The Project Gutenberg eBook, A Moral Alphabet, by Hilaire Belloc, Illustrated by Basil Blackwood This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org Title: A Moral Alphabet Author: Hilaire Belloc Release Date: July 3, 2012 [eBook #40134] Language: English Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 ***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A MORAL ALPHABET*** E-text prepared by Emmy, Charlene Taylor, and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team (http://www.pgdp.net) from page images generously made available by Internet Archive (http://archive.org) Note: Images of the original pages are available through Internet Archive. See http://archive.org/details/cu31924013585561 A MORAL ALPHABET. BY THE SAME AUTHORS. ————— MORE BEASTS (for worse children). Demy 4to. 3s. 6d. ————— THE MODERN TRAVELLER. Fcap. 4to. 3s. 6d. ————— Edward Arnold, London. A MORAL ALPHABET BY H. B. With Illustrations by B. B. Authors of "The Bad Child's Book of Beasts" "More Beasts for Worse Children" "The Modern Traveller" etc. [1] [2] [3] London EDWARD ARNOLD 37 BEDFORD STREET 1899 DEDICATION. —— TO THE GENTLEMAN ON PAGE 49. A stands for Archibald holding top hat Archibald who told no lies, And got this lovely volume for a prize. [4] [5] [6] row of men and boys The Upper School had combed and oiled their hair, And all the Parents of the Boys were there. In words that ring like thunder through the Hall, Draw tears from some and loud applause from all,— The Pedagogue, with Pardonable Joy, Bestows the Gift upon the Radiant Boy:— Teacher handing book to boy "Accept the Noblest Work produced as yet" (Says he) "upon the English Alphabet; "Next term I shall examine you, to find "If you have read it thoroughly. So mind!" And while the Boys and Parents cheered so loud, That out of doors [7] [8] crowd a large and anxious crowd Had gathered and was blocking up the street, The admirable child resumed his seat. Moral. Learn from this justly irritating Youth, To brush your Hair and Teeth and tell the Truth. B stands for Bear. [9] bear coming down mountain When Bears are seen Approaching in the distance, Make up your mind at once between Retreat and Armed Resistance. [10] Bear confronting man A Gentleman remained to fight— With what result for him? The Bear, with ill-concealed delight, Devoured him, Limb by Limb. Man running from bear Another Person turned and ran; He ran extremely hard: The Bear was faster than the Man, And beat him by a yard. Moral. Decisive action in the hour of need Denotes the Hero, but does not succeed. C stands for Cobra; when the Cobra [11] [12] cobra behind man who is wearing pajamas bites An Indian Judge, the Judge spends restless nights. Moral. This creature, though disgusting and appalling, Conveys no kind of Moral worth recalling. D The Dreadful Large dinosaur like creature with an elephant nose Dinotherium he Will have to do his best for D. The early world observed with awe His back, indented like a saw. His look was gay, his voice was strong; [13] [14] His tail was neither short nor long; His trunk, or elongated nose, Was not so large as some suppose; His teeth, as all the world allows, Were graminivorous, like a cow's. He therefore should have wished to pass Long peaceful nights upon the Grass, But being mad the brute preferred To roost in branches, like a bird. A creature heavier than a whale, You see at once, could hardly fail To suffer badly when he slid And tumbled Dino in the sky (as he always did). His fossil, therefore, comes to light All broken up: and serve him right. Moral. If you were born to walk the ground, Remain there; do not fool around. [A] We have good reason to suppose He did so, from his claw-like toes. E stands for [15] [A] [16] [17] Egg. Moral. The Moral of this verse Is applicable to the Young. Be terse. F for a family group Family taking a walk In Arcadia Terrace, no doubt: The parents indulge in intelligent talk, While the children they gambol about. At a quarter-past six they return to their tea, Of a kind that would hardly be tempting to me, Though my appetite passes belief. There is Jam, Ginger Beer, Buttered Toast, Marmalade, With a Cold Leg of Mutton and Warm Lemonade, And a large Pigeon Pie very skilfully made To consist almost wholly of Beef. [18] [19] Moral. A Respectable Family taking the air Is a subject on which I could dwell; It contains all the morals that ever there were, And it sets an example as well. G stands for Gnu, whose weapons of Defence Are long, sharp, curling Horns, and Common-sense. To these he adds a Name so short and strong, Looking at a gnu with an utlander in the distance That even Hardy Boers pronounce it wrong. How often on a bright Autumnal day The Pious people of Pretoria say, "Come, let us hunt the——" Then no more is heard But Sounds of Strong Men struggling with a word. Meanwhile, the distant Gnu with grateful eyes Observes his opportunity, and flies. Moral. Child, if you have a rummy kind of name, Remember to be thankful for the same. H was a [20] [21] [22] man on spotted horse Horseman who rode to the meet, And talked of the Pads of the fox as his "feet"— An error which furnished subscribers with grounds For refusing to make him a Master of Hounds. He gave way thereupon to so fearful a rage, That he sold up his Stable and went on the Stage, And had all the success that a man could desire In creating the Part of man performing on stage "The Old English Squire." [23] Moral. In the Learned Professions, a person should know The advantage of having two strings to his bow. I the Poor Indian, justly called "The Poor," man from India sitting on the floor He has to eat his Dinner off the floor. Moral. The Moral these delightful lines afford Is: "Living cheaply is its own reward." J stands for James, who thought it immaterial To pay his taxes, Local or Imperial. In vain the Mother wept, the Wife implored, James only yawned as though a trifle bored. [24] [25] one man talking to another The Tax Collector called again, but he Was met with Persiflage and Repartee. When James was hauled before the learned Judge, Who lectured him, he loudly whispered, "Fudge!" The Judge was startled from his usual calm, He James before a judge struck the desk before him with his palm, [26] And roared in tones to make the boldest quail, "J stands for James, it also stands for jail." And therefore, on a dark and dreadful day, Policemen came and took him all away. Moral. The fate of James is typical, and shows How little mercy people can expect Who will not pay their taxes; (saving those To which they conscientiously object.) K for the Klondyke, a Country of Gold, Where the winters are often excessively cold; Where the lawn every morning is covered with rime, And skating continues for years at a time. Do you think that a Climate can conquer the grit Of the Sons of the West? Not a bit! Not a bit! When the weather looks nippy, the bold Pioneers Put on two pairs of Stockings and cover their ears, And roam through the drear Hyperborean dales With a vast apparatus of Buckets and Pails; man with pickaxe with snow Or wander through wild Hyperborean glades With Hoes, Hammers, Pickaxes, Matlocks and Spades. There are some who give rise to exuberant mirth By turning up nothing but bushels of earth, While those who have little cause excellent fun By attempting to pilfer from those who have none. At times the reward they will get for their pains Is to strike very tempting auriferous veins; Or, a shaft being sunk for some miles in the ground, Not infrequently nuggets of value are found. They bring us the gold when their labours are ended, And we—after thanking them prettily—spend it. Moral. Just you work for Humanity, never you mind If Humanity seems to have left you behind. [27] [28] [29] [30] [31]