0 Index Archetypal Family Exercise: Characterization of my Ego and Shadow Systemic Identity Matrix Exercise:“Self –focusing” from a Systemic Perspective Self-Constellation Exercise: The Field of Life through Family System 1 Archetypal Family You are born a unique day, in a specific place in a family, in a country, with some culture and natural condition and you are called by a specific name. You become part of the miracle of being born, thanks to the mystery of the union of a man and a woman- your parents. From this moment, and so on, starts a path where connection with others fashion the reality and a sense of uniqueness. A basic relationship between the person and the others is created and is surrounded by a specific field. Stephen Gilligan1 points out the notion of field in this relational space; i.e. “at the same time that a relationship coexists, there is a larger system that defines the quality of the attachment.” NLP establishes the notion of 4th position by eluding the “us” implicit in the interaction bonding the person and the others. This field holds up the attachment and assumed diverse emotional dynamics. As Gilligan2 says, a loving caring system or a fundamentalist aggressiveness that tends to exclude, cancel or deny some field of the relationship can hold it up: “The “break in relatedness” between self and other occurs via violence or neglect and requires violence (against self and /or others) or neglect to continue… Self – relations is grounded in the realization that violence, no matter how justified is seems to be, is the surest way to create more violence”. (Page 36) The attachment with the mother assumes a special condition. From the 6th month of gestation, cells mirrors mature - that neuronal area that tuned, excite and act that we associate. They are the base of empathy and are a way to create learning through the tune with one another. Being so small, the quality of the attachment, the emotional state of who exploits us and how she acts, leaves footprints. In the nineties, Bert Hellinger introduces the systemic emotional field from another perspective, giving emphasis to the family as a trans-generational energetic field. A family soul is generated by the connection between the "I" and the family system. As Hellinger declared, there is diverse emotional quality on these fields. These fields will include five family generations, which means 62 people, plus their partnership and kids. A field that includes hundreds of years, several issues and hold the life and the death as a force that impact in our behaviour. So, in this domain it is important to ask: 1 Walking in two worlds, S.Gilligan and D. Simon. Ed. Zeig. Tucker and Theisen, Inc, 2004. 2 The Courage to Love, S. Gilligan. Ed. W.W. Norton and Company, 1997 2 Who is part of our system? Grandparents, parents, uncles, siblings, spouse and children. Is there a first, second or perhaps third spouse / partner of any of them? Are there children of the same father or mother or of other partners? Family tree A field includes hundreds of years, several issues and hold the life and the death as a force that impact our behaviour. The significant developments in this field are related to traumatic events that somehow made their mark in the system. It's like when a stone is thrown into the pool; waves radiating in amplitude, so, a traumatic event in the history of a family can create generational waves impacting future offspring, activating some archetypical manifestations.3 From a systemic model level, what are highlighted are facts, not interpretations or meanings we associate with these facts. What matters are the facts and not the opinion or the rating that we have about them. 3 Carl Jung (1912) created the concept of archetype, as an inherited psychic structure, which gives the form and not the specific content of our inner experience. Are living psychic forces that take content through us and beyond our personal history, our belonging to a family, and beyond, are part of the heritage as a species, the collective unconscious. Archetypes create a bridge between personal and collective life and living through us all, transcending cultural boundaries, language and society. 3 For example: Divorces. Diseases. Migrations. Recursive patterns. Wars or acts of violence. Frauds. Early deaths. Participation in criminal acts of Mothers who died giving birth. violence/or death, either as victim Abortions. or perpetrator. Exclusions. Among others. These facts create waves, systemic implications in the family field, determining the most of the time unconsciously present and future effects of its members. Issues in the family histories create waves, systemic implications in the family field, determining that most of the time unconsciously present and future effects of its members. In Chile, for example, infant mortality rates in the last century were very high and the early death of parents, for pests and diseases such as tuberculosis, to which many people died suddenly. Location shared with other countries of South America. It is the experience associated with our grandparents and / or great-grandparents of the present moment. If Sweden's infant mortality rate for 1949 was 23.3, in Chile, there were 169.4 And today, this experience of grief still has impact on present generations. My mother lost 6 siblings, three of them in fifteen days. A fever came and they had little money. Everything happened very quickly. She was 7 years old, and she 4 Mortality rate, referred to in number of deaths in children under 1 year per 1000 live births in a given year. 4 and her sister have had depressions, consuming and demanding their children care and protection. Many times, I feel that I´m my mother's mother more than being her daughter. And now I realize trough the constellations that this issue is associated with my daughter´s anorexia. Each country has its own history. In Europe at that time was the impact of global and Spanish civil wars and revolution. In the Family Constellation work, is been revealed the impact of wars, which are unfortunately in the past several decades5. And in the above factors (Hellinger6, Gunthard Weber7, Svagito Liebermeister8 and others9). An understanding of dynamic of the family and the social context, where the person grows up and develops, expands the conscience in its collective aspect. Approach nowadays to layers of our existence, beyond our personal story, and with a meaningful impact in the behaviour and the quality of life. Perceptual system and creation of reality are delineated, while waves reach every single member of the system. Beyond the showed relationships in the family (what is seen), there is an unconscious dynamic of relationships, muddles and distortions in the identifications, invisible loyalties that run from the inner world stated in a family image, called unconscious family10. The person will exhibit certain patterns of abilities, beliefs and behaviours held by numerous emotional fields, according the attachment of all members and acknowledging certain principles of relation11. Settles beliefs, identity, strengthen, capabilities and behaviour patterns, some consciously and others unconscious, in the shadow. Through constellations, people become aware of unconscious dynamics of his/her family and how it affects their way of being and current living conditions, fostering a process of metamorphosis into a dynamic that promote love and peace. The constellations developments, as a phenomenological epistemology, revealed certain principles, in order to tune the field into peace, love and harmony –a good enough family, principles for expressing the soul and the potentialities among its members. Which 5 Farewell. Family Constellations with Descendants of Victims and Perpetrators. Bert Hellinger. Carl- Auer-Systeme Verlag, 2003; Después del conflicto, la paz. Bert Hellinger, Alma Lepik, 2005; Las lágrimas de los ancestros, Daan Van Kampenhout, Alma Lepik, 2007. 6 Ordenes del Amor. Bert Hellinger, Ed. Herder, 2001; La Punta del Ovillo, Bert Hellinger, Alma Lepik, 2005; Imágenes que Solucionan, Bert Hellinger y Tiiu Bolzmann, Alma Lepik, 2003. 7 Felicidad Dual. Gunthard Weber. Ed Herder.2004 8 The roots of Love. S.R. Liebermeister, Perfect Publishers Ltd. 2006. 9 Sin Raices no hay alas, Bertold Ulsamer, Ediciones Luciérnaga, 2009; Enfermedad que Sana, Dra. Ilse Kutschera y Chistine Schaffler, Alma Lepik, 2006; Si supieras cuanto los amo. Jirina Prekop y Bert Hellinger, Herder, 2004; Eres uno de nosotros, Mariana Franke-Grickch, Alma Lepik,2004; La sanación viene desde fuera, Daan Van Kampenhout, Alma Lepok, 2004; 10 Familia e Inconsciente, I. Berenstein y otros, Paidós, 1996. 11 Devenir Otro con Otros(s). Isidoro Berenstein, Paidós Psiclogía Profunda, 2008. 1 together creates the presence and type of family systemic consciousness that guide the behaviour of its members12. These principles are: The family recognizes everyone’s belonging Parents, progenies and grandparents, sometimes great-grandparents and siblings are part of the family field. Aunts and uncles, aborted children, all of them are part through the blood union. Out of the family relationship, there are former partners, and/or parent’s subsequent children. If migration occurs, both countries deserve a special place. For example, if your grandparents journeyed from Italy to Argentina, both nations acquire significance. Associations of victim-victimize also found a relation. If some relative killed another one, swindled or misused his or her influence on others, the victims are part of the family field. Clear cases are issues of wars. In the same way, if one ancestor was victim of the previously cases, the victimizer is a presence that must be counted and integrated in your system. Every member has a place. If your father was involved as missing arrested in dictatorships of South America, in the second half of the twentieth century, the presence of military forces that led these oppressive processes is part of the system. The perpetrator victim dynamics is a present energetic dynamic. They will always have a position even if they are excluded. In this case, a member of the following generations will be identified, integrating the one excluded. The exclusion is an illusion, because “the unconscious family” doesn’t allow it, forming disorders in the relationships and a mix of identifications to conserve the belonging. Systemic emotional field always looks for ways to build membership with all that are a part. There is a hierarchy in the family Within the family there is a hierarchy organized according to time. A man and a woman, the couple, constitute the family; they have a higher rank than the children, who came after. There is equality in the couple and hierarchy between parents and children. Each person has their own place, and insofar becomes entangled in some sort of disorder, will be bonded to weakening and tension. As you respect the order of the family soul, you will find peace, harmony and strength. Your peace is only possible if there is a deep respect for your mother and your father, taking your position of smallness and vulnerability. If prosecute, you avoid, reject, if you do not say ‘thanks’ you are questioning this principle. You become big in relation to them. There is no respect or gratitude and your vital energy is focused on him or her, like a child 12 Osho Therapy, compiled by Svagito Liebermeister, Perfect Publishers, Ltd, 2014. 2 who is still awaiting more. You do not let them. There is an attachment from an unmet need. The order is only possible with a deep reverence in front of the mother and father, placing you as the one receiving life with openness and gratitude. If the sun or daughter assumes a rejected attitude, your conscience keeps oriented to the past, like an orphan, abused or unsatisfied child still waiting for more, there is attachment into the field. If you say yes to them, without excluding anything, receiving everything, as original conditions in your life, in the miracle of being alive, you are completed and at the same time, able to separate and start the adventure of your own life and create with more freedom. From this perspective, there are two steps you must take to your growth: Lean to your parents, in gratitude honouring one's destiny and then, Get up and turn your own horizon. Despite everything that ever existed, parents are the key players in our existence, meanwhile, gave you life, the greatest gift a person can give to our existence. This stresses to see the parents beyond the historical contingencies, especially if there are frustrations and unmet expectations, to tune into the life that comes through them to you, as an individual. Receive Life saying YES, accepting life in gratitude. And take this reality as a starting point for your way of life, from the role of learner and co-creator of realities and new options. This view open new possibilities in my life, being son of my father who was involve in violence political issues make me divided; I was his son and at the same time I reject his values and behaviours. Being able to understand his behaviours in a big frame of a social system, allow settling a peaceful starting point of my own life. I am part of his lineage although I had my own path, based on my values. For women, implies align your female lineage, being small in this history of successive lives up to the mother, grandmother, great grandmother. And in the case of man, stand in relation to their male lineage and from there, take their own lives. His parents back with their history, and as a son feeling his presence and support, his view towards his existential horizon. Support this process will allow you put yourself in your place of origin of the family, aligned to the reality as it is: "You were tiny when they were born, and your parents were the big ones, they gave you life and you were receiving." And with that, the source of life that is associated with your existence in a genealogical tree in order, where life flows from generation to generation, looking ahead, not into or carrying the weight of the past. This is equivalent to say that in your back is the life force of your ancestors, flowing and supporting your life. 3 Receiving life from their own place as son/ daughter This is equivalent to say that in your back is the life force of your ancestors, flowing and supporting your life. There are many isssues that entangles this reality, creating others dynamics that keeps you away from your original state as a son or a daughter. Alejandra, rejects her father, she always saw her mother suffer for the fathers infidelities. She lives caring for mom and rejecting dad. Marcelo has ambivalent feelings with Mom. Since the divorce of his parents, he moves to another city, 4 hour flight from where Dad lived. The separation implied weakens its relationship with Dad and soon, sharing space with another family man, mum's new partner. Where are you? Entanglement Dynamics keep you away from your essential being as a daughter/ son, and you’re placed into some other place into the system, where it will not be able to create an autonomous way and detachment from origin. A sufficiently strong attachment means that parents can stand and maintain this status hierarchy, where they are bigger relative to their children, who give and do not demand. For a child to grow up safe, needs big parents, who hold the responsibility of the role. And as the experience of the child, parents experience is influenced by previous situations. 4 Maybe the story that I've heard that has impacted me most is this. In her widowhood, mother requires to her child to take care for her, as well as her father has cared for her all her life. The mothers history is associated with childhood experience of World War II, and an early migration to South America. She has strength, and demand. In technical terms, an abusive mother. He, the child as an adult, in love, postponed and postponed his departure and life partner. "Soon Mom will die and I will be free to walk my own path." A joke of fate settled in his life. His mother lived 100 years, so when he was free, there was not his lady love, or vitality to start its own way. 5