Happy Hours Alcohol in a Woman’s Life D E V O N J E R S I L D To the memory of my mother, and to my father and Dee Contents Acknowledgments vii Foreword by Sheila B. Blume, M.D. ix Introduction 1 Part One • The Impact of Alcohol 21 1. WHY MEN CAN OUTDRINK WOMEN 23 2. WOMEN AND DRINKING: A LONG STORY IN BRIEF 35 Part Two • On the Job and in Families 47 3. MARRIAGE AND PARTNERSHIPS 49 4. MOTHERS: A MESSAGE FROM THE OWL 69 5. TEENAGE GIRLS AND COLLEGE WOMEN 91 6. ON THE JOB 126 Part Three • Take Two at Bedtime: Drinking as Self-Medication 147 7. LOVE HUNGER 149 8. SPRINGS OF SORROW: DRINKING AT TIMES OF LOSS 173 9. STEALING COURAGE FROM A TURTLE ’S HEART: SEXUALLY ABUSED WOMEN FIGHTING ALCOHOL 190 vi C o n t e n t s Part Four • Women’s Paths in Recovery 223 10. DOCTORS STILL DON’T GET IT 225 11. WORKING WITH DIFFERENCE: MINNESOTA INDIAN WOMEN’S RESOURCE CENTER AND AFRICAN-AMERICAN FAMILY SERVICES 238 12. RECOVERY: ONLY CONNECT 285 Afterword 320 Appendix A: Do You Have a Drinking Problem? 325 Appendix B: Where to Go for Help and Information 327 Notes 335 Selected Readings 362 Index 366 About the Author Praise Credits Cover Copyright About the Publisher Acknowledgments I am deeply grateful to the women in recovery who shared their stories with me. I learned far more than I expected to learn, and not just about problems with alcohol. These women taught me to look at my own life in a new way. Their stories, whether or not they appear in these pages, are close to my heart. I am indebted to the many clinicians, researchers, scientists, and psychologists who took time to talk with me and, in many cases, sent me copies of their research. Among these, I owe particular thanks to Sharon Wilsnack, who was endlessly gracious; to Claudia Bepko, Diane Byington, Rita Teusch, Elizabeth Zelvin, Sylvia Staub, George Lewis, and Leslie Ann Sparks, who shared their clinical experience; to John Searles and Henri Begleiter, for clarifications of scientific material; and to Sheila Blume, who answered questions and challenged me in helpful ways. Whatever errors appear are my own. My agent, Geri Thoma, supported me from this project’s incep- tion and guided me wisely throughout. I relied on her good spirits, energy, and insight. My editor, Diane Reverand, communicated her confidence in the book, and this sustained me at crucial moments. I am grateful to Diane and Janet Dery for editorial direction. Early on, Tri- viii A c k n o w l e d g m e n t s cia Welsch told me to scrap my impossible outline and write about what interested me; for listening deeply, I thank her. Michael Lowen- thal, Pamela Erens, Yonna McShane, Linda Meyers, Audrey Galex, and Joyce Henderson read drafts of the manuscript at different stages and gave me essential feedback. Shauna Hill, Christina Norris-Watts, and Eric Munson were resourceful, reliable, and patient research assistants. At the copyediting stage, Susan Gamer’s astute and sensitive work improved the book significantly. I appreciate the generosity of family members and friends who gave me lodging and comfort on research trips and writing retreats, especially Tom and Kathleen Strombeck, Lola Van Wagenen and George Burrill, Mary Kelley and Phil Pochoda. Thanks also to the Bishop Booth Episcopal Retreat Center. My father, Harold, was a loving background presence throughout this project, as he has been all of my life. My stepmother, Dee, has for years supported me more than she knows, with her enthusiasm and her unfailing interest. Thanks to my husband, Jay Parini, for his loving attention, for giving me time and space, for offering counsel when I needed it, and for caring, always. Nothing was too big for him to help me with, and nothing was too small. For coping cheerfully with my absences, more thanks to Jay and to our children—Leo, who missed me; and Will and Oliver, who swear they didn’t. I am glad for their ebullient presence and even their interruptions. Without Polly Young-Eisendrath, I could not have carried this book through, or even imagined writing it. I am grateful beyond words. During the three years I worked on this book, I became aware of how much I am supported by dear friends, some close at hand, some very far away. I have relied on our shared meals, walks, and conversa- tions. Their encouragement and love have made me feel very much blessed. Special thanks to my sister, Carri, for her generous spirit, her loy- alty, and her willingness to share her story, which is so much a part of mine. Foreword In HAPPY HOURS, Devon Jersild’s eloquent render- i n g of the stories of women and their alcohol problems is supported by her research in the field of alcohol studies. She has captured this huge literature in an engaging and scientifically objective manner, and she has woven the information into an enlightening, moving, and em- pathic book. Her subject is important to all of us, whether or not we ourselves drink. The women in Happy Hours are our friends and neighbors, the driver of the car next to us on the highway, the patient being taken to the hospital in the ambulance for whom we pull over to the side of the road, the surgeon who will operate on that patient, and the nurse who will monitor her vital signs. Happy Hours is about the teachers and coaches and school bus drivers to whom we entrust our children. Devon Jersild introduces us to these women and to alcohol. When we contemplate how deeply alcohol is embedded in Amer- ican culture, it is easy to conclude that nearly all Americans drink. But that isn’t so. As of 1990, over 40 percent of American women and nearly 30 percent of men reported that they did not use alcohol, so the guest next to you at the party may very well be drinking club soda or ginger ale. There are many reasons that people choose not to drink.