BE HAPPIER IN ONE HOUR Enjoy Better Relationships, Better Health, More Success and a Longer Life D. E. Hardesty www.irrationalhappiness.com/dehardesty/ Copyright © 2015 D.E. Hardesty. All rights reserved. Photo credits: Cover photo: © Sunny Studio / Dollar Photo Club Chapter 1 photo: © Sunny Studio / Dollar Photo Club Chapter 2 photo: © Fuzzbones / Dollar Photo Club Chapter 3 photo: © Iulianvalentin / Dollar Photo Club Chapter 4 photo: © Pathdoc / Dollar Photo Club Chapter 5 photo: © Syda Productions / Dollar Photo Club Chapter 6 photo: © Brian Jackson / Dollar Photo Club This book is dedicated to everyone who wants to be happy. Contents Introduction Chapter 1 - Look Inside for Happiness Chapter 2 - Let Go of Your Rules for Happiness Chapter 3 - Don’t Let Pleasure Obscure Happiness Chapter 4 - Choose Happiness as if Your Life Depends on It Chapter 5 - Find Happiness Through Meditation Chapter 6 - Find Happiness Through Selflessness, Charity, Compassion and Forgiveness Chapter 7 - Find Happiness in What You Do Final Word - Keep Choosing Happiness About the Author Other Writing by D.E. Hardesty Sample - Finding Your Power to Be Happy Endnotes Introduction Human beings are really kind of dumb. We have the natural ability to be happy any time we want. Yet, we don’t learn to use it. Instead, we spend our time trying to acquire things and do things to make ourselves happy. We try to gather people around us who will make us happy. “Things” do not have the power to make us happy. Other people do not have the power to make us happy. To be happier, you have to learn to find happiness inside of yourself and bring it into your life. People try to do things to accumulate lots of stuff, find better relationships, feel better, become more successful and live longer. A lot of this effort is aimed at making themselves happier. But, much of the time this effort is not effective. In reality, there is nothing we have to do to be happy. We make ourselves happy naturally. All of this running around trying to be happy just gets in the way. You are probably saying to yourself that I’m crazy and that all of these things do make us happy. People who are not happy just don’t try hard enough, or are not lucky enough to get what they want to make themselves happy. I don’t believe it. I look around and see people working like demons, acquiring things, gathering lots of people around them, and being successful. But, they are not happy. They are not healthy. Their relationships are toxic. Still, they keep working hard to get more of whatever they have. The simple fact is, human beings evolved to survive and have babies who survive. That’s it! To thrive as a species on a hostile planet, where everything was trying to kill us and eat us, our mind- bodies* evolved to do what it takes to survive. We did not evolve to be happy. Because of the way we evolved, we approach everything we do as if it were a survival course. We sweat and strain, and pursue all kinds of things in order to be happy – money, looks, relationships, health, knowledge, entertainment. This activity is more of what we did 100,000 years ago, stumbling through jungles or across plains, looking for something to eat. We still refer to our environment as a jungle -- urban jungle, business jungle, dating jungle. We are willing to spend a lot of time, and we are willing to suffer to get what we want – hoping that in the end what we get will bring happiness. People who are unwilling to make the effort are called lazy or losers. What do we want though? In the end, don’t we all just want to be happy? Isn’t happiness the purpose of all of this hard work? Of course it is. We want to do more than just survive. We want to be happy. We want to be fulfilled. We want to live with purpose. Working hard, acquiring a lot of stuff, and being “successful” does not guarantee happiness. The truth is, we all have the natural ability to be happy right now. At this moment, as you are reading this book, you can be happy. Nothing needs to change in your life. You can be happy just the way you are. And here is a bonus. Psychologists tell us that happy people have better relationships, better health, are more successful and live longer lives. They are not happier because of these things; instead they have these things because they are already happy. It is not success that makes you happy. It is happiness that makes you successful. The way to approach life is to learn to be happy first. That’s right. Just learn to be happy. By doing so, chances are all of the good things in life that you want will come to you. And, all of the time you are waiting for them you will be happy. If they never come, you will still be happy. It seems obvious that happy people would have better relationships. It is much easier to have healthy long-term relationships if you are already happy, and you are not looking for someone who can accomplish the impossible task of making you happy. It may come as a surprise that happy people are often more successful. One reason is that better relationships mean better connections with others and more chances of success. In addition, people who are happier are apter to like what they do, and stick with a career longer. Staying with a job that you like usually leads to greater success than jumping from job to job, looking for the one that will make you happy (another impossible task). Happy people are healthier and live longer. Nobody is quite sure why, but one reason is that it is easier to adopt a healthy lifestyle when you are happy. Unhappy people are more likely to sit on the couch, in front of the tube, hoping that the next joint, the next drink or the next pint of ice-cream will get them through another day. So, this book is about being happier. It is about changing your approach to life so that the natural happiness that is already inside of you can come into your life. It takes about an hour to read this book. During this hour, you will read about different ways of being happier, and each one includes something you can do right now to make yourself immediately happier. Anyone who reads this book and tries the exercises can be happier in one hour. Going forward, if you can devote an hour a day to these practices you will be happier and happier over time. Is it worthwhile to devote an hour of your time to learning to be happier? Obviously I think so. If being happier will give you better relationships, better health, more success and a longer life, what better way could you spend your time? The basic message of this book is, happiness is already inside of you, waiting to be released. It is not something you can buy and it is not something anyone can give you. Nobody can do anything to make you happier. Instead, you have to find it within yourself and then choose to allow it into your life. Being happy is like flicking a light switch. When the light is on you are happy, and when the light is off you are not. The conditions of your life usually do not matter. What matters is whether the light is on or off. In this book, I show you how to turn on that light. * In this book I will use the term mind-body, which refers to the way the human body and the human mind are inextricably linked, and interact with the world as a single unit. Chapter 1 Look Inside for Happiness The most important thing you can do to be happier right now is to learn that happiness is natural to you and is already inside of you waiting to be released. You just have to allow yourself to experience it. Once you know this truth of happiness, and incorporate it into the way you look at life, your level of happiness will increase. We have known for thousands of years that happiness is natural to us. Sure, it is difficult to believe this when you look at the people around you. In addition, Western philosophy and religion have not offered people much hope here. One philosopher claimed that life was “solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short.” (Hobbes). Western religion has often not been much better. However, it is my experience that incredible happiness is there for you if you change the way you approach life. Knowing that happiness is natural to you is important because ultimately you become what you think. If you believe that the world is a certain way, then that is often how it will be for you. You see the world that you expect to see. Depending on how you look at it, the world can be heaven or hell for you. We are used to thinking and believing that happiness comes from what we do and what we have. However, these circumstances (or conditions) of life only appear to create happiness. Authentic happiness does not depend on the conditions of your life. Real happiness is unconditional. You can experience it regardless of your life situation. You can be rich, beautiful and loved by all, and still be miserable. Alternatively, you can be sick and dying, and joyous. Let’s try a little thought experiment, which may illustrate what I have been saying. Pretend that you look at the lottery ticket that you bought last night and discover that you have just won $25 million. What is your reaction? Shock, amazement, disbelief and – happiness. Now ask yourself, where did this happiness come from? You might answer, “winning the lottery, of course.” However, you would be wrong. Winning the lottery may have triggered a feeling of happiness, but winning did not reach inside your mind-body and generate all of the chemical reactions that we know as the feelings of happiness. These feelings arose spontaneously, prompted by the idea of winning the lottery. The potential for happiness was already inside of you, waiting for your mind-body to give you permission to feel it. Obviously, it does appear that winning the lottery caused the feelings of happiness to arise, but the idea of winning only gave you permission to feel sensations that your mind-body was already capable of producing. Winning appears to be the key criteria for being happy in this case. However, in reality it is important only if your mind-body’s particular rules for happiness say that you can be happy only if you win the lottery and have lots of money. What is really important is to know that the feeling of happiness was and is already available in your mind-body. It is waiting to be released. All it takes is an idea – a trigger – to experience it. Now, authentic happiness (winning-the-lottery level happiness) is what we all want. It is already in the mind-body, and once you have taken care of your basic needs for food, clothing and shelter, you should be happy. In fact, you should be joyous. So, the first thing you can do to be happier is learn that happiness is already there, waiting to be released. This is the truth of happiness. How does knowing this truth of happiness help you be happier? Once you know this – really know this – it changes your approach life. For example, let’s say you have a job that provides enough for you and your family to be comfortable. However, you believe another job will make you happier because it pays more. It is a high-stress job, but you believe that the additional money makes it worth the stress. The assumption, that making more money will make you happier (an assumption disproven by psychologists), sets you on a road to higher stress and less happiness. The job may prevent you from sleeping well or prevent you from being with your family. It may make you feel bad about yourself because you have to do things you do not feel right about. All of the things that come with the new job may obscure your ability to see the happiness that is inside of you. If, however, you know that the happiness you want is already inside, you might decide not to take the job. Choosing a job is just one example of how knowing that happiness is natural helps you avoid doing things that will get in the way of being happy. Job choice is a big decision. However, every day you make hundreds of small decisions about what to do, or what not to do, based on what you believe about happiness. If you know that happiness is natural to you, then all of these little decisions will change. Knowing that happiness is natural to you, and acting on this knowledge changes the focus of your attention and intention. It puts everything in perspective and puts you on the path towards greater and greater happiness. What to do If you give yourself a chance, you may experience moments of real happiness that seem to come from out of nowhere. When this happens your mind-body may not believe this is happiness. It may tell you it’s a fake, that it is irrational. Have faith in the irrational. If you change the way you approach being happy, you can begin to experience the depths of true happiness that are available to you as your birthright. The first thing you need to do to begin experiencing this happiness is know that it exists. By the time you finish reading this book, you will hopefully be convinced. The first exercise we are going to do may show you that happiness actually does exist inside of you. Here is the exercise: Let’s go back to the lottery winner. $25 million! Unbelievable but true. You wake up poor, you go to sleep rich. Now, pretend that you are going to be in a play and that your role is that of the happy lottery winner. As a good method actor, you know that you have to pull from within yourself all of the feelings of happiness that you can. Your emotions have to be real because