Instructionsforauthors,subscriptionsandfurtherdetails: http://qre.hipatiapress.com The Baptism GresildaA.Tilley­Lubbs1 1)SchoolofEducation,VirginiaTech,UnitedStatesofAmerica. Dateofpublication:February28th,2013 Tocitethisarticle:Tilley­Lubbs,G.A.(2013).TheBaptism.Qualitative ResearchinEducation,2(1),27­37.doi:10.4471/qre.2013.14 Tolinkthisarticle:http://dx.doi.org/10.4471/qre.2013.14 PLEASESCROLLDOWNFORARTICLE ThetermsandconditionsofusearerelatedtotheOpenJournalSystem andtoCreativeCommonsNon­CommercialandNon­DerivativeLicense. QualitativeResearch in Education Vol.2 No.1 February2012 pp. 27-37 The Baptism GresildaA. Tilley-Lubbs Virginia Tech Abstract In this performance autoethnography, the author explores her positionality (Davies, 2000; Spry, 2001) in the Spanish-speaking community, moving from heroutsiderrole as aninterpreteratthe Health Departmentto herrelationships with some of the women and their families to her current position as the grandmother of a Mexican American grandson. She writes as inquiry (Richardson & St. Pierre, 2005) to interrogate her own positionality/power/privilege and to trouble socially constructed borders. She continues to relate her own family to her birth/heart family in the Spanish- speaking community(Tilley-Lubbs, 2012, 2011). Byso doing, she realizes that her hybridity is embodied in her grandson and is bounded by her own body (Min-ha, 2010). The performance of her own autoethnographic story (Spry, 2010) presents her as a constant border crosser/straddler who attempts to connect the “autobiographical and personal to the cultural and social” (Ellis, 2004, p. xix). Keywords: autoetnography, bordercrossing, power, privilege, Spanish- speaking/Latino/Hispanic 2013 HipatiaPress ISSN2014-6418 DOI: 10.4471/qre.2013.14 QualitativeResearch in Education, 2 (1) 29 S Spanish-speakingcommunity. Where myworkandmylife meet Inaperfectcircle Oflove andcompleteness. More nowthaneverbefore. Changingpositions frominterpreter/translator Forfamilyplanningandprenatalclinics To friend/surrogate familyofwomenandtheirfamilies. ButamI co-optingidentityoramI performingthe realityofmylife? We supporteachother: Advocate/friend/colleague. DoñaGresilda/SeñoraKris/Kris. Alltitles oflove andrespectbestowedbythose WhomI love andaboutwhomI care. Backto DoñaGresilda— Does thatone setapart— Define ahierarchicalrelationship? Positionme as anoutsider Ineveryway—   Geographic   Cultural   Linguistic   Economic— To the womenandtheircommunity? Trip to Mexico to visittheirfamilies. Welcomedwithopenarms, Butstillagringa/foreigner. To them? 30 G. A. Tilley-Lubbs - TheBaptims Maybe. To myself— Yes. Insider-outsider. Surrogate grandmother/mother. Friend. This time, there’s no surrogate status. This time, I amthe grandmother. Byblood. Notjustbyheart. This time, DanandI Witness the baptismofourgrandson   DavidIsaac Hernández. ConductedinSpanish, SurroundedbyMexicanfriends/familybyheart. Butthis time, ourgrandsonbybirth. Notjustbyheart. So whatdoes surrogate mean? Does itmeanthe gringawho usually Co-opts herpresence into the community, Who nowuses herlegal-by-marriage, Emotional-by-birth Positionality To assume aposition Thatis nothers? LauraandEmilio are his godparents. Laura, ourdaughterbyheart, says: Kris, lo hiceporti. She diditforme. Causingme to rememberthat We visitedherparents InGuadalajara, Jalisco. QualitativeResearch in Education, 2 (1) 31 And Inpart, I diditforher. This time Myfamilybybirth Is Mexican. This time. The mass inSpanish. Mygrandson Dressedinthe silksuit Ofalittle Frenchprince Who once conqueredMexico. Lauraorderedhis baptismclothes fromMexico. Handmade. Exquisite. Inthe style ofthe Frenchmonarchs Who devastated/used/abused The Mexicanpeople. Who were Laura’s ancestors, Butwhose styles andcustoms are Stillobservedforspecialoccasions, Suchas the baptism Ofmygrandson, Laura’s godson. Kris, lo hiceporti. The baptismparty. Myson-in-lawDavid Cookedthe carneasada a la parilla Grillingthe beefas his giftoflove To his son To mygrandson To Laura’s godson. 32 G. A. Tilley-Lubbs - TheBaptims SilviaandMariana VisitingMexicanscholaratthe universitywithherdaughter. Silvia/friend/media naranja/soulmate/confidant Accompanyus Atthe baptism Hours ofconversation. EowynandKirsten   Daughters bybirth LauraandLupe   Daughters ofthe heart. SilviaandMariana   Partofthis MexicanAmericanfamily. Allmypositions performed Atone celebration-- Mygrandson’s baptism: Familybybirth, Familybyheart, Familybyfriendship Withroots inmypersonal/professionalSelf. Memories. Pieces fittingtogether. Summer2002. Anotherbaptismforthe sonofJuana Forwhom I interpretedatthe clinic. Attendingthe celebration As outsider/insider. Welcomed, Butapart. The baptismpartyatalocalMexicanrestaurant. Aband. Dancing. QualitativeResearch in Education, 2 (1) 33 DavidandEowynmeet. Life begins to change. The firststep. As borders startto blurand Myoutsider-insiderstatus Starts to morphinto insider-outsider. Summer2004. The engagement OfDavidandEowyn. The borders blurevenmore. Summer2005. Atrip to Mexico To setup astudyabroad FormyESLandSpanishteachers. Universidadde lasAméricas. Middleclass. Safe. Secure. Beautiful. Incontrastto the life LauraandEmilio leftbehind, Orthatoursoon-to-be familylives inMexico. More borders blurring. DaughterEowynandsonPeterwithus. Alreadyadults. Butone lasttrip Before Eowynmarries David AndPeterflies the nest. VisitingDavid’s family. Nowourfamily. 34 G. A. Tilley-Lubbs - TheBaptims David’s sister, Maribel. DadandMom. Allcontinue to grieve the loss oftheirson Who crossedthe border To anotherworld. Nephews, Nieces, Brothers andwives, Sisters andhusbands Come to meet David’s soon-to-be bride Andshe to meethernewextendedfamily. Allofus as one family. The circle widens more. The borders blur Althoughstillpresent. So manydifferences. So manysimilarities. Dandoesn’tspeakSpanish. David’s familydoesn’tspeakEnglish. Buttheycommunicate witheyes andhearts andtears. Joinedinheart. Families uniting. Blurringborders:   Geographic,   Cultural,   Linguistic,   Economic. QualitativeResearch in Education, 2 (1) 35 MyMexicanson-in-law MyUS daughter MyMexicanAmericangrandson. Isaac dedicatedinaProtestantservice   InEnglish. BaptizedinaCatholic mass   InSpanish. The union Oftwo cultures Two languages. The permeabilityofborders. Whatare borders? Who constructs them? Whatdetermines theirpower? Where does the privilege lie? Permeable/impermeable. White, Middle class, Middle aged, Universityprofessor Always with Powerand Privilege, Visible/invisible Butalways present. Insider/outsider Outsider/insider. Have I crossedthe border Fromgringa/foreigner To miembro dela comunidad/ Communitymember? Byno means. 36 G. A. Tilley-Lubbs - TheBaptims Do I belonginthe community More thanbefore? Maybe. Butfornow. . . . Borders Crossed/blurred/dissolved/irrelevant Inone smallbodyandsoul. MygrandsonIsaac. References Davies, B. (2000).A bodyofwriting: 1990-1999. WalnutCreek, CA: AltamiraPress. Ellis, C. (2004). TheethnographicI: A methodologicalnovelabout teachinganddoingautoethnography. WalnutCreek, CA: AltaMira. Minh-ha, T. T. (2010). Elsewhere, within here: Immigration, refugeeism andtheboundaryevent. NewYorkCity, NY:Routledge. Richardson, L. & St. Pierre, E.A. (2005). Writing: Amethodofinquiry. InN. K.Denzin&Y. S. Lincoln(Eds.).TheSAGEhandbookof qualitativeresearch.(3rded., pp. 959-978). ThousandOaks, CA: Sage. Spry, T. (2001).Performingautoethnography: Anembodied methodologicalpraxis. QualitativeInquiry, 7(6), 706-732. doi:10.1177/107780040100700605 Spry, T. (2011). Body, paper, stage: Writingandperforming autoethnography. WalnutCreek, CA: LeftCoastPress. Tilley-Lubbs, G.A. (2011). The coalminer’s daughtergets aPh.D. QualitativeInquiry, 17(9), 720-722. doi:10.1177/1077800411420669 Tilley-Lubbs, G.A. (2012). Bordercrossing: (Auto)Ethnographythat transcends imagination/immigration. InternationalReviewof QualitativeResearch, 4(4), 385-402