Domestic Violence and Control Jan E. Stets, PH.D. Domestic Violence and Control Springer-Verlag New York Berlin Heidelberg London Paris Tokyo Jan E. Stets, Ph.D. Family Research Laboratory Horton Social Science Center University of New Hampshire Durham, New Hampshire 03824, USA Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Stets, Jan E. Domestic violence and control. Bibliography: p. Includes index. 1. Conjugal violence-United States-Psychological aspects. 2. Wife abuse-United States-Prevention. 1. Title. HQ809.3.U5S83 1988 362.8'2 87-23555 © 1988 by Springer-Verlag New York Inc. Al! rights reserved. This work may not be translated or copied in whole or in part without the written permission of the publisher (Springer-Verlag, 175 Fifth Avenue, New York, New York 10010, USA), except for brief excerpts in connection with reviews or scholarly analysis. Use in connection with any form of information storage and retrieval, electronic adaptation, computer software, or by similar or dissimilar methodology now known or hereafter de veloped is forbidden. The use of general descriptive names, trade names, trademarks, etc. in this publication, even if the former are not especially identified, is not to be taken as a sign that such names, as understood by the Trade Marks and Merchandise Marks Act, may accordingly be used freely by anyone. Typeset by Asco Trade Typesetting Limited, Hong Kong. 9 8 765 432 1 ISBN-13: 978-0-387-96628-1 e-ISBN-13: 978-1-4613-8760-2 DOl: 10.1007/978-1-4613-8760-2 Preface This research began several years ago when an acquaintance, a staff mem ber at a midwestern women's shelter, learned of my interest in domestic violence and approached me about conducting an evaluation of a male batterers program that the shelter was going to implement. Over time, problems in recruiting enough participants, delays in starting the program, and other difficulties arose over the logistics of carrying out that program evaluation. Consequently, I abandoned that research agenda, but with the contacts I made, I refocused my efforts toward obtaining an understanding of the dynamics of violence on an interactive level. It was my belief that researchers in domestic violence had not fully captured the interpersonal processes occurring within domestic violence episodes. Over the following several months, I spent many hours talking to perpetrators and victims of violence with the thought that they could aid me in identifying processes indicative of violent interactions. From those lengthy discussions, this book has emerged. Having had the opportunity to talk, on an intimate level, with men and women involved in domestic violence, I have corne to better understand the violence I witnessed and experienced while growing up. It is my hope that those who have ever lived through such violence will find some ques tions answered in this book. Those who have never lived through such violence may find that the processes that occur within violent episodes are not very different from other interactions, differing only in that one partner responds violently. This book examines the features and processes that underlie domestic violence incidents between intimates. It is based on approximately 80 hours of in-depth interviews over three months with nine couples involved in violent relationships. As the pages that follow will show, the issue of control emerges as a central theme organizing respondents' thoughts and feelings on the batterer and the violence over time. This book uses the respondents' own talk to illustrate the different patterns of control. Early in Chapter 1, I provide the reader with a general understanding of what we know about domestic violence. I then indicate how this study vi Preface contributes to our understanding of abuse. Three unique features charac terize this research, including incorporating both the men's and women's perspectives, examining the violence over time, and employing the inter actionist perspective. In Chapter 2, I discuss how the present study was carried out. I describe how the respondents were obtained and how the interviews were con ducted, transcribed, coded, and analyzed. Chapter 3 introduces the re spondents in this study. Each respondent's background is described, and the history and nature of their current violent relationship are presented. In Chapter 4, I discuss the first pattern of control in domestic violence relationships. I reveal that respondents made sense of the violence they used or experienced by describing the batterer's emotions and behavior as in or out of control. The batterer's emotions are viewed as "out of control" (thus, impulsive), and their behavior is viewed as both "in control" (in strumental) and "out of control" (impulsive). A social psychological model is used to explain violence in terms of con trol in Chapter 5. I examine the complex and processual nature of the violent act in interaction and address the different aspects of the self-that is, the "I" and "Me" that intrude into the violent act to produce it, control it, or both. The model resolves competing explanations in the domestic violence literature (that violence is controlled and instrumental versus violence is uncontrolled and impulsive) by showing the conditions under which each is true. Chapter 6 provides detailed evidence from the data on how the model operates. This issue of control is also relevant to respondents when describing the violence over time. This second pattern of control is discussed in Chapter 7. As I show, repeated acts of violence are understood in terms of the bat terer wanting to control the woman's behavior. Becoming nonviolent over time is accompanied by the batterer avoiding attempted control over his partner and controlling his emotions and behavior. Chapter 8 discusses the general implications of this research and future concerns for interac tionists. There are many people who helped make this book possible. I am espe cially indebted to the men and women who participated in this research. Their trust in me and openness to share their feelings and experiences per mitted me to get into their lives and understand domestic violence from their perspective. I am also grateful to the officials at a midwestern shelter for abused women and to male battering counselors who gave me the opportunity to cunduct this research. Their cooperation enabled me to carry out this research. Special thanks are also extended to Bill Corsaro, Maureen Pirog-Good, Donna Eder, and Diane Felmlee who helped me obtain a richer under standing of domestic violence. A very special thanks is extended to Peter Burke who listened to my ideas throughout this research. His support Preface vii helped me get through some difficult moments. Finally, I thank those friends who were there when I needed them. This research was supported by Grant # 86-IJ-CX-67 from the National Institute of Justice, V.S. Department of Justice. Points of view or opinions stated in this book are those of the author and do not necessarily repre sent the official position or policies of the V.S. Department of Justice. Jan E. Stets Contents Preface.......................................................... v Chapter 1 Understanding Domestic Violence. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 A Brief Historical Look .................................... 2 Domestic Violence in Review ............................... 3 The Focus of This Study. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6 Summary....... ... ..... .............. ........... ..... ...... 13 Chapter 2 The Research Study.................................. 14 Recruitment ................................................ 14 Protection and Consent of Respondents. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15 Interview Procedure........................................ 16 Transcription and Coding Procedure . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 17 Analysis .................................................... 18 This Research and the Male Batterers Program. . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19 Chapter 3 Participants.................... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 21 Demography of Respondents . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 21 Participants .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 22 Couple 1: Ronald and Kathy. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 22 Couple 2: Henry and Jackie.............................. 26 Couple 3: Fred and Ann ................................. 30 Couple 4: Mike and Kay. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 33 Couple 5: Larry and Terri................................ 37 Couple 6: Doug and Wendy.............................. 40 Couple 7: Kevin and Lisa ..................... ,.......... 44 Couple 8: Bill and Jane .................................. 48 Couple 9: Frank and Nancy. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 50 x Contents Chapter 4 Emotions as Out of Control and Behavior as In and Out of Control . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 54 Emotions as Out of Control ................................. 55 The Men's Emotions. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 55 The Women's Emotions.................................. 56 Discussion on Emotions. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 57 Behavior as In and Out of Control .......................... 61 The Men's Behavior..................................... 61 The Women's Behavior ........... , ........ , ...... " . .. . . . 65 Discussion on Behavior ..................................... 65 Summary ............. '" ..... .... ..... .... .... .... ..... .... 67 Chapter 5 Explaining Violence in Terms of Control. . . . . . . . . . . . . . 69 An Interactionist Perspective ............................... 69 Perception ............................................... 73 Manipulation............................................. 74 Consummation .......................................... 75 Emotions as Out of Control and Behavior as In and Out of Control .......................................... 76 Summary.... .............. ... ..... ..... ... .... .... ...... ... 76 Chapter 6 Control as Object: Evidence for the Symbolic Interactionist Model ................................. 78 Clarifying the Model ....................................... 78 Shortcomings to the Data ................................... 79 Identifying the Subset of Data .............................. 80 Evidence of the Symbolic Interactionist Model from the Findings .................................................... 83 The Relationship Between the Expectations of the "Me" to be Nonviolent and Inhibiting the Impulse to be Violent. . . . 83 The Relationship Between the Expectations of the "Me" to be Violent and Inhibiting the Impulse to be Violent ....... 85 The Relationship Between the Expectations of the "Me" to be Violent and Checking the Impulse to be Violent ........ 87 The Relationship Between the Expectations of the "Me" to be Nonviolent and Checking the Impulse to be Violent .... 88 The Relationship Between the Expectations of the "Me" to be Violent and Carrying out the Impulse to be Violent. . . . . 90 The Relationship Between the Expectations of the "Me" to be Nonviolent and Carrying out the Impulse to be Violent. 92 The Interactive Component of the Model ................. 92 A Discussion of the Contextual Cues ..................... 95 Summary...... ... .... ..... ......... ........ .... ..... .... ... 98 Contents xi Chapter 7 Control as Object: An Analysis of Violence Over Time. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 101 Phase One: The Emergence of Violence in Terms of Instrumentality ............................................ 103 Stage One: Challenging the Right to Control ............. 105 Stage Two: Losing Control and Using Violence to Regain Control. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 106 Stage Three: Regaining Control Through the Other's Submission. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 107 Instrumental Violence: A Way of Doing Power ........... 109 Phase Two: Instrumental Violence to Nonviolence Through Control . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 111 Controlling Emotions. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 112 Controlling Violent Behavior ............................. 113 Avoiding Controlling the Woman......................... 116 Control, Violence, and Change Over Time... . .. ... ..... .. 116 Summary ................................................... 120 Chapter 8 Conclusions ......................................... 121 Summary of Research Findings. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 121 The Men's and Women's Perspectives ....................... 124 Implications of Research Regarding Control and Violence ... 127 Future Concerns for Symbolic Interactionists . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 132 Summary ................................................... 133 Appendix 1 Data on Couples Over Time (1985) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 135 Appendix 2A Letter to Male Participants . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 136 Appendix 2B Informed Consent Form to Male Participants ...... 137 Appendix 3A Letter to Female Participants ..................... 138 Appendix 3B Informed Consent Form to Female Participants . . . . 139 Appendix 4 Interview Approach .............................. 140 Appendix 5 Interview Guide .................................. 145 Appendix 6 Interview Guide Over Time. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . .. . . . 147 Appendix 7 Coding Procedure ............................... . 148 Appendix 8A Demographic Characteristics of Respondents ..... . 150 Appendix 8B Demographic Characteristics of Respondents continued ....................................... . 152 Appendix 9 Treatment Methods for Respondents Over Time (1985) ........................................... . 154 xii Contents Appendix 10 The Absence of Control 155 Appendix 11 Applying the Model to Violence Toward Men ..... 157 References ...................................................... 159 Author Index . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 163 Subject Index. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 165