By Force of Instinct Abigail Reynolds By Force of Instinct Abigail Reynolds IntertIdal Press By Force oF InstInct copyright © 2002, 2007 by Abigail reynolds All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book, or portions thereof, in any format whatsoever. For information, address Intertidal Press, 700 rayovac Dr., suite 220, Madison, WI 53711. IsBn: 97 ISBN-13: 8-0-6151-4825- 978-1-4022-1-4660 0 Book and cover design by ellen Pickels www.abigail-reynolds.com To Elaine It is not often that someone comes along who is a true friend, a perceptive and enthusiastic reader, and a good writer. (with apologies to E. B. White) Chapter 1 A fel ow that lives in a windmill has not a more whimsical dwel ing than the heart of a man that is lodged in a woman … To know this, and yet to continue to be in love is to be made wise from the dictates of reason, and yet persevere to play the fool by force of instinct. —Wil iam Congreve, The Way of the World With Mr. Darcy’s letter in hand, elizabeth wandered along the lane for two hours. How could it be that only this morning, she had been so certain of her convictions that Mr. Darcy wronged both her sister Jane and Mr. Wickham? she could hardly reconcile herself to the intelligence in the letter, proving Mr. Darcy a victim rather than a villain. At last, fatigue and a recollection of her long absence made her return home, and she entered the house with the wish of appearing as cheerful as usual. she was immediately told that colonel Fitzwilliam had called during her absence, and had been sitting with the ladies for over an hour awaiting her return. Her agitating reflections did not stand her in good stead for civil conversation, yet she assured herself that he was only hoping to take leave of her, since he and Mr. Darcy were to depart the following morning. she endeavoured to compose herself, and with a deep breath she entered the sitting room with a charming, if somewhat unsteady, smile. “Miss Bennet!” cried colonel Fitzwilliam. “I had just resolved to walk after you, and here you are!” “My apologies that I was not here to receive you, sir,” she said with a 5 Abigail Reynolds curtsey. “I fear that I lost all track of time in my rambling.” “It is hardly a matter of concern, Miss Bennet,” he replied amiably. “I have been enjoying a delightful visit with Mrs. collins and Miss Lucas; and, as it happens, I enjoying a delightful visit with Mrs. collins and Miss Lucas; and, as it happens, I anticipate having the unexpected opportunity to take pleasure in your company in the days to come.” At elizabeth’s look of confusion, Maria Lucas said, “It appears that colonel Fitzwilliam is not to depart tomorrow as anticipated, Lizzy! Is that not delightful news?” “Delightful indeed,” echoed elizabeth stiffly as a worrisome implication came to her mind. she longed to ask the reason for the change of plans but feared to know it; she recalled only too clearly their discourse of the previous day when he had said they were to leave on saturday unless Darcy put it off again. Surely Mr. Darcy would wish to be quit of this place as soon as possible! she thought in distress. He cannot possibly think to renew his addresses—no, his letter said that he could not forget his feelings for me quickly enough! she awaited with dread his further explanation. “Well, it is quite true! An express arrived last night from my father, announcing that he and my mother will be descending upon rosings later today, accompanied by Miss Darcy. since it would be the height of bad manners for us to depart before they arrive,” he smiled engagingly at his own wit, “here we must remain.” elizabeth’s heart sank even further at this intelligence. she tried to rally her spirits by reminding herself that Lady catherine would certainly have no interest in the company of Mr. and Mrs. collins with so much of her family at rosings. Surely he and I can manage to avoid one another for a week, and then I shall be for London myself, she thought. “so Mr. Darcy will be remaining as well,” she said as steadily as she could manage. “yes, of course,” said colonel Fitzwilliam, “though he is in quite an ill humour about it; I believe that he was looking forward to his return to town. When he heard the news this morning, he looked quite as annoyed as I have ever seen him!” I can only imagine! thought elizabeth. I doubt he could be rid of me soon enough! Words were insufficient for the elevation of Mr. collins’s feelings 6 By FoRce oF InstInct on receiving the intelligence that no lesser personages than Lord and Lady Derby themselves were to appear at rosings. He resolved immediately to be within view of the lodges opening into Hunsford Lane for the entirety of the day, lest he miss the opportunity to make his first obeisance to the honoured guests. After relating at some length the extra effort which he would put into his sunday sermon for the benefit of the elevated company, he hastened to rosings to call on her Ladyship, hoping for the condescension of receiving further news of the visit from her own lips. charlotte attempted to engage elizabeth in conversation, but the latter felt unequal to the circumstance and begged leave to retire to her room, owing to a headache. concerned that her friend’s ailment of the previous day seemed to have returned, charlotte suggested sending for the apoth-ecary, but elizabeth demurred, saying that rest would be all she would require. “If you are still ill tomorrow, Lizzy, I shall insist!” said charlotte. elizabeth was grateful to retire to the peace of her room, but her mind would not long remain still. she took out Mr. Darcy’s letter once more and perused it several times, struggling to collect her thoughts. The information in his letter had been distressing enough when she thought she should never see him again, and it was all the more so for the knowledge that they would likely meet at least in passing in the coming week. I must behave with absolute propriety and circumspection, she resolved. For both our sakes, no one must guess what has passed between us! she speculated whether anyone might know already—could Mr. Darcy have confided in colonel Fitzwilliam, or had anyone apart from charlotte noted his interest in her? she wondered briefly if she ought to acknowledge to him in any way that she recognized that she had misjudged and falsely accused him. He would no doubt find it gratifying, but the risk that he might believe that she was inviting a renewal of his addresses could not be justified. she would have to keep her thoughts to herself and live with the injustice of the matter. the following day colonel Fitzwilliam put in his usual appearance at the parsonage, accompanied this time by Miss Darcy. He begged of the ladies the opportunity to introduce them; and elizabeth, although hardly interested in opportunity to introduce them; and elizabeth, although hardly interested in becoming an intimate of anyone in the Darcy family, could not help feeling a deep curiosity as to the nature of this young woman of whom she had heard such differing descriptions. Mr. Wickham had told 7 Abigail Reynolds her that Miss Darcy was very proud, but the observation of a very few minutes convinced her that she was only exceedingly shy. she found it difficult to obtain even a word from her beyond a monosyllable. Miss Darcy was tall and on a larger scale than elizabeth; and, though little more than sixteen, her figure was formed and her appearance womanly and graceful. she was less handsome than her brother, but there was sense and good humour in her face, and her manners were perfectly unassuming and gentle. elizabeth, who had expected to find in her as acute and unembarrassed an observer as ever Mr. Darcy had been, was much relieved by discerning such different feelings. Had her situation been different, she thought that she might even have found pleasure in Miss Darcy’s acquaintance; but, as it stood, she could not imagine any connection with the Darcy family that would not create difficulties. she attempted to encourage interaction between Miss Darcy and Maria Lucas, since they were much of an age; but, since Maria was so in awe of Miss Darcy that she could scarcely utter a word, the encounter was somewhat less than successful. elizabeth found herself conversing mainly with colonel Fitzwilliam, whose easy manners covered some of the other difficulties. From time to time she succeeded in drawing Miss Darcy into the conversation for a few minutes; but, on the whole, she could not consider the occasion a success. If only Mr. Darcy were here as wel , she thought with frustrated amusement, we could have three silent participants instead of only two! she wondered briefly how there could possibly be any conversation at all at the Darcy dinner table, and then recalled that both colonel Fitzwilliam and Mr. Wickham had mentioned that Mr. Darcy could be quite lively and amiable amongst those he considered his equals. But I will never be the one to observe such a thing, she thought, recalling with anger his vivid recounting of his attempts to suppress his unsuitable feelings for her. she wondered if he knew where his sister was at this moment and what he thought of it. thought of it. she breathed a sigh of relief when the visitors took their leave. Maria Lucas chattered on for some time about the elegance of Miss Darcy, but elizabeth was scarcely listening; her thoughts had returned to Mr. Darcy’s pointed description of her family and her connections, and she could find little consolation for her shaken spirits. 8 By FoRce oF InstInct the following morning elizabeth dressed for church slowly but with unusual care; her desire to avoid the occasion completely was great, but she knew that her absence would be noted and that she could not plead a headache forever. Surely we can meet for the brief time needed at church as indifferent acquaintances, she thought, but her anxiety would not be quieted. she was still far from certain of what she thought of Mr. Darcy. His letter, she was in a fair way of knowing by heart. she had studied every sentence, and her feelings towards its writer were at times widely different. When she remembered the style of his address, she was still full of indignation; but, when she considered how unjustly she had condemned and upbraided him, her anger was turned against herself, and his disappointed feelings became the object of compassion. His attachment excited gratitude, his general character respect; but she could not approve him; nor could she for a moment repent her refusal or feel the slightest inclination to continue the acquaintance. In her own past behaviour, there was a constant source of vexation and regret and, in the unhappy defects of her family, a subject of yet heavier chagrin. They were hopeless of remedy. Her father, contented with laughing at them, would never exert himself to restrain the wild giddiness of his youngest daughters; and her mother, with manners so far from right herself, was entirely insensible of the evil. elizabeth had frequently united with Jane in an endeavour to check the imprudence of catherine and Lydia; but, while they were supported by their mother’s indulgence, what chance could there be of improvement? catherine, weak-spirited, irritable, and completely under Lydia’s guidance, had been always affronted by their advice; and Lydia, self-willed and careless, would scarcely give them a hearing. They were ignorant, idle, and vain. While there was an officer in Meryton, they would flirt with him; and, while Meryton was within a walk of Longbourn, they would be going there for ever.