Child Free Book 30/3/05 11:49 am Page ii Child Free Book 30/3/05 11:49 am Page iii CHILD FREE AND LOVING IT! Nicki Defago Child Free Book 30/3/05 11:49 am Page iv First published in 2005 by Fusion Press, a division of Satin Publications Ltd. 101 Southwark Street London SE1 0JF UK [email protected] www.visionpaperbacks.co.uk Publisher: Sheena Dewan © Nicki Defago 2005 The right of Nicki Defago to be identified as the author of the work has been asserted by her in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act of 1988. ‘The Beautiful Frock’ is reproduced by kind permission of Edward Monkton. ‘How We Are Ruining Our Children’ is reproduced by kind permission of The Times. © Libby Purves ‘It’s a Family Affair’ is reproduced by kind permission of the Guardian. © Julie Bindel ‘Private Lives’ is reproduced by kind permission of the Guardian. © Guardian All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior written permission of the publisher. A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library. ISBN: 1-904132-63-4 2 4 6 8 10 9 7 5 3 1 Cover and text design by ok?design Printed and bound in the UK by Mackays of Chatham Ltd, Chatham, Kent Child Free Book 30/3/05 11:49 am Page v To my mum and dad, and other open-minded parents who are nothing like those I’m about to describe Child Free Book 30/3/05 11:49 am Page vi Author’s Note The author is not a member of any childfree organisation or a campaigner for the rights of childfree people. Child Free Book 30/3/05 11:49 am Page vii Contents 1 Preface I 1 3 Chapter Freedom of Choice 2 21 Chapter The Childfree Stigma 3 36 Chapter Parent Propaganda 4 51 Chapter Instinct and Reason 5 70 Chapter Consumerism 6 83 Chapter Environment and Population 7 105 Chapter Work and Childcare 8 128 Chapter Men 9 144 Chapter Sanctimonious Parents 10 158 Chapter Free Range Children 11 173 Chapter Honest Parents 12 193 Chapter What You Won’t Be Missing Out On II 207 Childfree and Loving It! Positive Stories of Childfree People 237 Afterword 238 References and Resources 247 Acknowledgements 248 About the Author vii Child Free Book 30/3/05 11:49 am Page viii Child Free Book 30/3/05 11:49 am Page 1 Preface A while ago I met an old friend who I hadn’t seen for 20 years. ‘How’s Mary-Anne?’ she asked, after we’d caught up on our lives. Mary-Anne and I were teenage contemporaries and are still in touch. ‘Fine,’ I reported. ‘She’s married with four kids now!’ My friend shook her head with a look of grim sympathy. ‘How ghastly,’ she said, and I thought, here’s someone I identify with. Not having children seems an entirely logical decision, not only because of the wonderful lifestyle it allows, but because the world is so over-populated anyway. Yet after I was married and people asked when (rarely if) my husband Jim and I were going to start a family, reactions to our lack of intent were so extraordinary that they prompted the writing of this book. Choosing to be childfree brings with it a fantastic sense of freedom for which I feel grateful every day. It would have been 1 Child Free Book 30/3/05 11:49 am Page 2 Childfree and Loving It! easy to ‘follow the pack’ because society so expects us to con- form to tradition. But to have carefully considered the long- term implications of creating new lives and subsequently decided against is empowering. We’ve never looked back. This book is not about whether people should or should not have children. It is about personal choice. 2