It shouldn’t be fun to be chased by an animal that outweighs you by a factor of seventy, but Peter Allison gets an odd thrill every time an elephant charges his beaten-up jeep or a peckish crocodile looks at him sideways. And now our favourite safari leader is back with more crazy, incredible, endearing and laugh-out-loud funny tales from his time guiding unsuspecting tourists through the African bush. By now you’d think he’d know his way around. You’d be wrong. From avoiding territorial hippos and half-starved lions to dodging landmines and getting lost on the unforgiving savannah, Peter Allison has had his fair share of close calls. Yet despite a growing suspicion that it is trying very hard to kill him, he just can’t shake his love of this remarkable land, its animals and its people. Drawing on his experiences in South Africa, Botswana, Mozambique and Namibia, this book picks up where Whatever You Do, Don’t Runleft off. If you enjoyed Peter’s first best-selling book of hilarious safari stories you’re going to love Don’t Look Behind You, But . . . ‘Great escapist reading.’ Sun Herald ‘Fun, informative stories in which tourists and animals are treated with the same affection and humour.’ Woman’s Day ALLEN&UNWIN Cover design: Darian Causby Front cover photo: Corbis Back cover photo: Getty Images TRAVEL www.allenandunwin.com DON'T LOOK Half Title Page 18/3/09 4:38 PM Page 1 Don’t Look Behind Don’t Look Behind YYoouu, BBuutt .. . .. . , Also by Peter Allison Whatever You Do, Don’t Run: My adventures as a Botswana safari guide DON'T LOOK Title Page 18/3/09 4:37 PM Page 1 Don’t Look Behind Don’t Look Behind You But . . . You,, But . . . More tales from an African Safari guide Tales from an African safari guide P ETE R ALLI S O N P ete r Alli s o n First published in 2009 Copyright © Peter Allison 2009 All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without prior permission in writing from the publisher. The Australian Copyright Act 1968 (the Act) allows a maximum of one chapter or 10 per cent of this book, whichever is the greater, to be photocopied by any educational institution for its educational purposes provided that the educational institution (or body that administers it) has given a remuneration notice to Copyright Agency Limited (CAL) under the Act. Allen & Unwin 83 Alexander Street Crows Nest NSW 2065 Australia Phone: (61 2) 8425 0100 Fax: (61 2) 9906 2218 Email: [email protected] Web: www.allenandunwin.com Cataloguing-in-Publication details are available from the National Library of Australia www.librariesaustralia.nla.gov.au ISBN 978 1 74175 641 8 Map by Guy Holt Set in 11/15.5 pt Bulmer by Bookhouse, Sydney Printed in Australia by McPherson’s Printing Group 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 This book is dedicated to anyone who works to preserve wild places—from those who live in uncomfortable conditions in the field to teach us more about animals, to people who take a little time to lobby for protection of wilderness, my good friends in the safari business, and even the legislators who sign national parks into existence. They all make some sacrifice for this, and I salute them. Contents Acknowledgements xi Introduction xiii Three Little Pigs 1 Stay Calm, But Move Fast 9 Titus and the Chameleons 19 Lights At Night 27 One Mpondo 33 Lollipop 41 A Kinky Tail 53 The Giggler 63 Welcome to Botswana 75 The Water War 85 Nuts 95 Snakes and Ladders 101 Speaking Monkey 107 Busted 113 vii Exile to an Island 135 Baboon People 155 Five Nights With Stompie 171 The Coffin 185 Nerds, Words and a Snake 195 Twelve Paces 199 The Wrong Elephant 207 The Okavango Detox Disaster 221 Only Food Runs 227 An Elephant’s Lesson 235 Don’t Ask for Red Drum 243 Making Diamonds From Coal 255 Skeletons 273 Epilogue 287 About the Author 289 NAMIBIA NAMIBIA ANGOLA B Linyanti RiverLinyaCnatim Tpented OTSWANA Chobe ZAMBIA Savuti Bush National Camp Park Duba Camp Vumbura Camp Kunene River MCoammbpo SerrCa aCmapfema Okavango River OkDaevlatnago JeMdoibreem Cia Wmipldlife Reserve Xigera SEE INSET Camp MAP Skeleton Coast Camp NAMIBIA OkDaevlatnago Maun Boro River Maun Swakopmund Windhoek Kalahari CGenamtrael RKeaslearhvaeri Limpopo River NKartuiognearl MOZAMBIQUE Desert Gaborone Park BOTSWANA Idube Camp Nelspruit Maputo Johannesburg S WAZILAND L ESOTHO Durban A t l a n t i c S A OUTH FRICA I n d i a n O c e a n O c e a n NAMIBIA NAMIBIA ANGOLA B Linyanti RiverLinyaCnatim Tpented OTSWANA Chobe ZAMBIA Savuti Bush National Camp Park Duba Camp Vumbura Camp Kunene River MCoammbpo SerrCa aCmapfema Okavango River OkDaevlatnago JeMdoibreem Cia Wmipldlife Reserve Xigera SEE INSET Camp MAP Skeleton Coast Camp NAMIBIA OkDaevlatnago Maun Boro River Maun Swakopmund Windhoek Kalahari CGenamtrael RKeaslearhvaeri Limpopo River NKartuiognearl MOZAMBIQUE Desert Gaborone Park BOTSWANA Idube Camp Nelspruit Maputo Johannesburg S WAZILAND L ESOTHO Durban A t l a n t i c S A OUTH FRICA I n d i a n O c e a n O c e a n