MMeenn,, MMaassccuulliinniittyy && CCoonntteemmppoorraarryy DDaattiinngg Chris Haywood Men, Masculinity and Contemporary Dating Chris Haywood Men, Masculinity and Contemporary Dating Chris Haywood Media, Culture and Heritage Newcastle University Newcastle-upon-Tyne, UK ISBN 978-1-137-50682-5 ISBN 978-1-137-50683-2 (eBook) https://doi.org/10.1057/978-1-137-50683-2 Library of Congress Control Number: 2018937513 © The Editor(s) (if applicable) and The Author(s) 2018 The author(s) has/have asserted their right(s) to be identified as the author(s) of this work in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988. This work is subject to copyright. All rights are solely and exclusively licensed by the Publisher, whether the whole or part of the material is concerned, specifically the rights of translation, reprinting, reuse of illustrations, recitation, broadcasting, reproduction on microfilms or in any other physical way, and trans- mission or information storage and retrieval, electronic adaptation, computer software, or by similar or dissimilar methodology now known or hereafter developed. The use of general descriptive names, registered names, trademarks, service marks, etc. in this publication does not imply, even in the absence of a specific statement, that such names are exempt from the relevant protective laws and regulations and therefore free for general use. The publisher, the authors and the editors are safe to assume that the advice and information in this book are believed to be true and accurate at the date of publication. Neither the publisher nor the authors or the editors give a warranty, express or implied, with respect to the material contained herein or for any errors or omissions that may have been made. The publisher remains neutral with regard to jurisdictional claims in published maps and institutional affiliations. Cover illustration: © GoodMood Photo / Alamy Stock Photo Printed on acid-free paper This Palgrave Macmillan imprint is published by the registered company Macmillan Publishers Ltd. part of Springer Nature. The registered company address is: The Campus, 4 Crinan Street, London, N1 9XW, United Kingdom To Sandra Haywood, Jade Haywood, Elycia Haywood and Victoria Haywood Acknowledgements I have been so lucky to have a number of friends and colleagues who have helped think through many of the areas when putting this book together. This includes, Mairtin Mac an Ghaill, Thomas Johansson, Liviu Popoviciu, Jeepers Andersson, Andreas Ottemo, Marcus Herz, Ylva Odenbring, Anne Dorte; Niels Ulrik Sørensen, Michael Keheler, Ali Javaid, Jhitsayarat Siripai, Chao Yang, Andrea Waling, Kelly Murphey, Lucas Gotzen, Margareta Bohlin, Peter Hakansson, Per Norden, Jeniie Sivenberg, Nils Hammaren, Annette Helman, Ardis Kristen and Xiaodong Lin. A very special thank you to Jonathan Allan, Frank Karioris and Andrea Waling for their intellectual warmth, kindness and hangover cures. A number of conferences over the last years have proved invaluable to the development of the book: the NYRIS conference with fantastic input from my Nordic friends, the Men and Power conference in South Africa, the Men Doing Sex conference at Newcastle University, and also my stay with Todd Reeser and the staff and students of Pittsburgh University. A special shout out to the American Men’s Studies Association conferences over the past few years—one of the few places that is safe to share ideas with critical friends and is not a forum for academic entrepreneurs. Colleagues at Newcastle including Gareth Longstaff, Steve Walls, David Baines, Florian Zollman, Karen Ross, Clifton Evers, Darren Kelsey, Gerard Corsane, Peter Hopkins, Pauline Dixon, Steve Humble, vii viii Acknowledgements Bill Roberts, Kerry Dodds, Sarah Greenhalgh, Jane Hughes and Christine Foster deserve special praise. This book would not have been at all possible without those who helped carry out the interviews. Jessica Pass, Josephine Ayre, Megan Law and Zoe Bright, your time, help and discussions have been invaluable. Thank you to my family, who at different times have helped and sup- ported me in different ways: John Haywood, Paul Denny, Lelah McDermott, Tony McDermott, Poppy Haywood and David Hillaby. A special shout out to James Matheson. Finally, I have been privileged to teach the Sex, Sexuality and Desire module at Newcastle University for a number of years, and I sincerely thank all of the students over those years who taught me things that I never knew was possible. Doing ‘Sex’ with you was such good fun and I look forward to doing more of it in future years! Contents 1 First Encounters 1 2 (Post) Dating Masculinities: From Courtship to a Post- dating World 25 3 Speed Dating: The Making of ‘Three- Minute Masculinities’ 55 4 Holiday Romances: Liquid Lust and the ‘Package Holiday’ 93 5 Mobile Romance: Tinder and the Navigation of Masculinity 131 6 Online Sex Seeking: Beyond Digital Encounters 167 7 ‘Dogging Men’: Car Parks, Masculinity and Anonymous Sex 199 ix x Contents 8 Conclusion 231 Index 243 1 First Encounters Introduction Dating is changing. Alongside the more established ways of meeting people, such as introductions by family and friends, meetings in bars and clubs and encounters in everyday work and social life, new forms of dating are emerging. Speed dating, mobile romance, online dating, holiday romances and hooking-up provide ways of meeting people that move away from the taken-for-granted scripts and rituals, to a moment of uncertainty where the ‘rules of the dating game’ have become less clear and less predictable. We are developing a new emo- tional literacy to make sense of the changes in dating, such as the emergence of ‘thirtysomethings’, ‘placeholder relationships’, ‘stream- ing infidelity’ and ‘Commitmentphobes’ (of which there are numerous kinds). Some have suggested that we are now in an era of Post-dating where the benchmarks of traditional dating cultures are irrelevant (Massa 2012, p. 7). Within the shifting landscape of dating, there is no clear guide to understand how such changes should be navigated. And this book is not going to give you one. However, this book will provide a reflection on how heterosexual men are navigating them. Although research is beginning to identify the transformational potential of © The Author(s) 2018 1 C. Haywood, Men, Masculinity and Contemporary Dating, https://doi.org/10.1057/978-1-137-50683-2_1