“ This volume adds to the existing Pink Therapy series by expanding the resources available for practitioners working with GSRD people across often challenging and, for some, controversial topics. The volume encompasses scenarios present- ing in contemporary practice that are readily accessible for clinicians seeking knowledge from experienced practitioners. A clear message is that despite initially daunting and complex presentations, the volume provides authoritative practical pathways from top-notch experts to assist in identifying solutions within a com- petence informed therapeutic process.” K evan Wylie, MD FRCP FESCM. Past President, World Association For Sexual Health “ It takes a while to acknowledge our biases and prejudices if we ever reach that point. Yet unchecked, we might think of providing the best service to our clients. ‘Erotically Queer’ questioned me: am I genuinely open to diversity? Through which lenses am I seeing my clients? When you come across such a book, you will know how much you commit to inclusivity and are brave to challenge your mindset constantly. It remains on my nightstand, as one reading is not enough.” F rancesca Tripodi, Director, International Online Sexology Supervisors (IOSS) “Erotically Queer, is a new volume of the Pink Therapy series, which brings together contributions from experts in the GSRD therapy field. Each chapter benefits from having the unfiltered and unique voice of the author as they take the reader on a rich and vibrant journey. This is an outstanding volume that is essential reading for all therapist at every level of experience whether in general or psychosexual practice. ” J o Coker, A ccCOSRT(Sen) AccCOSRT (Sup) MBPsS FCOSRT. HCPC Counselling Psychologist. Professional Standards Manager COSRT Erotically Queer Erotically Queer is a practice guide for clinicians, bringing together experts in their field with pioneering topics within GSRD (gender, sex and relationship diversity). Chapters cover an array of topics rarely dicussed in either clinical or popular literature, including lesbian sex, queer menopause, bisexuality, working with shame, the sex lives of asexuals, sexuality and transgender people, treating anodyspareunia, compulsive sexual behaviours and chemsex. It also helps practitioners reflect on their biases regarding BDSM/kink and understand more regarding non-pathologising practices with intersex people. T he book aims to help all clinicians work more effectively with the Queer population, with the most contemporary sexological knowledge. S ilva Neves is a COSRT-accredited and UKCP-registered psychotherapist specialising in sexology and intimate relationships. He is a Pink Therapy clinical associate. He is a course director for the Contemporary Institute of Clinical Sexology (CICS), an international speaker, broadcaster and author. D ominic Davies is the Founder of Pink Therapy, a clinical supervisor and sexologist and course director of two training programmes in gender, sex and relationship diversity therapy. He has been internationally recognised as one of 50 gender and sexual health revolutionaries. Erotically Queer A Pink Therapy Guide for Practitioners Edited by Silva Neves and Dominic Davies Designed cover image: Thomas Dyson First published 2023 b y Routledge 4 Park Square, Milton Park, Abingdon, Oxon OX14 4RN a nd by Routledge 6 05 Third Avenue, New York, NY 10158 R outledge is an imprint of the Taylor & Francis Group, an informa business © 2023 selection and editorial matter, Silva Neves and Dominic Davies; individual chapters, the contributors T he right of Silva Neves and Dominic Davies to be identified as the authors of the editorial material, and of the authors for their individual chapters, has been asserted in accordance with sections 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reprinted or reproduced or utilised in any form or by any electronic, mechanical, or other means, now known or hereafter invented, including photocopying and recording, or in any information storage or retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publishers. T rademark notice: Product or corporate names may be trademarks or registered trademarks, and are used only for identification and explanation without intent to infringe. British Library Cataloguing-in-Publication Data A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library ISBN: 978-1-032-19732-6 (hbk) ISBN: 978-1-032-19731-9 (pbk) ISBN: 978-1-003-26060-8 (ebk) DOI: 10.4324/9781003260608 Typeset in Times New Roman by Apex CoVantage, LLC Contents Acknowledgements ix List of contributors xi Foreword xiii PROF ESBEN ESTHER PIRELLI BENESTAD Introduction 1 SILVA NEVES AND DOMINIC DAVIES 1 Attachment narrative therapy as a tool for sex therapy with lesbian couples 9 JENNA MCCAFFREY 2 Queer menopause: working with the LGBTQIA+ menopausal client 25 TANIA GLYDE 3 Working with sexual shame 43 SIMON ALEXANDER LYNE 4 The sex lives of asexuals 59 JO RUSSELL 5 Exploring erotic diversity in heterosexuality: keeping a queer eye for the straight guys 75 JULIE SALE 6 Intersex-centred sex therapy and relationship counselling: six commonly neglected concerns of intersex adults 89 DR Y. GÁVRIEL ANSARA viii Contents 7 Trans sex and relationships: a practitioners’ dialogue 108 SERGE NICHOLSON AND ELLIS MORGAN 8 Sex in transition: from the medicalisation of transgender sexuality to the centrality of pleasure 123 DR ANNALISA ANZANI AND DR ANTONIO PRUNAS 9 Examining therapist bias when working with kink 139 DR LORI BETH BISBEY 1 0 Treating anodyspareunia in MSM 156 DR BARTOSZ GRABSKI 11 MSM and compulsive sexual behaviours 174 SILVA NEVES 12 Mindfulness-based approaches to working with chemsex behaviours in psychotherapy 193 DR BENEDICT HOFF Conclusion 210 DOMINIC DAVIES AND SILVA NEVES Index 211 Acknowledgements Silva and Dominic would like to thank: Professor Esben Esther Pirelli Benestad for the most moving and poetic fore- word. It brought us both to tears. All our authors who contributed chapters to this book. We are grateful for their hard work, their time and their expert knowledge. Our most eminent and internationally respected sexologists, Kevan Wylie, Francesca Tripodi and Jo Coker, for their thoughtful words of endorsement. Our clients, who teach us more than textbooks. Our students and supervisees, whose enquiring minds motivate us to find answers to support them. Our peers and supporters in the Pink Therapy Facebook group. Thomas Dyson for the fab book cover. One final acknowledgement is to honour the passing of our dear friend and colleague David Stuart, who coined the term “chemsex” and worked tirelessly worldwide to help advise and support the development of services to support gay men whose chemsex use became out of control. Our world is poor for his passing. His kindness, compassion and generosity live on in his writings and the hearts of all who knew him. Silva would like to thank: Dominic Davies for his support in my work and for being a fabulous co-editor on this book. His knowledge and vast experience continues to feed me regularly. I’m also grateful for our shared sense of humour, which was much needed when we were both stuck in a hotel with COVID! My colleagues whom I’m very lucky to call friends: Julie Sale, Rima Hawkins, Lorraine McGinlay, Dr Francesca Tripoli, Dr Meg-John Barker, Babette Roth- schild, Kate Moyle, Dr Roberta Babb, Lohani Noor, Aoife Drury, Remziye Kunelaki, Juliette Clancy, Lisa Etherson, Diana Moffat, Andrew Mirrlees, Julie Gaudion, David Piner and Clare Staunton. I’m so grateful to have them in my life, sharing professional wisdom, personal stories, and laughs. My followers on my professional social media platforms who identify as Queer and Queer allies. It feels good to see them out there, including the sex-positive