Praise for Belong “If you want to belong, read this book.” —Deepak Chopra, MD “Radha wrote a book that’s fun to read, easy to digest, and embodies deep wisdom. I couldn’t wait to fnish reading my copy so I could give it to one of my friends to read the same day.” —Tony Hsieh, CEO of Zappos and author of Delivering Happiness “This year America’s happiness dropped as healthcare costs continue to soar. Radha has a solution for both. Her engaging, high-energy approach to connecting people and helping them provide purpose and fnd their community is an antidote more powerful than any pharmaceutical. Belong combines engaging storytelling, solid research, and an easy prescription for fnding your tribe and harnessing its incredible healing powers. Read it and live longer, better!” —Dan Buettner, National Geographic fellow and New York Times– bestselling author of the Blue Zones books “Few people know how to live life with such authentic expression as Radha does. In this book she shows us, in a clear and fun way, how and why this way of life can lead us all to the very thing we as humans desire the most: to belong.” —Alexander Ljung, Founder and Chairman, SoundCloud “Radha Agrawal is at the center of building one of the most important movements in America: the creation of deep community among a population of increasingly disconnected citizens. Belong takes the powerful lessons she’s learned through her remarkable entrepreneurial journey and creates an essential guidebook for anyone who wants to create or be part of a thriving community among any group or around any cause.” —Ben Rattray, Founder and CEO, Change.org “Radha was born to write this book. She has spent the last decade maniacally focused on fguring out the blueprint for community building, and this book cracks the code. Her illustrations make the book approachable and fun to read. I am so unbelievably proud of her achievement. It will help everyone fnd their tribe.” —Miki Agrawal, Founder, Tushy, THINX, Wild, and author of Disrupt-her and Do Cool Sh*t “When I was orbiting the earth every ninety minutes, I felt an incredible connection with the planet and all the earthlings living and working below. Reading Belong reminded me of that feeling of connectedness. I am certain this book will help readers reestablish meaning and purpose, together.” —Leland Melvin, astronaut, S.T.E.A.M. Explorer, and author of Chasing Space Find Your People, Create Community & Live a More Connected Life BELONG RADHA AGRAWAL CEO & Co-founder Daybreaker & Co-founder THINX WORKMAN PUBLISHING • NEW YORK Copyright © 2018 by Radha Agrawal Illustrations copyright © by Radha Agrawal Illustrated by Ryan LeMere and Radha Agrawal Cover art by Tomas Garcia All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced— mechanically, electronically, or by any other means, including photocopying—without written permission of the publisher. Published simultaneously in Canada by Thomas Allen & Son Limited. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available. ISBN 978-1-5235-0205-9 Design by Ryan LeMere, Janet Vicario, and Lisa Hollander Workman books are available at special discounts when purchased in bulk for premiums and sales promotions as well as for fund-raising or educational use. Special editions or book excerpts can also be created to specifcation. For details, contact the Special Sales Director at the address below, or send an email to This book is dedicated to the courageous and generous souls— old and young— who wake up every day to create and serve their communities. Thank you for enjoying the process, not only the destination. And to my future children, I promise to create a world with you in which you feel a deep sense of belonging. You Have to Go In to Go Out Foreword by John Mackey . . . . .viii PART I GOING IN . . . . . . . . . . 1 My Epiphany 1 How Community Changed My Life. . . .3 G entle Self-Awareness 2 How Are You Showing Up? . . . . . . . . . . . 19 Intention 3 Write It Down and Dig Deep . . . . . . . . 49 Energy 4 Set the Temperature, Why FYFs Are Friend Magnets, and How to Release Your Natural D.O.S.E. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 65 PART II GOING OUT . . . . . . . . . . 100 Where to Find Your People The Four Stages of Community . . . . . . . . . 103 5 The CRAWL Method How to Build Your Dream Community 6 from Scratch . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .131 Nurture Your Community Ten Foolproof Ways to Keep Them 7 Coming Back for More . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 161 Reframe and Embrace Conflict 8 Life Languages, the Friendship Cycle, Avoiding FOBLO, and Eradicating Gossip . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 177 Belonging and Aging Live It Up as a Master Citizen . . . . . 199 9 The Future of Belonging 10 What Happens Next? . . . . . 209 Acknowledgments 217 About the Author 221 Foreword think I should start out by declaring my bias up front: I absolutely love this book! Radha Agrawal has written a book that is a refection of who I she is as a person—authentic, wise, adventuresome, and loving. Belong takes us on a journey to discover who we are, what we like and don’t like, our purpose in life, and what gives us joy and happiness. It is our guidebook for exploration, and it shows us how to genuinely connect with others and create communities that we will nurture and which, in turn, will nurture us. All of us were born into and grew up in various communities—our families, neighborhoods, schools, clubs, friends, religious groups, cities, our larger nation, and indeed the entire human race and perhaps even all sentient beings. We truly are tribal animals, and we can only fully fourish within communities where we truly belong. Despite our need and desire for authentic community, many of us no longer experience it in our lives. Many Americans are no longer close to their biological families, and the neighborhoods and communities that we grew up in may no longer be relevant to our lives. We all too frequently go forward on our life journey with little conscious understanding about the importance that belonging to various communities has for our health and happiness. Belong brilliantly shows us how to know ourselves better and fnd, create, and connect with the people and communities with whom we will fnd the greatest fulfllment. Belong is an incredibly empowering book because it puts the responsibility for fnding and creating the communities that will fulfll us squarely on our own shoulders, while simultaneously teaching us the skills we need to do exactly that. One of things I like best about Belong is that Radha shares her own life journey with us, and she does so with genuine warmth. Far from boasting about her many accomplishments, Radha tells us about the mistakes she has made and the lessons she has learned, turning us into the benefciaries of her hard-earned wisdom. Often I felt her saying, “This is v i i i BELONG who I am. This is what I love and care about. This is what I want to do. This universe is beautiful and amazing! I want to share it with you. Let’s create a fun and nurturing community together. Let’s create a better world together.” Belong is overfowing with great ideas, wonderful stories, memorable quotes, and a depth of wisdom. I could quote dozens of lines I loved, but I’ll limit myself to two of my favorite ideas, beautifully expressed here: “Energy is a great equalizer in life. It doesn’t matter what you do for a living or how much money you have—the energy you put out is the energy you get back. Negative energy breeds negative community. Positive energy breeds positive community. It’s that simple.” And I also loved this: “As with everything in life, nothing stays the same. All communities and relationships evolve and change. When you sense it happening, rather than thinking, ‘This isn’t what it used to be,’ consider this: It’s never supposed to be what ‘it used to be’! Everything evolves, including communities and relationships, and it’s a beautiful thing! Let’s learn to embrace that!” Belong is an extraordinary book by an extraordinary person. It can be read quickly, but it should be read slowly, and, above all, it should be practiced. It is a book that will change your life for the better if you allow it to. I believe it has already done that for me; it has inspired me to lead my life adventure with more intentionality, more courage, and more love. I hope it does the same for you. —John Mackey Co-founder & Ceo Whole foods Market “We shall not cease from exploration. And the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the frst time.”—T. S. Eliot FOREWORD ix