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Title: An essay on the government of children, under three general heads, viz. health, manners, and education Author: James Nelson Release Date: May 19, 2019 [EBook #59551] Language: English Character set encoding: UTF-8 *** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ESSAY ON GOVERNMENT OF CHILDREN *** Produced by Turgut Dincer and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This book was produced from images made available by the HathiTrust Digital Library.) AN ESSAY ON THE Government of Children, Under Three General Heads, VIZ. Health, Manners, and Education. By JAMES NELSON, Apothecary. The THIRD EDITION. Just as the Twig is bent, the Tree’s inclin’d. Pope. LONDON: Printed for R. and J. Dodsley, in Pall-mall; And Sold by J. Hinxman in Pater-noster-row. 1763. Decorative header TO THE RIGHT HONOURABLE THE Countess of —— MADAM, Happiness being the grand Object of human Pursuit, it may, I imagine, be modestly presumed, that every Attempt, however ineffectual, to render That universal, must be universally well received. And yet, conscious as I am that the following Essay aims solely at this Point, the Fear of it’s being too feeble to stand alone, makes me desirous of procuring it the additional Strength of your Ladyship’s Countenance and Protection. The Subject is undoubtedly of great Moment, namely, the proper Government of Children; which being ranged under the Heads of Health, Manners, and Education, affords not only the Opportunity of exposing many Errors, too generally adopted, but also of pointing out a more natural and rational Method of attaining the End proposed, than is usually pursued. And I cannot but think, that, if this Method were seriously attended to, the Happiness of all Mankind would be built on a more solid Basis, than it has in common hitherto been. Works of this Kind naturally calling on the Great and Good for Patronage; it cannot be thought strange that I aspire to the Honour of your Ladyship’s Protection is the Privilege of the Powerful: And therefore, where Power is happily joined with Goodness, the Recourse of the Weak to it’s beneficent Influence, is but a just Tribute of that Homage which is due to superior Merit: And such is the unfeigned Respect I mean to pay your Ladyship by this Address. I have yet another Motive for presuming to offer this Performance to your Ladyship; namely, the Hopes that it’s Use may, by this Means, be farther extended. The World, Madam, has it’s Eyes upon You: The many Excellencies of Mind and Heart so conspicuous in Yourself; and the uncommon Lustre of every eminent Virtue in the noble Lord, with whom you have wisely chosen to share the Dignity and Duties of the Matrimonial and Parental State, have justly gained you, not only general Admiration, but general Esteem. When the World shall behold you declining many of it’s Allurements, to yield to the stronger Attraction of Parental Affection; when it shall see you often decline the Assemblies of the Great, and retreat from the Splendor of a Court, to take upon you the Office of a tender Mother, by cherishing, watching over, and instructing your Offspring; when the World, I say, shall behold you employed in Actions like these, it will not only be charmed with the pleasing Task you have undertaken, but be powerfully animated to pursue the same Measures; which alone can procure that solid Happiness all seek, or seem to seek, yet so few find. That nothing may ever interrupt your present Felicity; but that it may be augmented to the most exalted Degree, by the additional Blessing of wise and virtuous Children, is the sincere and fervent Wish of, Madam, Your Ladyship’s most obliged, and most obedient humble Servant, James Nelson. Red-lion-street, Holborn, Dec. 1, 1755. Decorative header ADVERTISEMENT. The important Business of the Management of Children, thro’ every Stage of our Dominion over them, has led many Writers to handle the Subject: but on this, as on other Occasions, each has had some particular Point in View; and each has directed his Steps to that End. One has considered only the State of Infancy, and, with an Eye to their Health chiefly, laboured to point out the Means of preserving it: another has passed over that State, as if of no Consequence; and, while nobly aiming at regulating the Passions, has inadvertently suffered them to be too deeply rooted from an Inattention to their first Appearance: a third has made it his principal Business to conduct their Education; and has either omitted altogether the forming their Manners, or has supposed, what is very far from being generally true, that the one is a necessary Consequence of the other; or in other Words, that good Education will always produce good Manners. Others have confined themselves to one Species of Education; or, if they aimed at a perfect Piece, it was for an Individual only, or at most, for one Class of a whole Kingdom. Yet, of the many excellent Performances on these Heads, no one, that can here be recollected, has either been extended to general Life, or has comprehended the Whole of a Parent’s Care for their Offspring. In one we see delineated the Education of a Prince; in another, of an able Statesman; in a third, of a great Commander; and so on: but these are too narrow to instruct the Whole, and too confined to become general Rules. They resemble, if the Comparison may be allowed, some great Masters in Painting; one is happy in hitting the Likeness; another gives an [iii] [iv] [v] exquisite Softness and Ease to the Fall of the Arms; a third has a peculiar Grace in his Attitudes; yet all, perhaps, are obliged to a fourth for the Delicacy of the Drapery: while he too, who excels in this, is unable to reach any Degree of Perfection in the rest. But here the Reader is presented with a more extensive Plan on the Government of Children; a Plan adapted to general Use; calculated for familiar Life: and which, without a Thought of Arrogance, or once supposing it perfect, aims at the Good of all. The first Part treats of the general Means of preserving Health; in which every one is equally concerned. The next relates to forming the Mind; that is, shews the Use of Manners, and points out the most rational Method of acquiring them: to the End, not only that good Habits may be obtained, but that Reason may always have the Ascendant of the Passions. The last Part treats of Education; which, tho’ here it makes a distinct Head from Manners, yet are they to be considered as very strictly connected; because the more exalted the one is, the mere conspicuous should the other be. As in every State or Kingdom there are many Degrees of Rank and Fortune; so great Pains have been taken to consider the Propriety of Education; and to point out a judicious Degree of it for each Individual. Thus it is to be observed, that the Piece here presented is not designed to direct the Fathers, and exclude the Mothers; to govern the Boys, and neglect the Girls; nor to address the Great, and disregard the Little; by no Means: it aspires at offering Advice to all; and, with equal Zeal, aims at giving Aid to Parents of every Rank, Sex and Degree. It regards the Care of Children as long as the Dominion of Parents may be said to last; and neither neglects the Infant of a Day, nor gives up unconcernedly, a Youth of either Sex, at twenty Years old. The Point most laboured at is indeed that of Manners; not only because they are of the utmost Consequence in themselves, and furnish the surest Means of being happy, and excelling in Life, but because the present too general Depravity of them stands publicly confessed. Should it be urged, that as a great deal has already been wrote on the same Topics, and in a masterly Manner too, all farther Attempts of the like Nature seem needless; it may be answered, (besides what has already been observed) that so fertile a Subject cannot easily be exhausted; and being Points of the most weighty Concern, they will undoubtedly always furnish thinking Men with Matter to expatiate on. The Thoughts here given are the Result of Reason, Observation and Experience; and should it be said that they are not new, still it is hoped they have a Claim to some Degree of Regard, as there is always both Use and Entertainment in displaying even the same Sentiments in a different Manner. Decorative header INTRODUCTION. Nothing is more evident, than that a Love of our Children is a great ruling Principle in human Nature; and that it makes a large Part of that Self-love which sticks so closely to us. For them we aim at Wealth, Power, and Dignity; for them our Views are endless, our Desires boundless. Nor do we stop here; for, eager as we are in pursuing the real or seeming Good of our Children, we extend our Views still farther, even to their Children. And it is certain, that Mankind in general do not think the great Business of Life compleat, unless they live (as it is usually termed) to see their Children settled, and in a Way of contributing to the great Family of the World. But were none to engage in a State of Wedlock in order to become Parents, till their Abilities to train up their little Offspring were try’d and approv’d, I am of Opinion the Number of Marriage Licences would be greatly abridg’d. Many run precipitately into this important State, without any Fore-thought at all; but even among the wary, the discreet, and the wise, how very few are there who reflect on the Duty of first acquiring such a Degree of Knowledge as may serve to make their Children happy in them, and themselves happy in their Children? It is this general Defect in human Life, which has induced me to offer my own Thoughts on the Government of Children; and my Aim herein is, to point out the Errors committed in this important Work, and propose some Means of preventing them for the future. A learned Writer on the Art of Medicine[1] says, that he who advances the Knowledge of it, tho’ but a Step, deserves the Thanks of the whole Species; if then I am but happy enough to give one useful Hint, one helping Hand for the Public Good, I shall esteem my Labours abundantly rewarded. But before I go any farther, let me be understood: I am not giving Laws, but Counsel. The Experience I have gained in the tutoring seven Children of my own, joined to the Observations I have made on the Management of others of every Age and Degree, seem to give me some Title to hope my Thoughts may prove useful; if so, my End is answered. Mr. Pope, in his moral Essays, tells us, that all Happiness lies in three Words; Health, Peace, and Competence. May we not then hope, that an Endeavour to point out the Way to Health, Manners, and Education, will help us in the Pursuit of this great Object? For these rightly understood and well conducted, Peace and Competence will seldom fail to follow. Manners however is the grand Point I aim at; every thing else is secondary to that. Health, it may not be in our Power to secure; and School Education, all cannot reach to in any considerable Degree. The Government of our Children is indeed an universal Obligation; but all Men are not therefore obliged to be Physicians or Pedagogues. Still, as neither Health nor liberal Instruction, where proper, are to be neglected, I shall in their due Place speak of both, so far as seems necessary for every Parent to know. By Manners I do not mean that external Shew of good Breeding, which consists only in a Bow, or Curtsy, or other personal Carriage, tho’ this too is of Importance; but I mean, such a uniform Deportment, such a ready engaging Behaviour, and such a Propensity to do what is right, as testify a happy Disposition of the Mind and Heart; and appear, what they really are, the Fruits [v] [vi] [vii] [viii] [9] [10] [11] [12] of good Habits, either natural, or acquired, or both. The grand Source of the too general Defect, we cannot but observe and lament in the Manners of Children, is partly in themselves, but chiefly in their Parents. In themselves it arises from a natural Love of Ease and Liberty; in Parents, from a supine Neglect of that necessary Knowledge already hinted at: in short, from want of reflecting why they are Parents, and what is incumbent on them to do, in order to make their Children happy in themselves, and useful to Society. But how shall I be sheltered from the Imputation of Vanity? I am well aware how liable a Man is to be censured, for attempting to point out to others, what every one supposes himself to be already acquainted with: and where are the Parents who once suspect, that they are so little acquainted with the Duties of their State, as to be themselves the Causes of their Children’s Misconduct? That there are many whose Ability in this important Work is far superior to any thing I can pretend to, I am convinc’d; many who are happily endowed with a competent Penetration and Skill to manage the Temper, Genius, and Passions of Children, and who are equally assiduous in the Exercise of those Gifts for the Benefit of the rising Generation: neither is it for these I write; rather do I wish to receive their Instructions myself. But, that the Bulk of Mankind are wholly thoughtless of, or unacquainted with, the proper Methods of managing Children, is, I think, very evident. In proof of which I appeal to every one’s own Observation. Let the Generality of People look round them, and reflect how they find the Majority of Children of every Rank among their Acquaintance. Are they innocent, tractable, orderly, and courteous? Are they tolerably instructed in the Knowledge necessary for their Age and Station? Or are they not rather corrupt and untoward? Are they not rather unruly to a Degree of Pity? Incorrigibly rude, or tolerably civil only by Starts; grossly ignorant in many Things they ought to have been taught, and but too knowing in others it were perhaps better they never knew at all? If they really find this to be true in the Children of others, let them turn their Eyes homewards, and impartially canvas their own Children’s Deportment; and if upon discovering any of the like Deformities, they can resolve to be just to themselves, I am confident they will to their great Surprize awaken to the Consciousness of one Truth, which perhaps they hitherto never so much as suspected; namely, that what they have the most Reason to be displeased with in the Conduct their Offspring, is chiefly owing to their own want of Skill, or want of Thought, in the Management of those tender Plants. As Men are sometimes seen to forget the Husband and act the Sovereign only, so are they apt to think themselves supreme and independent in the Power they have over their Children. But can we, upon Reflection, take it to be the Intention of Nature, that Children be govern’d by Fathers alone, while they are in Possession of the Blessing of having Mothers to share a Part in that Government? Or can we consider paternal Sway as an arbitrary Power, absolutely presiding over, and giving Laws to Children without any Controul? No. Lest Fathers thus impower’d should invert the Intention of the Creation by becoming Tyrants, the providential Laws of Nature have wisely assigned a joint Portion of Power to the Mothers; that the Father’s Authority and the Mother’s Sweetness being seasonably and discreetly blended, both might equally contribute to one and the same great End, the future Welfare of their Offspring: where the Roughness of the one serving as a Spur to egg them on to the Pursuit of Happiness from a Principle of Awe, the Smoothness of the other may sooth them forward, from Motives of Affection; or, in a Word, that the Sternness of the Father may serve as a Quickener to maternal Endearments, and the Mildness of the Mother sweeten and render palatable the more bitter Draughts of paternal Harshness. It is no small Difficulty to fix the Time in which Parents should take the Reins of Government into their Hands; but if it be considered that we are by the Perverseness of our Nature prone to err, I think they cannot begin too soon; in short, they should begin as soon as they become Parents, that is, as soon as their Children have a Being. This will appear to be strange Doctrine to those who have not reflected how very early Children shew themselves. The Source of many of our Errors with Regard to the Government of Children, seems owing to a mistaken Notion of their Incapacity; whereas in Reality they have some Reason much earlier than is commonly imagined; but till that dawns out, the Passions alone are their Guides. Now if the Passions are suffered to gather Strength, by cherishing and indulging them, (which is too commonly the Case) and Reason remains feeble for want of being exercis’d, the natural Consequence must be, that Children will grow obstinate, perverse, and ungovernable in their Passions, before Reason is called forth to their Assistance; and it will often prove a very unsuccessful Talk to hinder them when grown up, from being Slaves to themselves, and Plagues to all about them. Parents then, to obviate these Evils, have two principal Points to aim at, for their own and Children’s Happiness; and indeed for the Happiness of all Posterity; viz. weakening their Passions, and strengthening their Reason. And that this is greatly in their Power to effect, is an undoubted Truth, tho’ it may often prove an arduous Task to reduce to practice. Still it may, and ought to be aim’d at; and, if I may be allowed to speak my Sentiments, I think I may confidently assert, that all social Virtues, and the genuine Happiness which they are productive of, will insensibly flow from a constant due Exercise of that Dominion over our Children, which all Laws divine and human have entrusted to us. ’Tis wonderful to observe how very early a Wilfulness is discernable in Children; and with what swift Progress it gathers Strength, if not immediately and carefully check’d. I have seen a Child not above six Months old, obstinately contending for a certain Position to be suckled in, and the tender (simply tender) Mother painfully distorting her Limbs, and straining her whole Frame, in Compliance to it, or it would not suck at all: and I have seen too a Child, before one Year of Life was compleated, so fantastically, and yet so obstinately humoursome, that all that could be devis’d to give it, was not sufficient to gratify it: it would roar for the first Thing it saw, then throw it away and fight for another, and so on without Measure; and this at the Expence not merely of Baubles, but of Glasses, China, and other valuable Things; and often at the still greater Expence of the Mother’s Peace and Rest. The next Advance is to the Use of Speech; and this Faculty is no sooner acquired, but immediately follows the Abuse of it. Many Children, indeed, are slow and backward in the Acquisition of it, but few are those who are not too forward in misapplying this noble Gift. Let a Child of three Years old, who has been much indulged, be bid to do any thing, and how ready is it to answer, I won’t! And if forbid a thing, how pert to say, I will! Yet let the fondling Parent ask it ever so plain and easy a Question, it is a thousand to one, if a Word of Answer be obtained: the cunning, obstinate Urchin is instantly dumb, and nothing shall restore it to the Use of its Tongue, but the Gratification of its Humour with a Cake or a Play-thing. Thus are they generally suffered to run on to near the Age of Seven, with little or no Variation, except that of their Appetites gaining head of their Reason, and multiplying in proportion to the Objects which excite them. And as during that Term of Life which we distinguish by the Name of Childhood, Parents look upon the infant Reason of their Children, as incapable of [13] [14] [15] [16] [17] [18] producing Fruits, they are but too apt to leave that uncultivated, and to overlook, with an injudicious Contempt, their early Deviations from it. But surely it were injuring human Understanding, to agree with such Parents, in an Opinion which condemns itself; and which they themselves are universally the first to contradict. For let the Topic of Children be but broach’d to any of them, and what Encomiums are we not sure to be tir’d with upon their own! What Enlargements on their Comprehension, their Judgment, their Wit, and the surprizing Products of all these, in the many excellent things they say and do! In the mean time not a single Step is taken to improve all these boasted Talents, nor to check the growing Humours which threaten them with Destruction; and may, if neglected, grow into Habits more difficult to eradicate than an hereditary Disease. Left this should affect but little those Parents, who are more solicitous that their Children should be fair in Face, and strong in Body, than beauteous in Mind, and pure of Heart, let me convince even these, that it is dangerous too to the bodily Welfare of Children, to neglect cultivating their Reason from their earliest Infancy; or to be careless of eradicating their little Humours, as soon as discover’d. And to this end they need only view the Majority of them on a sick Bed; where they will see this melancholy Truth (for such indeed we may call it) in its full Light. Diseases are one Part of the Portion of human Nature, in a State of Mortality: no Stage of our Existence is exempt from them, and Childhood as little as any. Let then an unmanag’d, humour’d, pamper’d Child be sick; and besides the Abundance of otherwise unnecessary Trouble and Affliction it brings on the Parents and the whole Family, what Danger is not the Child itself exposed to, beyond what the Disease brings with it! All wise Men agree, that Providence has furnished the World with Remedies for most human Diseases, at least in their first Stages, and Men with Knowledge to apply them. When skilful People are consulted in Time, the Medicines good, duly prepared and given, the Nurse attentive, and the Patient tractable, there is but little to be apprehended from the first Stage of any Disease which is not mortal of itself, where the Habit of Body is otherwise sound; barring such Accidents as cannot be foreseen, nor consequently obviated. But what can Physicians, Medicines, Nurses, all avail, in the Disease (otherwise ever so curable) of an untoward Creature, against whom perhaps there are great Odds that it shall not be conquered to swallow the least Portion of the most absolutely necessary Remedy; nor to submit in Sickness to the least Controul; indulged, perhaps, as it has been, in a Habit of slighting and baffling all Authority while in Health? Just nothing. No; the Trouble indeed of attending it, is doubled and trebled to those who are constantly about it; the Expence is at least the same, if not considerably augmented; and the Confusion, Affliction, and Alarms of the Parents, at the growing Danger of their spoil’d Darling, immoderately encreas’d, on finding all Remedies rendered ineffectual to it, by an Obstinacy which they (whether conscious of it or not) have heretofore been the foolish Encouragers of. In the mean time, the Disease gathers Strength, and the Child’s Wilfulness with it; and the little ungovernable Patient falls an untimely Victim to the former Mismanagement of the mistakenly fond Parents, and its own present Unruliness. To see a fond Father, in Spite of the Impotence of Tears, so general to his Sex, weeping over his Child, his Heir, his only Hope of Joy, and vainly entreating him, whom he might command, to take an easy Remedy! To behold a tender Mother, herself half spent with Grief and Fears, prostrate at her sick Favourite’s Pillow, expostulating with all the Eloquence of maternal Anxiety, and entreating, praying, coaxing it to swallow a necessary Medicine, but still in vain! To view the Parents at such a Juncture, inwardly divided, torn, and almost consumed, between the alternate Motions of Tenderness, Impatience, Love, and Anger, fruitlessly insist, where a Habit of Subjection should have already made a Word or a Look sufficient; and yet to find the humour’d Thing as resolutely bent on refusing, merely, perhaps, because so much entreated! To eye all this, I say, were surely sufficient to convince us, that it is a strange Inversion of the natural Order of Things; and has a something in it extremely absurd: and the more so, when we reflect, that the whole is an Effect of Folly in the Parents, and chiefly owing to their former Neglect of exerting a little prudential Authority. If this be too frequent a Case, as the Experience of many People must convince them it is, let Parents in general remember, that their watchful Industry to conquer and regulate the little growing Passions and Humours of their tender Offspring, is as necessary towards the Preservation of their Bodies, as for the Culture of their Minds. That this Difficulty of conquering Children, and rendering them tractable while sick, is no Exaggeration, I might appeal to the Consciousness of most Parents throughout the Kingdom; nay, I could support the Charge by many Instances within my own Knowledge; but shall content myself with producing a very few from the Relation of others. A Friend of mine, who had the Care of a young Gentleman, lately received a Letter from his Boarding School, with this Information; “Master has been much out of order, and what is worse, was out of the Reach of the Means of being easily made better. He had indeed three Doses of Physic prescrib’d him, but could not be prevailed on to swallow one; in short, they were all spilt on the Sheets, for not a Drop went down his Throat.” A little Miss not yet able to speak plain (as I was informed by a Person present) had a Medicine to take which she obstinately refus’d; Mamma interferes, and after many fruitless Entreaties gently corrects her; Miss still persists in the Refusal, and is chastised with additional Severity, even to the sixth time; at length, half breathless with crying, and ready in appearance to burst with Passion, she has still her Spirit so little conquered as to say in her imperfect Gibberish, “Well, if you till me, I won’t take it.” So Mamma overcome, lays down the Rod; and obstinate Miss coming off with the Victory, shewed she had more Courage to receive Correction, than the Mother Resolution to bestow it. The Truth was, that Mamma had never had a Dispute with the Child, in which she had not the Weakness to suffer it to get the better of her. A Lady of Rank I have the Honour to be acquainted with, and who I’m sure in other Respects has good Understanding, forfeited it greatly on a like Occasion. She told me her Daughter, when in the Country, having a Fever, all usual Means were try’d to prevail on her to take the necessary Remedies, but in vain! So far from being mov’d to Compliance, she was thrown into such vehement Fits of crying, whenever they were offered to her, that it was apprehended her Fever would encrease, and endanger her Life: ’till at length by good Fortune the Lady reflecting she had a Kitten which Miss was extravagantly fond of, she resolved to try an Experiment. Accordingly, as often as any thing was to be taken by Miss, Mamma holding Puss in her Hands, protested it should be thrown out of the Window and killed, if she did not take what was given her; and by this Stratagem brought the Child to a Compliance, which nothing else could effect. I own the Expedient was ingenious, and the Lady gave a Proof of her great Presence of Mind in turning to the Child’s Advantage an innocent Foible she had been indulg’d in. But surely at the same time she betrayed how much she had before forfeited her Understanding as well as the true Tenderness of the Parent, by the little Care she had taken to inculcate and enforce such Principles of Obedience and Gratitude, as should have taught her on the like Occasions to do at least as much out of Love and Duty to a fond Parent, as she did out of childish Attachment to a Kitten. Now however lightly People may think of these Things, who are not immediately concerned, they must and will be acknowledged great Afflictions to all [19] [20] [21] [22] [23] [24] [25] Parents who love their Children, and see them in such Circumstances. ’Tis certain that Children may have Disorders which are not of a dangerous Nature, and may therefore be got through without a nice Observance of Rule; but then it is equally certain, that they have oftentimes very dangerous ones, which necessarily require both Medicines and Rule. And very eminent Physicians have declared it as their Opinion, that many of these tender Lives have been lost, purely for want of Submission to the Medicines and Rules prescribed them. Who then can look back on the Causes of a Loss so detrimental to Society, and not be offended at the general Neglect of Parents to remove them? Nor can one, reasonably speaking, be less offended and concerned at the universal Custom among Parents of remedying on such Occasions their former Neglects, by present Falsehoods: that is, I mean, by attempting to impose on their Children’s Senses and Understandings by manifest Untruths. When a Child is to take a Medicine, is it not ridiculous to call a bitter Draught sour, or a sour one sweet? Is it less absurd to insist on a nauseous thing’s being pleasant, than it is to shew them what is black, and endeavour to persuade them it is white? And yet this is the Method commonly made use of with Children, to beguile down their Medicines. It is true it may furnish People with an easy Pretext to expatiate on their Children’s Capacity; but I am sure it adds no Honour to their own. They may tell their Apothecary how much Pains they took to cheat the Child, but the little Rogue was so cunning it would not be cheated! They may display his Genius by telling how they called it Wine, and gave it in the dark; or said it was Tea, and put it into his own Cup; still nothing could deceive him: Oh! it is a sensible little Creature! But what all this while is become of the Sense of the Parents? For after all this Address, this mighty Juggle, it must still perhaps be owned, that the Child does not take the Dose: or if it should, with a Superiority of Sense, it justly reproaches the Parents with having told it a Falsehood. “You said it was good, but I find it is nasty Stuff, and I’ll take no more of it.” And too generally do they keep their Word. Can Parents so palpably mislead their Children, and not be sensible of their Mistake? Or can they be sensible of it, and not blush at their own Folly? Thus far we have considered the Untowardness of Children, with some of its Consequences, in that Stage of Life we usually call their Childhood; that is, to seven Years old; for according to the Custom of familiar Life, every Septenary is reckoned a Stage; tho’ Physical Writers divide Life otherwise. With them there are eight Stages. From the Birth to three Years old, is one; viz. the Infancy; from three to ten another; and so on to Decrepidity. But as this Treatise attempts to reach no farther than the Dominion of Parents generally extends, that is, till they become Men and Women; it will not be consistent with my Design, to carry on either Observation or Precept beyond the third Stage of Life. Let us therefore proceed to take some Observation of them in the second Septenary; when on all Hands it is agreed their Understandings are open, and capable of receiving more important Impressions. Now if we view the Generality of Children from seven to fourteen, I am afraid we shall be obliged to confess, that however far they advance in what is commonly called Learning, they gain but very little in the Science of Manners. In William of Wickham’s famous School at Winchester there is this Motto, Manners maketh Man: Whereby we are reminded, that all Learning which does not improve our Manners, is vain and unprofitable; the Perfection of Manners being the End, which Learning is only design’d as a Means to conduct us to. Yet so it happens, that Parents are frequently misled by confounding Names, by taking one thing for another, and concluding their Children have Manners because they have Learning. Whereas in reality, a Child may, from want of proper Care, have a great deal of Learning, and no Manners at all: or, on the other hand, by timely and proper Tuition, advance greatly in the Improvement of genuine Manners, with little or no School Learning: which is all that is generally understood by the Word Learning, with regard to Children in the second Septenary. When a Man becomes Father of a Family, he usually applies the Boys, as soon as he deems them of an Age for it, to School Learning; different according to the Rank he bears in Life: while the Girls, by a shameful Indolence or Contempt, are often neglected in this Particular, and suffered to become alternate Plagues and Play-things at home: at least with strictest Truth we may say, too little Care is taken to form either the Mind or Heart of these to any great Advantage. The Boys, if dull, return Blockheads, and so remain; if smart, grow boisterous, audacious, conceited, and ungovernable; tyrannical to their Sisters; disobedient to their Mother; and scarce are awed by their Father’s severer Brow. The Girls remain uncultivated in almost every thing but Vanity and a Love of fine Cloaths. Indeed they can work a little, (and perhaps but little) or they can dance, and so they ought; but shall scarcely be able to spell a Word right beyond a Monosyllable; or write the Direction on a Letter with any Propriety. Is it an Exaggeration to say this is the usual Education till fourteen? Surely Experience convinces us it is not; and tho’ some Exceptions may doubtless be found, yet they are few in Comparison with the whole. Now let me ask the Parents of such Children, what real Comfort do they find in them? Do they not often with Sorrow, nay almost with bleeding Hearts, see them running counter to their Expectations and Wishes? Do they not daily see, and must they not therefore daily lament (unless they are self-blind) that all their other Profusion of Kindness so lavishly poured on their Children, yields neither Profit to them, nor Comfort to themselves? And whence the Cause of all this Disappointment? Alas! ’tis too visible, too apparent! It arises from a Neglect, or at least an Abuse of that early Authority they ought to exercise over them: from a Neglect, in not correcting in time their Irregularities and Humours; from an Abuse, in correcting them without Judgment and Discretion. Nor does this happen to People in inferior Stations only; no, ’tis every Day to be met with, not merely from the Peasant to the Tradesman, but from the Tradesman to the Nobleman; and even among those of the finest Understanding. But whence the Cause of this strange Misconduct and Omission? It springs, as I take it, from Ignorance, or Inconsiderateness, or Partiality, or Passion, or from all together; but the most frequently of any, from false Tenderness, and blind Indulgence. Every Man has his own way of judging, and generally abides by it right or wrong. I knew a Gentleman of refined Understanding, who frequently forfeited it, by a boundless injudicious Fondness for his Children. He would say to his little Boy at Table, Well, my Dear, what shall I help you to? The Child, accustomed to have his own Will, unskilled to make a proper Choice, and following the Gratification of his depraved Palate, was sure to choose the most unfit Dish, by choosing the richest, because the most savory. The Father indeed would fain set him right, by recommending some simpler Food; No, my Dear, he’d say, have some Mutton, Mutton is best for you; and so of any other plain wholsome Dish; but this Advice proves too late, after having set him wrong; nor would he eat a Morsel of any thing but what he himself approved of. The same Gentleman, as a Proof of his Sense, took abundance of Pains to inculcate strict Notions of Honour to his Children, tho’ he often degraded that Sense in the Application of them. One Day, at the beginning of the Week, he says to his Son, My Dear, I know you are a Man of Honour, and what you once promise you’ll punctually perform; you are one Day this Week to take Physic; tell me then, what [26] [27] [28] [29] [30] [31] [32] Day will you fix on? The Boy pauses a little, and replies, Saturday, Sir. Oh! fye my Dear, says the Father, why stay ’till Saturday? why not take it to-morrow, or next Day? No Sir, replies the Boy, with an unbecoming Pertness, I’m upon Honour; the Choice of the Day was left to me, and I’ll not take it before. What an amazing Inversion of Ideas! Honour with Disobedience! Who in this Case could be said to hold the Reins of Government, the Parent or the Child? Thus too does many an affectionate and even sensible Mother both see and feel in a Daughter, whom Nature perhaps has endowed with all that might make her sweet and amiable, an Untractableness she knows not how to account for. But tho’ it is her own Mismanagement, or rather no Management at all, which makes the Girl’s Desires irregular and inordinate, still the fond Parent remains blind to the Cause. If Miss knows Mamma is to go out without her, she’ll eat no Dinner; if the Dress of the Day is not to her Fancy, she is sure to remain sullen ’till Night; and if an accidental Difference is made to a Sister, or any other of her own Age, she shall redden, and swell, and pout, and fret, ’till she has fretted her Mamma sick, to see her untoward Behaviour; and possibly fretted herself sick too. ’Tis easy to discern the Principles she acts upon; they are Self-will, Vanity, and the Love of Pleasure, which she has been used to be indulged in. No wonder then, that when these are not gratified she is miserable; and while they are, is it likely that she can long be happy? There ought to be made a considerable Difference between the Children of inferior People, and those of Rank, with regard to their Tuition; nothing is more reasonable; since the latter have innumerable Advantages over, and are to move in a very different Sphere from the former. Still the Mistakes in all are too often essentially the same; and only conceal’d or varnish’d over by the external Education. Now, what I contend for is, that Parents of all Ranks have the Power, and are equally bound in Duty, to be themselves the Teachers of their Children, with regard to that Self-Knowledge, and the genuine Docility arising from it, which are necessary to conduct them thro’ Life with Ease and Benefit to themselves, with Honour and Pleasure to their Parents, and with universal Advantage to Society in general. I say again, that all Parents have the Power of answering this Obligation in great measure; but those of Rank, Fortune, and Education, have it in an eminent Degree; and are therefore utterly inexcusable, when they give into that gross Neglect of it; which we daily see, even in the second and more improveable Stage of human Life. Tho’ it is allow’d by all, that Children, long before they attain the Age of fourteen, are in general capable of receiving very advantageous Impressions, and are full as susceptible of the reverse; yet ’tis pretty evident, that much the Majority to that Period, gain few or no good ones; and I wish it were not as evident, that their principal Stock are of the bad Kind. But let us proceed to consider them in the third Septenary, which brings them to the Age of twenty-one; the Period which generally closes our Obligations to them; shuts out in great measure our Power over them; and sets them loose on the great Stage of the World, every one to act their Part just as we have taught them. If well, great is our Honour, great must be our Comfort; and great and lasting is their Happiness likely to prove, to themselves, and to Posterity. If ill, no matter what their Station is, they disgrace it; and the Disgrace with double Force is reflected back on ourselves. ’Tis a well-known Maxim, that the first Impressions strike the deepest. Thus, a Boy, who before fourteen has never been convinced that it was necessary for him to obey, will afterwards laugh at it as ridiculous; and if his first Lessons were Pride and Pleasure, the only Use he will make of his Understanding when more at large, will be to study to continue in the Pursuit and Augmentation of those his favourite Objects. Whether we consider the Heir of a Family at the University, or his younger Brother in a Merchant’s Compting-house; whether we consider a young Stripling destin’d to the Law, to Physic, or view him behind a Counter; we cannot make a true Use of our Eyes, without seeing innumerable Disorders during this third Stage of Life. For tho’ heretofore he has been treated as a Child or School-boy, he will now pretend to judge for himself; and as his Reason is weak, and his Passions strong, that will slavishly run in pursuit of every thing which will promote the Gratification of these. I have already observed, that the only Use he will make of his Understanding, will be to abuse it. For Example, he wants fine Cloaths, such, perhaps, as are very unbecoming his Station; he wants two or three Suits, where one ought to serve; he wants an encrease of Pocket-money, far beyond a reasonable Allowance, and often beyond what his Father can afford; or finally, he has some more vicious End in view. Now without once employing his Reason, or reflecting how much he has abused the Indulgence of his Parents, his Passions urge him on to effect whatever they suggest. To gain his Point then, with Address and Cunning he applies to his Mother; whose blind Fondness for her Boy, will not let the Father rest, till his prodigal Humour is gratify’d. The Father, as a good one, shall argue the Case. “What, my Dear, can I do with this extravagant Boy? I have spar’d no Pains nor Expence in his Education, because on that I grounded all my Hopes of his future good Conduct and Prosperity; he don’t want Sense, and has improv’d pretty well in his Learning: if not quite so well as perhaps he might have done with a little more Application, yet allowing for the natural Thoughtlessness of his Age, at least well enough to know how to act better. Still I see little Prospect of Comfort from him; because I see no Dispositions in him but to Idleness, Folly and Extravagance. In short, if he goes on thus, what better can I expect than to see him daily plunge deeper and deeper into Extravagance and Vice: and what must the Consequence be but irrecoverable Destruction? Shall I then by continuing to humour him hurry on his Ruin, perhaps in my own and yours?” But the fond Mother still persuading him that every present Folly is to be the last, urges her Suit; and enforcing all that Influence which in an amiable Woman seldom fails to succeed with an indulgent Husband and doating Father, is almost always sure to carry her Point. Is not this the Situation of many a Parent? Is not this the reigning Practice of many a Son? Of too many indeed!—The Father here describ’d is such a one as most Men will acknowledge to be a tender one; and some will be apt to think a discreet one; in allowing for the Inconsiderateness of his Age, weighing like a prudent Man his real Good, and generously resolving to furnish him with every reasonable Means of being wise and happy: still is he disappointed; and still are his Expectations frustrated. But need we ask the Cause? Surely it is too plain. More Pains have been taken to pamper and humour him, than to make it unnecessary to do either: more Time and Care have been employ’d to furnish his Head, with perhaps merely ornamental Knowledge, than to correct and enrich his Heart with such Sentiments as might improve his Manners. Can we then wonder that he precipitates into Ruin? No surely; we may rather wonder if he escapes it. But admitting that Fortune still favours him, and that he keeps up his Dignity and Reputation; how does he possess his own Mind, as a rational Creature, or a Brute? Does he act so as to deserve the Esteem of Mankind? If not, Life is not worth enjoying. Let us now view the fairer part of our Species; those tender Branches our Daughters. They (thank Heaven) are not naturally so liable to Vices and Extravagancies as our Sons; but I wish I could say they were all as good as they are capable of being made; as amiable in their interior Sentiments, as their Forms might make us hope to see them. But alas! too often those choicest [33] [34] [35] [36] [37] [38] [39] Charms of our Eyes are the chief Plagues of our Hearts; and it is we ourselves are the principal Causes, that they whom Nature seem’d to have form’d to be our principal Comforts, should thro’ our Mismanagement become the Disturbers of the Peace of us their Parents, and of their own Happiness. A Girl enter’d into the third Septenary passes soon into a Woman; but commonly speaking she is much sooner such in her Person and Appetites than in her Understanding: whence arise many of those glaring Mistakes they daily commit. A Girl who is tall generally conceits she is wise; and because ’till now she has liv’d without controul, she thinks Subjection and Obedience to her Parents, mean and slavish. It would be a Reflection on young Ladies to say they have no Manners, but still it is too generally true that their Manners are false ones; springing from Pride, and influenc’d by it. A Girl (of any Figure in Life) soon knows that the World has it’s Eyes upon her; and as there are certain Motives which induce her to exert all her Skill to seem well bred, so there are certain Times she really appears to advantage: but let the Mask be thrown off; let the Restraint be taken away by which she is confin’d; and we shall soon see where her Manners lye: we shall (I am afraid) oftentimes discover that they are not the Dictates of a well-regulated Heart. But as my Tenderness for the Sex will not suffer me designedly to misrepresent things, let us examine fairly the Conduct of a young Lady according to the too general Mode of breeding. It appears already that the first Stage of Life was wholly spent in gratifying her Humour; the second was employ’d in a superficial Education, resembling in some measure a Building ornamented without, but ill contriv’d and useless within. Self-will, Vanity and Pleasure have hitherto been her Guides; and these instead of being check’d, are in the third Stage, greatly strengthen’d and augmented: and have besides added to them a boundless Love of Power and Uncontroul. Now from such a Source what Virtues can we expect to flow? What Miseries may we not fear? Alas! too soon are we convinc’d that her whole Soul is absorb’d in Pleasures; her Head runs round with them; she is continually contriving, plotting, scheming; and all Opposition of her Parents becomes too weak: she has not, perhaps, a Spark of real Duty, nor the least Sense of her misguided Steps: and happy is it for her if her mistaken Conduct does not in the End plunge her into Sorrow too great to support. Happy is it for her if the Stream of Pleasure she is borne down with does not insensibly carry away her Honour and Virtue; or at least dash her on the fatal Rock of a miserable Marriage. Wherever this Portrait is found to be genuine, let it be remember’d, that the Painter who draws a real Likeness ought not to be blam’d for the Disagreeableness of the Features. Many, it is true, have Fortune to support their Pleasures, however expensive or irregular; but where that fails, where Fortune is small, and the Propensity to Pleasure great, Honour and Virtue stand so very tottering, that they are in perpetual Danger: and if with this unbridled Love of Pleasure, there be a tolerable share of Wit or Beauty, or both; who that reflects, can help trembling even at the Apprehension of a Fall? But tho’ a young Lady should escape those innumerable Calamities which her giddy Conduct has laid her open to, what Hopes are there, that she who has never borne Contradiction, will so demean herself as to become amiable in the Eyes of others, or be happy in herself? I could with great facility delineate a variety of shapes hideous to behold, which young People of both Sexes shew themselves in, when guided only by their Passions; but, to avoid Prolixity, will content myself with the general View I have already presented; and proceed to lay down such Rules as appear to me to tend most directly and securely to the avoiding the various Evils our Children are subject to, and seem most conducive to their real Happiness. But before I lay down any Precepts let me premise, that all Laws in general give Parents the sole supreme Power of governing their Children: ’tis the Order of Nature; and if her Laws are inverted, nothing but Confusion follows. If then Parents do not govern their Children at all; or what is worse, let their Children govern them, which is often the Case, the almost unavoidable Consequence will be, that Train of Irregularities and Disorders we daily see them run into; in which Case, there are but two Ways of their becoming sensible of their mistake: either from a natural Goodness of Heart awakened by Time and Experience; or from a load of Misfortunes crushing them down for want of Power to support them: now the one we ought not to trust to; and the other we should bend all our Study to prevent. Decorative footer Decorative header A...