The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Foreign Tour of Messrs. Brown, Jones and Robinson, by Richard Doyle This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org Title: The Foreign Tour of Messrs. Brown, Jones and Robinson Being the History of What They Saw, and Did, in Belgium, Germany, Switzerland & Italy. Author: Richard Doyle Release Date: July 20, 2009 [EBook #29463] Language: English Character set encoding: UTF-8 *** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FOREIGN TOUR--BROWN, JONES, ROBINSON *** Produced by Louise Hope This text uses UTF-8 (Unicode) file encoding. If the apostrophes and quotation marks in this paragraph appear as garbage, you may have an incompatible browser or unavailable fonts. First, make sure that your browser’s “character set” or “file encoding” is set to Unicode (UTF-8). You may also need to change the default font. Plate numbers, including the combined “49 & 50”, are in the original. Headnotes were printed on each page; for the e-text, they are shown only when there was a change. Horizontal layout is as in the original, except that “Scene I” and “Scene II” of Plate 70 (the Accademia, Venice) were printed side by side. Contents (added by transcriber) see title page THE FOREIGN TOUR OF MESSRS. BROWN, JONES, AND ROBINSON. see link Title Page Text The Foreign Tour of Messrs / BROWN JONES & ROBINSON LONDON. see text THE MAIL TRAIN TO DOVER. BROWN, JONES, AND ROBINSON STARTING ON THEIR TRAVELS. OSTEND. see text AFTER A ROUGH PASSAGE, BROWN, JONES, AND ROBINSON ARE HERE SEEN LANDED AT OSTEND, SURROUNDED, AND A LITTLE BEWILDERED, BY THE NATIVES, WHO OVERWHELM THEM WITH ATTENTIONS—SEIZE THE LUGGAGE, THRUST CARDS INTO THEIR HANDS, DRAG THEM IN SEVERAL DIRECTIONS AT ONCE, ALL TALKING TOGETHER (WHICH PREVENTED THEIR DIRECTIONS BEING SO CLEAR AS THEY OTHERWISE WOULD HAVE BEEN)—AND, FINALLY, ALL EXPECTING MONEY! 1 2 see text THEY ARE AT THE DOUANE, WAITING FOR THE OFFICIALS TO SEARCH THE LUGGAGE. ROBINSON AND JONES (ALARMED BY EXPRESSION OF BROWN’S COUNTENANCE). —“WHAT’S THE MATTER NOW?” BROWN (IN A VOICE OF AGONY). —“I’VE LEFT THE KEY OF MY BAG AT HOME!” OSTEND TO COLOGNE. see text A SKETCH MADE AT MALINES. see text HOW THEY SAW BELGIUM. COLOGNE. 3 4 see text THE ARRIVAL AT COLOGNE. TRAVELLERS PASSING THEIR EXAMINATION. IN THE FOREGROUND IS JONES’S PORTMANTEAU UNDERGOING THE “ORDEAL BY TOUCH.” see text MANNER AND CUSTOM OF THE PEOPLE, AS SEEN FROM THE RAILWAY BY BROWN, AND MADE A NOTE OF. see text B. J. AND R., WHO TOOK THEIR PLACES ON THE ROOF THE BETTER TO COMMAND THE VIEW, ARE SEEN AT THE MOMENT WHEN THE IDEA OCCURRED TO THE TWO FORMER THAT THEY MIGHT POSSIBLY NOT “FIT” UNDER THE ARCHWAY. ROBINSON IS SO WRAPPED UP IN THOUGHT, AND A CIGAR, THAT HE IS UNCONSCIOUS OF ALL ELSE. THIS REPRESENTS THE COLOGNE OMNIBUS ON ITS JOURNEY FROM THE STATION INTO THE CITY, WHEN STOPPED BY THE MILITARY, AND MADE TO “STAND AND DELIVER” THE PASSPORTS. 5 see text ARRIVAL AT THE HOTEL, AND FIRST COMING IN SIGHT OF THAT AMIABLE AND OBLIGING RACE, THE GERMAN WAITER. HE IS SMALL IN STATURE (SCARCELY THE SIZE OF LIFE, AS JONES REMARKED), AND REMAINS ALWAYS A BOY. see text “SPEISE-SAAL” HOTEL, COLOGNE—ENTER BROWN, JONES, AND ROBINSON, FATIGUED, AND SOMEWHAT DISORDERED BY TRAVEL, AND “SO HUNGRY.” see text HOW AN AGENT OF JEAN MARIA FARINA ADDRESSED THEM, WHO WAS KIND ENOUGH TO PUT SOME OF THE CELEBRATED “EAU” UPON THEIR HANDKERCHIEFS, AND TO RECEIVE ORDERS FOR THE SAME. 6 7 see text THE REAL EAU DE COLOGNE, AND ITS EFFECT UPON THE NOSES OF THREE ILLUSTRIOUS INDIVIDUALS. see text “KELLNER” PRESENTS THE BILL. see text THEY “DO” COLOGNE CATHEDRAL. COLOGNE TO BONN. 8 9 see text THE RAILWAY FROM COLOGNE TO BONN. —B. J. AND R. “JUST IN TIME.” see text FIRST GLIMPSE OF RHINE SCENERY. BONN. see text see text JONES’S LITTLE ALL IS CONTAINED IN THIS SMALL PORTMANTEAU. ROBINSON, ON THE CONTRARY, FINDS IT QUITE IMPOSSIBLE TO MOVE WITH LESS THAN THIS. see text THIS SCENE REPRESENTS THE RHINE BOAT ABOUT TO START FROM BONN, AND PASSENGERS FROM THE RAILWAY EMBARKING. IN THE FOREGROUND AN ACCIDENT HAS OCCURRED, A PORTER HAVING UPSET THE LUGGAGE OF AN ENGLISH FAMILY, THE HEAD OF WHICH IS SALUTING HIM WITH THE NATIONAL “DAMN,” WHILE THE COURIER OF THE 10 PARTY EXPRESSES THE SAME IDEA IN GERMAN. THE RHINE. see text BROWN’S FIRST IMPRESSION OF THE RHINE. From an ORIGINAL SKETCH in the possession of his family. see text HEADS OF THE NATIVES. A Leaf from Brown’s Sketch Book. see text COMPANY ON BOARD THE RHINE BOAT. AMONGST THEM WAS A TRAVELLING TUTOR, AND THREE YOUNG GENTLEMEN, HIS PUPILS. HE STOOD IN THE MIDST OF THEM SMILING BLANDLY, AN OPEN VOLUME IN HIS HAND, (PROBABLY A CLASSIC AUTHOR,) BETWEEN WHICH, AND HIS PUPILS, AND THE SCENERY, HE DIVIDED HIS ATTENTION IN ABOUT EQUAL PARTS. THERE WAS A SPECIMEN OF THE ENGLISH GRUMBLER, BIG, BURLY, AND AS IF IN DANGER OF CHOKING FROM THE TIGHTNESS OF HIS CRAVAT. EVERY ONE KNOWS HIM, HIS PLEASANT WAYS, AND HIS CONSTANT FLOW OF GOOD HUMOUR AND CHEERFULNESS; THAT IS HE, SITTING TO THE RIGHT. THERE WERE BESIDES, NUMEROUS YOUNG GENTLEMEN FROM THE UNIVERSITIES, FROM THE ARMY, FROM THE BAR, ALL WITH MORE OR LESS HAIR ON THEIR UPPER LIPS; AND THERE WAS A CAVALRY OFFICER OF THE RUSSIAN GUARD, AND A PROFESSOR, ON HIS WAY TO HEIDELBERG, AND LOOSE, DISHEVELLED, HAIRY, SMOKY YOUNG GERMANS, WITH LONG BEARDS, AND LONGER PIPES. AND THERE WAS A BRITISH NOBLEMAN, AND A BRITISH ALDERMAN, AND A BRITISH ALDERWOMAN; AND THERE WERE BRITISH LADIES WHOM I CAN’T DESCRIBE, BECAUSE THEY WORE THOSE “UGLY” THINGS WHICH PREVENT THEM BEING SEEN; INTELLIGENT YOUNG AMERICANS ON THEIR WAY ALL OVER THE WORLD; NUNS, WITH THEIR QUIET, HAPPY FACES; RED REPUBLICANS FROM FRANKFORT, AND SNOBS FROM LONDON. 11 12 see text THE GREAT BRITON. AS HE STOOD CONTEMPLATING THE RHINE-LAND, WONDERING IF IT WOULD BE POSSIBLE TO LIVE IN THAT COUNTRY; AND CONSIDERING (SUPPOSING HE HAD ONE OF THOSE CASTLES, NOW) HOW MANY THOUSANDS A-YEAR ONE COULD DO IT WITH. THE SCENERY WOULD DO; AND WITH ENGLISH INSTITUTIONS IT MIGHT BE MADE A GOOD THING OF. N.B. —HE LITTLE THINKS WHAT BROWN IS DOING. see text EVEN THE NUN WAS NOT SAFE FROM BROWN. HE IS HERE SEEN TAKING HER OFF, IN A RAPID ACT OF SKETCHING. see text see text B. J. AND R. HAD JUST BEGUN TO ENJOY THE SCENERY, WHEN, TO THEIR CONSTER​NATION, WHO SHOULD APPEAR ON BOARD BUT THE “BORE,” WHO INSTANTLY WAS DOWN UPON THEM. FOR THREE MORTAL HOURS HE ENTER​TAINED THEM WITH FASHIONABLE INTELLI​GENCE, ANECDOTES OF THE ARISTO​CRACY, THE COURT CIRCULAR, BIRTHS, DEATHS, MARRIAGES, &C. 13 14 see text THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE AN M.P. TRAVELLING IN SEARCH OF “FACTS.” HE IS GIVING BROWN HIS VIEWS; AND ALSO THE STATISTICS OF EVERYTHING. see text A VIEW ON THE RHINE. see text see text THE LONDON GENT UP THE RHINE. BRITISH FARMER AND SON IN FOREIGN PARTS. HE IS TAKEN AT THE MOMENT WHEN EXPRESSING HIS OPINION THAT THE WHOLE CONCERN IS A “DO” AND A “SELL.” THEY BOTH WORE A PERPETUAL GRIN AND STARE OF SURPRISE, JONES THOUGHT THAT THEY HAD TAKEN LEAVE OF ENGLAND AND THEIR SENSES AT ONCE, OWING TO THE WITHDRAWAL OF PROTECTION. 15 see text THE RHINE BOAT. BROWN MAY BE SEEN SEATED THERE UPON THE PADDLE-BOX, RAPIDLY SKETCHING EVERY CHURCH, RUINED CASTLE, TOWN, OR OTHER OBJECT OF INTEREST ON EITHER BANK OF THE RIVER. THOSE ARE JONES AND ROBINSON, LEANING OVER THE SIDE OF THE BOAT BELOW HIM. OBSERVE, ALSO, THE STOUT PARTY WHO HAS CALLED FOR BRANDY-AND-WATER, AND WHOSE COUNTENANCE ALMOST LAPSES INTO A SMILE AS “KELLNER” APPROACHES WITH THE BEVERAGE. THE TUTOR, IT IS PLEASANT TO SEE, HAS AT LAST PUT HIS “CLASSIC” IN HIS POCKET, AND GIVES HIMSELF UP TO THE UNDIVIDED ENJOYMENT OF THE SCENE, WHILE HIS “YOUNG CHARGE” IS WRAPPED IN CONTEMPLATION OF MECHANICAL SCIENCE AS EXEMPLIFIED IN THE STRUCTURE OF THE WHEEL. AND THAT MUST SURELY BE THE GENT WHO HAS SUCH A LOW OPINION OF THE BEAUTY OF THE RHINE-LAND, SEATED AT THE STERN OF THE BOAT WITH HIS LEGS DANGLING OVER THE RIVER. LET US HOPE THAT HE IS HAPPY NOW! see text THE ENGLISH “MILORD” UPON THE RHINE. HOW HAPPY HE LOOKS! HE DISLIKES THE HUM OF MEN, AND SITS ALL DAY SHUT UP IN HIS CARRIAGE READING THE LITERATURE OF HIS COUNTRY. HOW RUDE OF THOSE GERMANS TO BE LAUGHING AND JOKING SO NEAR HIS LORDSHIP! see text PERFECT ENJOYMENT. 16 COBLENTZ. see text INDIGNATION OF ROBINSON, AT SIGHT OF INADEQUATE WASHING APPARATUS. HE RANG THE BELL WITH SUCH VIOLENCE, THAT ALL THE WAITERS RUSHED IN, THINKING THAT THE HOTEL WAS ON FIRE, OR THAT A REVOLUTION HAD BROKEN OUT. THERE HE STOOD, POINTING TO THE WATER, ABOUT HALF A PINT IN A BASIN THE SIZE OF A BREAKFAST CUP; AND IN A VOICE OF SUPPRESSED EMOTION, DEMANDING TO KNOW IF “DAS IST, ETC.” see text JONES’S NIGHT THOUGHTS. “MAN WANTS BUT LITTLE HERE BELOW,” BUT “WANTS THAT LITTLE LONG.” see text IF YOU SHOULD FORGET THE NUMBER OF YOUR KEY AND ROOM (as BROWN did on returning late from the theatre), WHAT ARE YOU TO DO? An Incident in the Life of Jones’s Dog. see text 17 18 HOW THIS ANIMAL SEEMED TO HAVE IMBIBED COMMUNISTIC PRINCIPLES, AND HOW HE STOLE A SAUSAGE, AND HOW THE POPULATION ROSE LIKE ONE MAN, AND HUNTED HIM THROUGH THE TOWN. see text THE DOG HAVING OUTSTRIPPED THE POPULACE, PROCEEDS TO EAT THE SAUSAGE. see text HAVING DONE SO, HE LOOKS STOUTER THAN HE DID, AND IS INCLINED TO REST. THE INHABITANTS, EAGER FOR VENGEANCE, SURROUND HIM, BUT ARE KEPT AT BAY BY THE EXPRESSION OF HIS COUNTENANCE. see text ONE BURLY PEASANT HAVING THE HARDIHOOD TO APPROACH TOO NEAR, HE IS MADE AS EXAMPLE OF. Exeunt omnes. THE RHINE. see text BROWN, WITH NOBLE PERSEVERANCE, SITS UPON THE PADDLE-BOX, REGARDLESS OF THE STORM, AND SKETCHES THE CASTLES AND TOWNS, AS THE STEAM-BOAT PASSES THEM. 19 20 see text —TILL IN A MOMENT OF GRIEF HIS HAT AND SEVERAL SKETCHES WERE CARRIED OFF FOR EVER: AND THEN HE THOUGHT IT TIME TO GO BELOW. see text see text BROWN’S HAT. HOW A CITIZEN OF THE UNITED STATES ADDRESSED BROWN; AND HOW HE PUT THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS DURING THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES OF THEIR ACQUAINTANCE. 1. “WHERE ARE YOU GOING?” 2. “WHAT PLACE DO YOU HAIL FROM?” 3. “CONCLUDE YOU GO TOE FRANK​FORT?” 4. “YOU’RE MR. BROWN, I RECKON?” 5. “WHAT NAMES DO YOUR FRIENDS GO BY?” STATEMENTS MADE DURING THE SAME PERIOD. 1. “THIS HERE RHINE AIN’T MUCH BY THE SIDE OF OUR MISSISSIPPI.” 2. “OLD EUROPE IS ’TARNALLY CHAWED UP.” ROBINSON WAS VERY MERRY ABOUT THIS INCIDENT, AND BOTH HE AND JONES KEPT POKING FUN AT BROWN DURING THE REST OF THE DAY. THEY PARODIED THE WELL KNOWN SONG OF “MY HEART’S ON THE RHINE,” SUBSTITUTING “MY HAT’S IN THE RHINE;”—(IT WAS VERY POOR STUFF, WE HAVE BEEN ASSURED BY BROWN)—AND THEY MADE POINTED ALLUSIONS TO THE NAME OF “WIDE-AWAKE.” THE ABOVE DRAWING IS FROM A RUDE SKETCH BY JONES. see text THE SCENERY BECOMES MYSTERIOUS. THEY NOW BECAME ENVELOPED IN WHAT SEEMED A COMBINATION OF FOG (LONDON NOVEMBER) AND MIST (SCOTCH). ONLY THINK OF THOSE TWO NATIONAL INSTITUTIONS GOING UP THE RHINE WITH THE REST OF THE FASHIONABLE WORLD. AT FIRST IT OBSCURED THE HILL TOPS, WITH THE RUINS THEREON; THEN THE VILLAGES AND VINEYARDS BELOW; AND FINALLY BOTH BANKS OF THE RIVER ENTIRELY DISAPPEARED. THE COMPANY ON BOARD THE STEAMBOAT DID NOT, AT THIS PERIOD, PRESENT THE MOST CHEERFUL ASPECT. 21