f a l l i n g r o o m American Lives Series editor: Tobias Wolff Falling Room Eli Hastings University of Nebraska Press Lincoln and London © 2006 by N. Eli Hastings. All rights reserved. Manufactured in the United States of America Book designed and typeset by R. Eckersley in Bram de Does’s Enschedé Trinité fonts. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Hastings, Eli, 1977– Falling Room / Eli Hastings p. cm. – (American lives) isbn-13: 978-0-8032-7364-1 (pbk.: alkaline paper) isbn-10: 0-8032-7364-9 (pbk.: alkaline paper) 1. Hastings, Eli, 1977– 2. Seattle (Washington) – Biography. 3. Young adults – Washington (State) – Biography. 4. Americans – Nicaragua – Biography. 5. Americans – Panama – Biogra- phy. 6. Americans – Cuba – Biography. 7. Drug dealers – Washington (State) – Biogra- phy. 8. Nicaragua – Description and travel. 9. Panama – Description and travel. 10. Cuba – Description and travel. i. Title. ii. Series. ct275.h28725a3 2006 979.7'772043092–dc22 2006000846 Para Papa—que descanses en paz. Contents Acknowledgments ix Burlington Northern 1 Gettin’ Up 7 Mulching 18 Moonfaced Man 23 The Professor 30 Intersection 34 Falling Room 39 Wake 48 Grant County Jail 68 Good, Alright, Fine 86 In the Mouth of the Bull 102 Sky 117 Coming Away 125 Dispatches from a Prohibited World 131 Out in Front 152 My Father’s House 160 Over the Pass 164 viii Acknowledgments It would be impossible here to thank everyone who supported me, inspired me, listened to me, or drank with me. The following is in- tended as a special thanks to those people who toiled directly with these pages. Sarah Messer, who can only be called the quarterback and coach —this wouldn’t even have begun without her. Philip Gerard for his red ink, his faith, and his unflagging encouragement. David Gessner for his wild Thoreauvian second winds in the stuffy acad- emy—and for giving me my one awp schmooze that paid off so much. Jessica Smith for everything—for being the best editor and the best friend I had in North Carolina. Sebastian Matthews for all his favors and for jumpstarting me—from the bars and coffee- houses of Claremont clear through Dixie—and for understand- ing the void a father leaves. Brad Land for his example—not just of success but also of grace and generosity. Ladette Randolph for her taste, her kindness, and her faith in the essay. Anne Depue for the eleventh-hour aid. Stephen Barnett for his sharp eye. Loads of thanks to Kimi Faxon (rock star), (Daddy) Daren Dean, Trav, Jeff, and KC (the fabulous brothers), Tom Kunz (the sloshy lover), Marc Johnston (and The Shnake), Kim “so serious” Shable, Andrea Quarraccino (moving and shaking), Dave Smith Winery, Douglas “pretty boy” Cutting, and Isaac “strawberry” Lane. Lastly, the late Tom Hastings and my Jersey Girl, who were both full of too much love for this world. R.I.P. (Finally) The author gratefully acknowledge the editors of the following publications in which portions of this book first appeared: The Ped- estal Magazine The Political Anthology (2004) for “Coming Away”; Alligator Juniper (2005) for “Falling Room”; Cimarron Review 145 (Fall ix