Dr Dale’s ZOMBIE DICTIONARY The A-Z Guide to Staying Alive D D S R ALE ESLICK Illustrated by Jack Knight Dedication Dr Dale wishes to thank all those who have been integral to the research that is included in this edition. With special consideration to Donald, Judy and Tristen for their continuing hard work and dedication. And the random homeless people who gave their time and bodies for a plate of sandwiches in order for us to carry out experiments on them, in the current absence of any undead. Keep vigilant and stay safe. Table of Contents Title Page Dedication INTRODUCTION ZOMBIES: THE BASICS A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z DR DALE’s FINALWORDS OF WISDOM ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS About the Author Copyright INTRODUCTION Hi, I’m Dr Dale from Dr Dale’s School of Survival, and I’ve written this book to make sure you don’t get your intestines ripped out. First of all, let me thank you for buying my Zombie Dictionary, for taking this positive step to guarantee your own survival should the undead rise. You should take a moment now to feel a great sense of inner peace, satisfied that you had the foresight and strength to admit that you needed the Zombie Dictionary in order to prepare for the zombie apocalypse. You needed Dr Dale’s help. Yes, that’s it, let that cosy feeling of needing me just flow right through you. OK, that’s enough inner peace and self satisfaction. We should really get down to the business of making sure you don’t die… And rise again. Those of you who have purchased this book in the hope of finding out all about the best firearms, heavy artillery, torpedoes, missiles, tanks and submarines will be sorely disappointed. Here at the School of Survival, those are not the kind of methods we use. During a zombie apocalypse, guns will be in short supply – they also require ammunition and constant maintenance to make sure they are at peak performance. All this means that they are unreliable. You need to learn how to survive using anything and everything you can get your hands on as well as a healthy dose of common sense, and that is what we shall be focusing on in these pages. Throughout this dictionary there will be facts that will shock, astound and amaze you in equal measure – but be aware that none of the advice can be taken as definitive. As yet, no zombies have risen from the grave on which to test our theories. However, like most resourceful, intelligent people, here at the school we have researched our information thoroughly using movies, books, blogs, forums, Wikipedia and a man down the pub who we think is called Bob…or perhaps Bert – can’t really remember, but he does wear a hat. We hope you have an informative and life-changing journey with us through the pages of the Zombie Dictionary and if, in fact, this information turns out not to be useful and you don’t survive a zombie apocalypse, we are happy to give you a full no-qualms refund if the book is returned within 30 days of purchase, with a valid receipt, by the person who bought it.