some answers. I’ll discuss why angry people are prone to making bad decisions and describe several ways to improve your decision-making process. Chapter 8, Developing Empathy: Empathy—taking a caring interest in others’ thoughts and feelings—is one key way to let go of anger, especially anger that has turned into resentment. Chapter 8 provides several techniques for building empathy.