CO-DEPENDENTS ANONYMOUS First Edition CoDA Service Office Phoenix, Arizona Published by: Co-Dependents Anonymous P.O. Box 33577 Phoenix, AZ 85067-3577 First Printing July 1995 Second Printing January 1996 Third Printing August 1996 Copyright ® 1995 Co-Dependents Anonymous, Inc. All rights reserved. Library of Congress Catalog Card Number: 95-69158 ISBN: 0-9647105-0-1 The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions are reprinted and adapted with permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. Permission to reprint and adapt this material does not mean that AA has reviewed or approved the content of this publication, nor that AA agrees with the views expressed herein. AA is a program of recovery from alcoholism only - use of the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions in connection with programs and activities which are patterned after AA, but which address other problems, does not imply otherwise. Zo a loving Migher Power Zo each member of the fellowship of Co-Dependents Anonymous Zo the codependent who still suffers Acknowledgments We, the members of the Fellowship of Go-Dependents Anonymous, would like to express our heartfelt appreciation and gratitude to all who have committed time, energy, gifts, and talents to GoDA. To you who worked so diligently to develop and establish GoDA as a program of recovery from codependence and to you who continue to arduously support and maintain GoDA’s growth, we say, “Thank you.” The heritage of the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of GoDA are found in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. We wish to express our sincere gratitude to Bill W. and Dr. Bob, the founders of A. A., and to the successors of Alcoholics Anonymous for the work you have accomplished, the struggles you endured, and the successes you have experienced as you walked this path before us. CONTENTS Foreword........................................................................................i Preamble......................................................................................h Welcome.................................................................................. lb Promises........................................................................................v Chapter 1 Beginning Our Journey........................................................1 Chapter 2 Our Spiritual Dilemma........................................................13 Chapter 3 A Suggested Program of Recovery.....................................23 Chapter 4 Service to Others.................................................................83 Chapter 5 Commonly Asked Questions.............................................95 PERSONAL STORIES 1. My Story.........................................................................121 2. My Thanksgiving Story...............................................131 3. David & The Lions........................................................141 4. God, Please Help M e....................................................149 5. Freedom From Denial.................................................159 6. Cecile’s Story.................................................................165 7. Tap Dancer No More....................................................181 8. A Door of Hope ............................................................187 9. To Tell the Truth..........................................................199 10. The Diemaker/Accountant.........................................213 11. The Joy is in the Journey...........................................227 12. Chameleon.....................................................................241 13. CoDA Comes to Maryland...........................................251 14. Gay, Catholic and Codependent................................263 15. Painful Journeys..........................................................279 16. No More Secrets............................................................291 17. Men Don’t Cry..............................................................303 18. Trial By Fire..................................................................309 19. Off the Roller Coaster.................................................315 20. Bobby’s Hope................................................................321 21. Finding My Child Within.............................................331 22. Listen to the Wind........................................................337 23. Finally Stopped the Abuse...........................................345 24. Ken’s Story....................................................................359 25. Bill’s Story....................................................................379 26. Codependence Manifested as Multiple Addictions.....................................................393 27. I Couldn’t Stay and I Couldn’t Leave!.......................403 28. Mary R’s Story ..............................................................413 29. The Gift.........................................................................433 30. John’s Story..................................................................439 31. Two Lives, One Relationship......................................457 32. Bob’s Story....................................................................479 33. Beth’s Story..................................................................483 34. 1 Am A Miracle..............................................................491 35. Tim’s Safe Place............................................................503 36. A Story of the Original Sin.......................................507 37. Life is Positive..............................................................517 38. Once Upon A Time.....................................................525 39. The Only Child............................................................537 40. The Celebration of a Spiritual Journey.....................545 Appendices 1. CoDA’S First Six Years...............................................555 2. How to Get in Touch With GoDA................................577 3. Tapes and Literature Available.............................. 578 4. The Steps and Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous................................... ggj Foreword Go-Dependents Anonymous is a worldwide fellowship of men and women who come together to solve their common and individual problems of co-dependence. The need for such a program as CoDA was so great that in the first six years of CoDA’s existence the program grew to more than 4,000 meetings worldwide, with a membership of approximately 100 000 , . In the infancy of Go-Dependents Anonymous, the Board of Trustees turned to the founders to draft the first version of a book to reflect the experience, strength and hope of the Fellowship. This version began the process leading to the book you’re reading today. This First Edition of Co-Dependents Anonymous is the culmination of many years of work involving members of several Boards of Trustees and others in the Fellowship. This work is not a product of any one time or place. It is an ongoing evolutionary process, produced by countless meetings of group conscience spanning half a decade and an entire continent. In order to allow this evolution to continue, the Fellowship has approved revising this Book every two years for the next six years. You who read this work are encouraged to express your feelings, thoughts and concerns. Just as this book of Co-Dependents Anonymous is a work in progress, so are the long form of the Traditions. We intend to reflect the evolving experience, strength and hope of our own Fellowship as another level of our Higher Power’s plan is revealed. We offer this book, not only as a practical guide, but as a symbol of our own collective journey. It represents a cross section of our experiences, both joyous and painful, and it stands as a beacon to the codependent who still suffers. There is hope for changed relationships with a Higher Power, ourselves and others. We can move out of our current, perhaps lifelong pain and into a new way of living. We now invite all who suffer from codependence to read our book in the hope that each of you may find what many of us have found — the hope and freedom of recovery. i Preamble Go-Dependents Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women whose common purpose is to develop healthy relationships. The only requirement for membership is a desire for healthy and fulfilling relationships. We gather together to support and share with each other in a journey of self-discovery— learning to love the self. Living the program allows each of us to become increasingly honest with ourselves about our personal histories and our own codependent behaviors. We rely upon the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions for knowledge and wisdom. These are the principles of our program and guides to developing honest and fulfilling relationships with ourselves and others. In CoDA, we each learn to build a bridge to a Higher Power of our own understanding, and we allow others the same privilege. This renewal process is a gift of healing for us. By actively working the program of Go-Dependents Anonymous, we can each realize a new joy, acceptance, and serenity in our lives. ii