Building Lasting Memories was created for pastors and ministry leaders in their work with families in and out of the church; serving as a catalyst to help them create memories 2015 of joy that will help families to be ready for the coming of Jesus Christ. From sermons to seminars, children’s stories to articles, leadership resources and book reviews, you will find PLANBOOK an abundance of helpful materials in your work with families. Sermons • Building Lasting Memories B U • The Gift of Memories I • Lessons From the Family of Abraham L D • How to Enjoy Your Imperfect Family I N • What’s Love Got To Do With It? G F Children’s Stories A M • Sponges, Brains, and Character I • Memories L Y • The Never-To-Be-Forgotten-Birthday M E Seminars M O • Leaving a Legacy of Love R • Making Memories I E • Frequent Family Dinners Protect Our Children S ELAINE AND WILLIE OLIVER • Messy Church Leadership Resources • Memorials of the Heart and Mind • Creating Exciting Family Worship • The Marshmallow Test • Growing in Love And more! Leadership Resources, Articles, Book Reviews and, Family Ministries Implementation Materials. Includes a CD with PowerPoints Free 2 0 1 5 P L A N B O O K O DEPARTMENT OF FAMILY MINISTRIES L GENERAL CONFERENCE OF IV E THE SEVENTH-DAY ADVENTIST CHURCH R 12501 Old Columbia Pike, Silver Spring, Maryland 20904, USA 301.680.6175 office [email protected] family.adventist.org /AdventistFamilyMinistries @WE_Oliver REVIVAL & REFORMATION BUILDING FAMILY MEMORIES ELAINE AND WILLIE OLIVER ALINA BALTAZAR, JEFFREY BROWN, ROSEMAY CANGY, MAY-ELLEN COLON, KATHERINE CONOPIO, CLAUDIO AND PAMELA CONSUEGRA, SARINA GOULDING, DONNA HABENICHT, GARY HOPKINS, JOSEPH KIDDER, SALLY LAM-PHOON, DUANE MCBRIDE, JOHN MCVAY, ELAINE AND WILLIE OLIVER, JONGIMPI PAPU, CLAIR SANCHES-SCHUTTE A General Conference Department of Family Ministries publication Editors: Elaine and Willie Oliver Editorial Assistant: Rosemay Cangy Design and layout: Daniel Taipe Contributors: Alina Baltazar • Jeffrey Brown • Rosemay Cangy • May-Ellen Colon • Katherine Conopio • Claudio and Pamela Consuegra • Sarina Goulding • Donna Habenicht Gary Hopkins • Joseph Kidder • Sally Lam-Phoon • Duane McBride • John McVay Elaine and WIllie Oliver • Jongimpi Papu • Clair Sanches-Schutte Other Family Ministries Planbooks in this series: Revival and Reformation: Families Reaching Across Revival and Reformation: Families Reaching Out Revival and Reformation: Families Reaching Up Available from: AdventSource 5120 Prescott Avenue Lincoln, NE 68506 www.adventsource.org 402.486.8800 Unless designated otherwise, Scripture taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved. © 2014 Department of Family Ministries General Conference of the Seventh-day Adventist Church 12501 Old Columbia Pike Silver Spring, MD 20904, USA [email protected] family.adventist.org All rights reserved. The handouts in this book may be used and reproduced in local church printed matter without permission from the publisher. It may not, however, be used or reproduced in other books or publications without prior permission from the copyright holder. Reprinting the content as a whole or for giveaway or resale is expressly prohibited. ISBN# 978-1-57756-124-8 Table of Contents V Preface VI How to use this book Sermons 8 Building Lasting Memories 13 The Gift of Memories 20 Lessons From the Family of Abraham 25 How to Enjoy Your Imperfect Family 30 What’s Love Got To Do With It? Children’s Stories 35 Sponges, Brains, and Character 36 Memories 38 The Never-To-Be-Forgotten-Birthday Seminars 41 Leaving a Legacy of Love 46 Making Memories 52 Frequent Family Dinners Protect Our Children 55 Messy Church Leadership Resources 59 Memorials of the Heart and Mind 62 Creating Exciting Family Worship 68 The Marshmallow Test 70 Growing in Love N O TI A M R O F E R & L VA Reprinted Articles VI E 76 The Most Important Thing You Need To Know About Parenting R 82 Guiding Principles for Sabbath Observance 86 How You Say It 88 I Messed Up! Can I Get My Family Back? Book Reviews 91 100 Creative Worship Ideas for Busy Families 93 Praying Like Crazy For Your Husband Appendix A - Family Ministries Implementation 96 A Family Ministries Policy and Purpose Statement 98 The Family Ministries Leader 99 What is a Family? 100 Committee and Planning Guidelines 102 A Good Presentation Will Do Four Things 103 The Ten Commandments of Presentations 104 Family Life Profile Survey 4 106 Family LifeProfile 107 Family Ministries Interest Survey 108 Community Family Life Education Survey 109 Sample Evaluation Appendix B - Voted Statements 111 Affirmation of Marriage 112 Statement on Home and Family S E RI O M E M Y L MI A F G N DI L UI B N O TI A M R O F E R & L A V VI E R Preface A few months ago we celebrated 30 years children, and shall talk of them when you sit in of being married to each other. Thirty years is your house, when you walk by the way, when you a long time. However, it seems like it was just lie down, and when you rise up” (Deuteronomy yesterday we were exchanging marriage vows on 6:5-7). a sunny afternoon in August at the Seventh-day Adventist Village Church in South Lancaster, Ellen White counsels in The Adventist Home, Massachusetts, in the United States of America. p. 190: “Parents should study the best and most successful manner of winning the love and After two children, eight living spaces, eleven confidence of their children, that they may lead V ministry assignments and several countries on them in the right path.” every continent of the world, we have many memories to fill several books and several days of Recent research in neurobiology called conversation with anyone interested in that kind Hardwired to Connect also identifies ‘close of musing. connections to other people and deep connections to moral and spiritual meaning’ as the most Memories—good memories—are most important kinds of connectedness children need important for humans to live with a measure of to thrive. satisfaction and anticipation. Children need good memories with their families of origin (father, It is our sincere desire that the resources in mother, siblings, etc.) to feel connected and live this volume, will aid pastors and ministry leaders with a modicum of confidence and balance. in their work with families in and out of the church; serving as a catalyst for Building Family Most important in creating good memories Memories of joy that will help families to be for posterity is the need to give our children ready for the coming of Jesus Christ. a spiritual foundation and security in a God that is loving, kind, forgiving and has made For stronger and healthier families, S provision for their salvation through His son RIE O Jesus Christ. Elaine and Willie Oliver, Directors M E Department of Family Ministries M Y Moses wrote under inspiration “You shall love General Conference of the L MI the Lord your God with all your heart, with all Seventh-day Adventist Church A F your soul, and with all your strength. And these World Headquarters NG words which I command you today shall be in Silver Spring, Maryland DI L your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your family.adventist.org BUI N O TI A M R O F E R & L A V VI E R How to Use This Planbook The Family Ministries Planbook is an Family Togetherness Week: annual resource organized by the General September 6-12 Conference Family Ministries department Family Togetherness Week is scheduled with input from the world field to supply the second week in September, beginning local churches around the world with with the second Sunday and ending on the resources for the special family emphases following Sabbath with Family Togetherness weeks and Sabbaths. Day. Family Togetherness Week and Family Togetherness Day highlight celebrating the VI Christian Home and Marriage Week: church as a family. February 7-14 Christian Home and Marriage Week occurs in Family Togetherness Day: February embracing two Sabbaths: Christian Sabbath, September 12 Marriage Day that emphasizes Christian (Emphasizes the Church Family) marriage and Christian Home Day that Use the Family Sermon for the worship service emphasizes parenting. Christian Home and and the Family Seminar for a Friday evening, Marriage Week begins on the second Sabbath Sabbath afternoon and/or Saturday night and ends on the third Sabbath in February. program. Christian Marriage Day: Within this planbook you will find sermons, Sabbath, February 7, seminars, children’s stories as well as leadership (Emphasizes Marriage) resources, reprint articles and book reviews to help Use the Marriage Sermon for worship service facilitate these special days and other programs and the Marriage Seminar during a Friday you may want to implement during the year. In evening, Sabbath afternoon or Saturday night Appendix A you will find useful information that program. will assist you in implementing family ministries in your local church. S E Christian Home Day: RI MO Sabbath, February 14, This resource also includes a disk with ME (Emphasizes Parenting) Microsoft PowerPoint® presentations of the Y L Use the Parenting Sermon for worship service seminars. Seminar facilitators are encouraged to MI A and the Parenting Seminar during a Friday personalize the Microsoft PowerPoint® presentations F G N evening, Sabbath afternoon or Saturday night with their own personal stories and pictures that DI program. reflect the diversity of their various communities. L UI B N O M R E S SERMONS 7 S E RI O M E M Y L MI A F G N DI L UI B N O TI A M R O F E R & L A V VI E R Building Lasting Memories ELAINE AND WILLIE OLIVER The Texts Our time together was simply incredible. We Song of Solomon 2:7; 4:7; 8:7; 1:2 relaxed, caught up on some reading, ate food we didn’t cook, enjoyed swimming and snorkeling, I charge you, O daughters of body-boarding and kayaking. While there was Jerusalem By the gazelles or by the much to enjoy, our favorite lasting memory was does of the field, Do not stir up learning to sail. nor awaken love Until it pleases. v. 2:7 As soon as our sailing lesson began, we 8 realized there was much more complexity You are all fair, my love, And there to this sport than appeared on the surface. It is no spot in you. v. 4:7 was at once stressful and relaxing, challenging and rewarding. We quickly realized we would Many waters cannot quench love, need to work together as a team and be on the Nor can the floods drown it. If a same side of the catamaran (sail boat) if we man would give for love All the were to experience gliding smoothly across the wealth of his house, It would be beautiful waters. utterly despised. v. 8:7 God created marriage so that human beings Let him kiss me with the kisses of would have an opportunity to build lasting his mouth—For your love is better memories, leaving a legacy onto the third and than wine. v. 1:2 fourth generations. While the process has challenging moments, the rewards are out of this world. Introduction To celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary Our sermon today is titled, Building Lasting a few months ago, we spent five days at the Memories, let us pray. S RIE beach. We love beach vacations. Especially O M where there is beautiful fine sand and clear ME blue water. The Reality of Marriage and Its LY Problems MI A We still remember our honeymoon as if it F NG Elaine Oliver, MA, CFLE and Willie Oliver, PhD, CFLE were yesterday. While we could only spend a few DI are Directors of the Department of Family Ministries for the days at the beach because of our budget, we had BUIL GHeenaderqaul aCrtoenrsf eirne nScilev eorf Sthperi Snegv, eMntahr-ydlaany dA, dUveSnAt.i st Church World a fantastic time. Not that everything was flawless. N Nevertheless, we were finally married after dating woman. Here the Creator’s wisdom and O M long distance for a year. Life felt settled, serene bounty are displayed. Thus, the Song is R E S and still. We were now ready to face the rest of best taken as an example of Israel’s wisdom our lives together. poetry (cp. Prov. 5:15–20; 6:24–29; 7:6–27; 30:18–20). Like many psalms that praise God Although just married for twenty-four hours, and also teach, the Song’s main purpose we knew we would be fine as long as we were is to celebrate rather than to instruct. together. We loved each other, and nothing and (Van Leeuwen, 2003). no one could disturb our harmony. We had arrived at a place of contentment and satisfaction Song of Solomon 2:7 states: “Oh, let me in our lives. warn you, sisters in Jerusalem, by the gazelles, yes, by all the wild deer: Don’t excite love, don’t But is it possible within the domain of human stir it up, until the time is ripe—and you are capacity to keep love always sheltered from injury ready.” (The Message) or hurt? And even if we could, is love—we are talking about the romantic feelings and ecstasy The meaning of the refrain is that of early marriage—enough to sustain a marriage? love cannot be forced but must The answer in our opinion is no. be patiently waited for. In other words, the beloved reminded all The Meaning of Love those desiring a relationship like What is love, after all? It seems to be the the one she and Solomon enjoyed catch-all in relationships. We fall in love and fall waiting patiently for God to bring out of love. But is that really what love is? it into their lives. Gazelles (2:17; cf. v. 17; 3:5; 4:5; 7:3; 8:14) and does These days the word love seems to be used to refer are graceful, agile animals. It was to all kinds of situations. We hear people say: “I love natural for a beloved one, thinking 9 apple pie,” or “I love to exercise every day,” or “I love of the fields and forests (2:1, 3), to to nap after lunch,” or “I love to cook and bake,” or make an oath by mountain animals. “I love to eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.” It (Deere, 1985). is amazing how love is used in language to convey people’s affinity to something or an activity. The message is clear. Love—the love God wants us to experience in relationships—is so We propose it is probably one of the reasons delightful, so magnificent, so superb, He wants we have such difficulty in marriage. For if you us to be truly ready for it—spiritually, physically, love your husband or wife the way you love to financially, emotionally—or we will just mess eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich; or the way things up. Beware of puppy love; it will lead to you love to exercise or cook and bake, it is a bit a dog’s life. problematic, and chances are it won’t make your marriage a success. Consequently, we must come The Song of Solomon, originally written in to grips with the true meaning of love; at the very Hebrew, has at least three words for our English least, come to terms with what role God meant word love. The first word we share is rayah; for love to play in our marriage relationships. which is literally translated friend or companion— somebody with whom you enjoy hanging out. S E Love in the Song of Solomon Song of Solomon 4:7 says: “You are beautiful RI O M The Song of Solomon provides us with a from head to toe, my dear love, beautiful beyond E M sequence of snapshots of the relationship between compare, absolutely flawless.” (The Message) G N a man and a woman. The ecstasy and complexity TI S that convey what love—real love—is all about. Solomon summarized his praise A L by ascribing perfect beauty to NG Like Gen. 2:23–25, the Song celebrates his bride. She had no flaw, or LDI God’s gift of bodily love between man and physical defect. She was perfect in BUI