Games People Play The Psychology of Human Relatio~ships by Eric Berne, M.D. Games People Play The Psychology of Human Relationships By Eric Berne, M.D. GROVE PRESS, INC. NEW YORK Copyright © 1964 by Eric Berne All Rights Reserved Library of Congress Catalog Card Number: 64-13783 First Printing, July 1964 Second Printing, September 1964 Third Printing, October 1964 Fourth Printing, February 1965 Fifth Printing, April 1965 Sixth Printing, May 1965 Seventh Printing, June 1965 Eighth Printing, July 1965 Ninth Printing, August 1965 Tenth Printing, September 1965 Eleventh Printing, September 1965 Twelfth Printing, October 1965 Thirteenth Printing, October 1965 Fourteenth Printing, November 1965 Fifteenth Printing, December 1965 Sixteenth Printing, January 1966 Seventeenth Printing, January 1966 Eighteenth Printing, February 1966 Nineteenth Printing, March 1966 Twentieth Printing, March 1966 Twenty-first Printing, April 1966 Twenty-second Printing, April 1966 Twenty-third Printin~ May 1966 Twenty-fourth Printing, August 1966 Manufactured in the United States of America by The Book Press Incorporated To my patients and students who taught me more and more and are still teaching me about games and the meaning of life. Contents Table of Figures / 10 Preface / 11 Introduction / 13 PART I Analysis of Games / 23 1 / Structural Ar.alysis / 23 2 / Transactional Analysis / 29 3 / Procedures and Rituals / 35 4 / Pastimes / 41 5 / Games / 48 PART II A Thesaurus of Games / 67 Introduction / 69 6 / Life Games / 73 1 Alcoholic / 73 2 Debtor / 81 3 Kick Me / 84 4 Now I've Got You, You Son of a Bitch / 85 5 See What You Made Me Do / 88 7 / Marital Games / 92 1 Corner / 92 2 Courtroom / 96 7 8 / GAMES PEOPLE PLAY 3 Frigid Woman / 98 4 Harried / 10 1 5 If It Weren't for You / 104 6 Look How Hard I've Tried / 105 7 Sweetheart / 108 8 / Party Games / II 0 1 Ain't It Awful / 110 2 Blemish / 112 3 Schlemiel / 114 4 Why Don't You-Yes But / 116 9 / Sexual Games / 123 1 Let's You and Him Fight / 124 2 Perversion /124 3 Rapo / 126 4 The Stocking Game / 129 5 Uproar / 130 10 / Underworld Games / 132 1 Cops and Robbers / 132 2 How Do You Get Out of Here / 137 3 Let's Pull a Fast One on Joey / 139 II/Consulting Room Games / 141 1 Greenhouse / 141 2 I'm Only Trying to Help You / 143 3 Indigence / 147 4 Peasant / 151 5 Psychiatry / 154 6 Stupid / 157 7 Wooden Leg / 159 12 / Good Games / 163 1 Busman's Holiday / 164 2 Cavalier / 164 3 Happy to Help / 166 4 Homely Sage / 167 5 They'll Be Glad They Knew Me / 168 PART III Beyond Games / 169 13 / The Significance of Games / 171 14 / The Players / 173 15 / A Paradigm / 175 CONTENTS / 9 16 / Autonomy / 178 17 / The Attainment of Autonomy / 182 18 / After Games, What? / 184 Appendix / The Classification of Behavior / 185 Index of Pastimes and Games / 187 Author Index / 189 Subject Index / 190 Table of Figures 1 A Structural Diagram / 25 2 Complementary Transactions / 30 3 Crossed Transactions / 31 4 A Relationship Diagram / 32 5 Ulterior Transactions / 34 6 Pastimes / 44 7 A Game / 55 8 Why Don't You-Yes But / 117 10 Preface THIS book is primarily designed to be a sequel to my book Transactional Analysis in Psychotherapy/ but has been planned so that it can be read and understood independently. The theory necessary for the analysis and clear understanding of games has been summarized in Part I. Part II contains descrip tions of the individual games. Part III contains new clinical and theoretical material which, added to the old, makes it possible to understand to some extent what it means to be game-free. Those desiIing further background are referred to the earlier volume. The reader of both will note that in addition to the theoretical advances, there have been some minor changes in terminology and viewpoint based on further thinking and reading and new clinical material. The need for this book was indicated by interested requests from students and lecture audiences for lists of games, or for further elaboration of games mentioned brieRy as examples in a general exposition of the principles of transactional analysis. Thanks are due in general to these students and audiences, and espeCially to the many patients who exposed to view, spotted or named new games; and in particular to Miss Barbara Rosenfeld for her many ideas about the art and meaning of listening; and to Mr. Melvin Boyce, Mr. Joseph Concannon, Dr. Franklin Ernst, Dr. Kenneth Everts, Dr. Gordon Gritter, Mrs. Frances Matson, and Dr. Ray Poindexter, among others, for their independent discovery or confirmation of the significance of many games. Mr. Claude Steiner, formerly Research Director of the San Francisco Social Psychiatry Seminars and presently in the 11