To Danny and Lecsy PERIGEE An imprint of Penguin Random House LLC 375 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014 Copyright © 2016 by Luminita Daniela Saviuc Penguin supports copyright. Copyright fuels creativity, encourages diverse voices, promotes free speech, and creates a vibrant culture. Thank you for buying an authorized edition of this book and for complying with copyright laws by not reproducing, scanning, or distributing any part of it in any form without permission. You are supporting writers and allowing Penguin to continue to publish books for every reader. eBook ISBN 978-0-69818273-8 Saviuc, Luminita D., author. LIBRARY OF CONGRESS CATALOGING-IN-PUBLICATION DATA 15 things you should give up to be happy : an inspiring guide to discovering effortless joy / Luminita D. Saviuc ; foreword by Vishen Lakhiani. — First edition. pages cm ISBN 978-0-399-17282-3 (paperback) 1. Happiness. 2. Conduct of life. I. Title. II. Title: Fifteen things you should give up to be happy. BJ1481.S325 2016 152.4'2—dc23 2015032168 First edition: March 2016 Cover design by Nellys Liang While the author has made every effort to provide accurate telephone numbers and Internet addresses at the time of publication, neither the publisher nor the author assumes any responsibility for errors, or for changes that occur after publication. Further, publisher does not have any control over and does not assume any responsibility for author or third-party websites or their content. Some names and identifying characteristics have been changed to protect the privacy of the individuals involved. Version_1 CONTENTS Title Page Dedication Copyright Foreword by Vishen Lakhiani Introduction Chapter 1: Give Up the Past Chapter 2: Give Up Your Fears Chapter 3: Give Up Your Limiting Beliefs Chapter 4: Give Up Your Excuses Chapter 5: Give Up Your Resistance to Change Chapter 6: Give Up Blaming Chapter 7: Give Up Complaining Chapter 8: Give Up the Luxury of Criticism Chapter 9: Give Up Living Your Life According to Other People’s Expectations Chapter 10: Give Up Your Self-Defeating Self-Talk Chapter 11: Give Up Control Chapter 12: Give Up the Need to Always Be Right Chapter 13: Give Up the Need to Impress Others Chapter 14: Give Up Labels Chapter 15: Give Up Attachment Final Note Acknowledgments Further Reading About the Author FOREWORD When I first met Luminita, she had just arrived in Malaysia for a career change, to begin a new role with my education company, Mindvalley. I never could have guessed just what an impact she would soon have on my learning and growth, and on the millions of lives she would later touch through her writing. I didn’t realize then that she is a powerhouse—a powerhouse who overcame painful and traumatic circumstances, yet emerged a beacon of light. Even in those early days, though, the signs were evident. It was clear to everyone how much she genuinely cared about helping people. Luminita often received amazing words of gratitude from our students for her thoughtful and comforting responses. For an organization that primarily focuses on empowering others with transformational education, this was a valuable trait. But that was only the beginning. One of the things I will always admire about Luminita is how avid a student she is. Often, on her breaks in the office, I’d see her studying the work of authors such as Wayne Dyer, Lao Tzu, and Louise Hay, just to name a few, then later sharing what she had learned with others around her, and through her blog, in deceptively simple yet powerful ways that uplifted them, and changed their lives. At one point she even started a coaching group at Mindvalley, drawing wisdom from the Tao Te Ching. As if expanding our minds was not enough, she then got us on an exercise plan, inspiring her friends and colleagues, including me, to give up some of the mindsets and habits that were stopping us from being healthier and more joyful. I never thought I’d have the discipline to commit to a thirty-day intensive exercise regimen, but I did, because Luminita had the power to persuade, prod and move us to just do it. And that’s precisely what this heartfelt book will help you with, too. Based on her famous blog post “15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy,” which went viral and was shared on Facebook more than 1.2 million times, it will inspire you and help you to transform your life from the inside out. Peppered with personal stories, quotes, and powerful insights that have inspired millions, this book reveals how Luminita, despite her abusive childhood, persevered and believed in her growth and her healing, and how you can, too. In the chapters that follow, you will learn about the wisdom of giving yourself permission to give up—that is, to let go of what holds you back. You will discover how to give up the past, the need to always be right, blaming others, and much, much more. At each step along the way Luminita will invite you, through parables, personal stories, and uplifting words, to truly take hold of your life by simply letting go. Anyone who has lived through what Luminita did and managed to emerge with such remarkable inner strength, to become the luminous being that she is, is someone for whom I have profound respect, and someone we can all learn from. And so, I encourage you to dive into 15 Things You Should Give Up to Be Happy, and be truly inspired by the hard-won lessons of someone who has managed to turn her life around, let go of the past, and heal herself so that she could seek her ultimate truth—to live at the peak of her human potential and inspire the lives of many others. I hope you’ll take great insight from Luminita’s work, as I have. Vishen Lakhiani Founder and CEO, Mindvalley INTRODUCTION It was a peaceful and quiet night in our home. The kind you don’t want to remember. It was cold, and the sky was dark. As dark as the memories of those years. My siblings and I were sitting in the middle of our living room, watching TV while my parents were somewhere in the house. As we were sitting there, enjoying ourselves, we suddenly heard our father’s angry screaming voice, breaking the stillness. “Who took them?!” “There are candies missing, who took them?!” “Who ate the candies?!” Without saying a single word, I looked at one of my sisters, and from the look on her face I immediately knew she was the one who took them. She looked horrified. We all did. Tears were running down our faces. We were all scared because we knew what was about to happen. He then asked again, this time with an even angrier voice: “Who took the damn candies? Answer me!” Nobody dared to say a word. “Who took them?!” “If the person who took the candies won’t admit it, you will all get in big trouble! All of you, you hear me?! All of you!” Without waiting for my father to ask the question one more time, with tears pouring down my face, I replied: “I took them. I took the candies. It was me.” I am not sure why exactly I decided to take on the blame, but I did. Maybe it was because I knew I could live with my pain but not with somebody else’s pain. I just didn’t want him to hurt my sister. “I am sorry. I ate them. I ate them all. Please forgive me. Please!” The moment I said it was me, he pulled me by my hair and started dragging me all the way to the bathroom.