CONTENTS Cover Acknowledgments Foreword 1. WHAT DRAWS ME TO PEOPLE? Understanding the qualities you enjoy in others 2. WHAT DRAWS OTHERS TO ME? Understanding what people like about you and why 3. HOW TO BE CONFIDENT WITH PEOPLE Learning to feel comfortable with others 4. BECOMING A PERSON PEOPLE WANT TO FOLLOW Developing the qualities of an effective leader 5. MOTIVATING PEOPLE FOR THEIR BENEFIT Developing the art of drawing out the best in people 6. HOW TO BE A PERSON PEOPLE RESPECT Understanding the value of your character 7. YOU CAN BE AN ENCOURAGER Using your skills to inspire others to excellence 8. LOVING DIFFICULT PEOPLE Understanding and helping difficult personalities 9. HOW TO BE A PERSON WHO CAN HANDLE CRITICISM Learning to use confrontation as an opportunity to grow 10. BEING A PERSON PEOPLE TRUST Building integrity into your relationships 11. DEVELOPING A WINNING TEAM Learning how to help others become successful Extras ACKNOWLEDGMENTS This book is dedicated to the three congregations that I have been privileged to pastor. The Church of Christ in Christian Union Hillham, Indiana 1969–1972 Faith Memorial Church Lancaster, Ohio 1972–1980 Skyline Wesleyan Church Lemon Grove, California 1981–1995 These churches represent thousands of relationships that have molded me as a leader. It is from these experiences that this book has been written. The one truth that rings clearer than any other is … People don’t care how much you know Until they know how much you care. FOREWORD One of the most important decisions I’ve ever made is to be a people person. Honestly, it wasn’t a difficult decision for me. I naturally love people and am attracted to them. But I also have to say, I’ve worked at improving my people skills. When I was growing up, I knew that I was going to become a pastor, and that meant that I would be working with people every day of my life. My father knew this too. He is a pastor. Because he understood the power and importance of being good with people, Dad helped me to start developing those skills while I was just a boy. He coached me. He gave me books to read. And by the time I had graduated from high school, he had taken me to two Dale Carnegie courses to learn how to win friends and influence people. My father also modeled great people skills to me. What makes that especially impressive is that unlike me, he is not naturally a people person. Where my temperament is very sanguine, his is melancholic. Where I am a natural optimist, his bent is toward pessimism. Yet he has taught himself to be both outgoing and positive. He continues to be an inspiration to me. If you are a believer in Christ, then you need to be a people person too. Jesus exhorts us to love one another (John 13:43). And the apostle John explains that if we truly love God, then we must love our brothers too (1 John 4:20–21). The good news is that with God’s help, anyone can learn to be a people person—regardless of their personality or background. Be a People Person is the first relationship book I ever wrote. It contains eleven key lessons that can help a person to become better at connecting with, relating to, and leading others. Each lesson is taught from a biblical perspective and contains references to Scripture to help you learn more about what the Bible says about the best ways to interact with people. I trust you will find this book helpful. And may God bless you as you bless others. John C. Maxwell John C. Maxwell 2007 CHAPTER 1 WHAT DRAWS ME TO PEOPLE? Understanding the qualities you enjoy in others T HE BASIS OF LIFE IS PEOPLE and how they relate to each other. Our success, fulfillment, and happiness depend upon our ability to relate effectively. The best way to become a person that others are drawn to is to develop qualities that we are attracted to in others. Just as I was preparing this chapter, I received an anonymous card from a member of my congregation. It was especially meaningful because it reflected the importance of warm, rewarding relationships: When special people touch our lives then suddenly we see how beautiful and wonderful our world can really be. They show us that our special hopes and dreams can take us far by helping us look inward and believe in who we are. They bless us with their love and joy through everything they give. When special people touch our lives they teach us how to live. Does that reflect the kind of person you are to others? It was a humbling blessing for me to receive such a greeting card. I realized how appropriate it is to this chapter as we consider what qualities we need to develop in our lives—the qualities we enjoy in others. This poster in a Nordstrom’s department store once caught my attention: “The only difference between stores is the way they treat their customers.” That’s a bold statement. Most stores would advertise the quality of their merchandise or their wide selection as what sets them apart from the rest. The difference between Nordstrom’s and other stores, according to an employee of the competition, is that other stores are organization-oriented; Nordstrom’s is people-oriented. Their employees are trained to respond quickly and kindly to customer complaints. As a result, according to writer Nancy Austin, “Nordstrom’s doesn’t have customers; it has fans.” A study by TARP, Technical Assistance Research Programs, in Washington, D.C., shows that most customers won’t complain to management if something goes wrong with the purchase. But TARP found out that, depending on the severity of the problem, an average customer will tell between nine and sixteen friends and acquaintances about his bad experience. Some 13 percent will tell more than 20 people! More than two out of three customers who’ve received poor service will never buy from that store again and, worse, management will never know why. Every company is bound to goof now and then, but from the customer’s perspective, what’s important is that the company responds. This is the secret of Nordstrom’s success. The TARP study also shows that 95 percent of dissatisfied customers will buy from the store again if their problems are solved quickly. Even better, they will each tell eight people about the situation’s happy conclusion. The trick for managers and salespeople is to give customers ample time to offer feedback on the service they receive. This chapter certainly isn’t about department stores and customer satisfaction, but there are some principles from these reports that should speak to us about our relationships with others: Are we quick to respond to others’ needs? Do we run from problems or face them? Do we talk more about bad news or good news?