.. f. Frederic Maugham. Lord Chancellor of England W. Somerset Maugham An AutObiography by An Autobiography by ROBIN MAUGHAM After a long career of writing novels and plays, Robin Maugham turns now to his own life and gives us a stirring, a rather harrowing autobiography, story of persistent suffering and disappoint ment. Sparing no intimate details, he recounts the constant struggle to escape from the -shadows-the shadow of his father, Lord Chancellor of England, and the shadow of his uncle, Somer~et Maugham. But it even goes deeper than that, and his own words tell it better than any others: "My story is of a lonely child. It deals with an adolescent who was more attracted toward his own sex than toward girls, yet who was so im bued by the strict upper-middle-class conventions in which he lived that he was stricken with guilt by his homo sexual desires and tried to make himself normal-and at times succeeded. The war years between 19·39 and 1945 made me realize that I was predomi nantly homosexual. The guilt of that realization turned me to drink .... My life has been a .struggle to escape from the shadows which were cast over me, a struggle to cope with my homosexual passions, a struggle to deal with my de sire to drink myself into oblivion. Over shadowed, queer, alcoholic, I should have been a complete failure. To this ( continued on back flap) - day I am still surprised when the critical or p.nancial success of one of my novels, or plays, or films in various countries would seem to suggest that I am a suc cess. But I am not a success in my own eyes for reasons which this book will . 1 1 " certain y revea . . . . "Of all Robin Maugham's books that I've read, I like this one much the best. He makes a relatively small group of episodes and characters stand for all the experiences and people in his life. The descriptions of people are wonderful. .... Above all, this is an admirably frank _and extremely sympathetic self-portrait." -Christopher Isherwood Robin Maugham was educated at Eton and Trinity Hall, Cambridge, where he read English Literature and Law. Dur ing World War II he took part in some of the fiercest tank battles in the Libyan Desert and was mentioned in dispatches for gallantry under fire. In 1945 he wrote his first book, Come to Dust, and was called to the Bar as well. The suc cess of his book determined Lord Maugham to devote his life to writing. Subsequently, he has written some six teen books-novels and works of non fiction-among the most notable being The S~rvant, Somerset and All the Maughams, and, more recently, The Second Window, The Link, and The Wrong People, all of which were highly praised . . jacket design by Herb Lubalin back cover photograph by Peter Burton ESCAPE FROM T H E SHADOWS -·- An Autobiography by ROBIN MAUGHAM McGRAW-HILL BOOK COMPANY New York St. Louis San Francisco Diisseldorf Mexico Toronto First published in Great Britain by Hodder and Stoughton Limited, London. First printed in the United States in 1973. Copyright © 1972 by Lord Maugham. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher 123456789 BPBP 79876543 Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Data Maugham, Robin, date Escape from the shadows. Bibliography: p. I. Title. PR6025.A858Z5 1973 823.'9'14 [BJ 72-7418 ISBN 0-07-040969-2 For Honor and Diana with my love B-YTHE SAME AUTHOR -·- NOVELS THE SERVANT LINE ON GINGER THE ROUGH AND THE SMOOTH BEHIND THE MIRROR THE i\1AN WITH TWO SHADOWS NOVEMBER REEF THE GREEN SHADE THE SECOND WINDOW THE LINK THE WRONG PEOPLE TRAVEL CO1\1E TO DUST NORTH AFRICAN NOTEBOOK APPROACH TO PALESTINE JOURNEY TO SIWA THE SLAVES OF TI1\1BUKTU THE JOYITA l\1YSTERY BIOGRAPHY SO1\1ERSET AND ALL THE MAUGHAl\1S ESCAPE FROl\1 THE SHADOWS (autobiography) PREFACE .... ~e new-found liberty and the new license which have been granted to writers in the United States and in England have been used to the full by various novel ists. But many biographers are still oddly reticent, and so are almost all autobiographers. Yet the n1ain in1pulse ,vhich moves a writer is the desire to tell the truth-the desire to reveal the anxiety and pleasures of his n1ind, to express the pains and joys of his spirit, the meanness and nobility of his life, and thus to purge himself by placing on paper once and for all the passions of his body and the inclinations of his heart. Surely the new dispensation afforded to ,vriters should extend not only to novelists but to those who feel in1pelled to tell the true story of their lives? Certainly the young reject the con ventional hypocrisy of even a few years ago. They demand the truth-bare and ugly though it n1ay be. In this autobiography, accordingly, I will try to use the same freedom of expression as a novelist enjoys today. I intend to reveal the whole truth about n1yself, about those whom I knc,v well, who are dead, and-subject to the dictates of discretion and to the laws of libel-about those who are alive and whon1 I knovv well. On the few occasions when these t,vo dictates interfere ,vith the true story of my life, I have either altered a character so that the person concerned will be unrecognizable, or I have fused t,vo characters together. But the truth has not suffered. Let n1e explain. Both in my novel and in my play The Servant all of the four n1ain characters ,vere, in fact, partly based on people ,vho existed in real life. But I took traits fron1 other people I knew, and I .. -Vil- changed the external appearance of all the real persons involved so much that they did not. even recognize themselves. But the essential truth of their relationship with each other and with me has remained. Most writers "\Vait until -they are sixty or seventy before writing their autobiographies. I am fifty-five. I am beginning the story of my life now for three reasons. First, because I feel an intense desire to rid myself, once and for all, of the ghosts from the past which still haunt me. Secondly, because I have longed to explain my true character and how it came to be formed. Lastly, because I believe that memory fades far quicker than is generally supposed. But in this respect I am lucky, because ever since the war I have made notes and kept a diary. Moreover, I have used many incidents from real life in my novels, so I have only to re-read a novel for incidents from my past to come flooding back into my memory. I have made considerable use of this material and of material from my book S0111erset and All the Maughams. I know I shall be accused of repeating myself in the various passages from my "family book" that I have used. But how can I omit essential scenes from· my life? How can I write them in different words and with different dialogue? If my father, for instance, made a certain remark in 1945 and I reported it in 1966, how can I possibly change his words in 1972? I must repeat myself for the sake of the truth. I am calling this book Escape From the Shadows. Two of the shadows are those of my father, former Lord Chancellor of Eng land, and of my uncle, William Somerset Mangham, perhaps the most successful writer of this century. For the last forty years I have been trying to escape from the shadows of their fame. I hope that this book will at last release me from their ghosts. The third shadow has been more dangerous: I will try to describe its nature in the course of the pages that follow. -·- Overshadowed, queer, and alcoholic, I should have been a com plete failure. To this day, I am still surprised when the critical or financial success of one of my novels, plays, -or films-in vari~us countries-would seem to suggest that I am a success. But I am not a success in my own eyes for reasons which this book will certainly reveal. My story begins as a very lonely child with elderly parents. As -Vlll- I grew up I entered the quite natural phase of being more at tracted toward my own sex than toward girls; yet I was so imbued with the strict upper-middle-class moral conventions of my family that I was stricken with guilt by my apparently perverse in clinations and tried to make myself "normal"-and at times suc ceeded. The war years between 1939 and 1945 made me realize that I was predominantly homosexual. The anxiety of that realiza tion turned me to drink. Perhaps it was fortunate that I did not suffer from the same delusion as my Uncle Willie, who told me in his old age that his greatest mistake had been to persuade him self that he was three-quarters normal and only a quarter queer "whereas really it was the other way round." But though I came to accept my own similar nature-that I was mainly, but not wholly, homosexual-the torment and the guilt remained . . -IX-