INTRODUCING N L P 316V_tx.indd 1 02/07/2012 14:32 Like the creative composer, some people are more gifted at living than others. They do have an effect on those around them, but the process stops there because there is no way of describing in technical terms just what it is they do, most of which is out of awareness. Some time in the future, a long, long time from now when culture is more completely explored, there will be an equivalent of musical scores that can be learned, each for a different type of man or woman in different types of jobs or relationships, for time, space, work, and play. We see people who are successful and happy today, who have jobs which are rewarding and productive. What are the sets, isolates, and patterns that differentiate their lives from those of the less fortunate? We need to have a means for making life a little less haphazard and more enjoyable. Edward T. Hall The Silent Language 316V_tx.indd 2 02/07/2012 14:32 NEURO-LINGUISTIC PROGRAMMING INTRODUCING N L P Psychological Skills for Understanding and Influencing People JOSEPH O’CONNOR & JOHN SEYMOUR Foreword by Robert Dilts and Preface by John Grinder 316V_tx.indd 3 02/07/2012 14:32 To all pragmatic idealists and the spirit of curiosity First U.S. edition published in 2011 by Conari Press, an imprint of Red Wheel/Weiser, llc With offices at: 650 Third Street, Suite 400 San Francisco, CA 94107 www.redwheelweiser.com Published by arrangement with HarperCollins Publishers Ltd © Joseph O’Connor and John Seymour, 1990 First published by Mandala 1990 Revised edition by The Aquarian Press 1993 Additional revised edition by HarperElement 2002 The Authors assert the moral right to be identified as the Authors of this work. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from Red Wheel/Weiser, llc. Reviewers may quote brief passages. ISBN: 978-1-57324-498-5 Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data available upon request Printed and bound in Great Britain by Clays Ltd, St Ives plc Typeset by Palimpsest Book Production Limited, Falkirk, Stirlingshire Cover photograph © Shutterstock 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 316V_tx.indd 4 02/07/2012 14:32 CONTENTS Foreword by Robert Dilts x Preface by John Grinder xi Introduction xii Introduction to the Second Edition xv CHAPTER I Sets a context and maps out the main ideas of NLP: how we get from our present reality to where we want to go, outcomes, commu- nication, how to gain rapport, and how we build our unique ways of understanding the world. What is Neuro-Linguistic Programming? 1 Santa Cruz, California, 1972 2 Santa Cruz, 1976 3 Maps and Filters 4 Learning, Unlearning, and Relearning 6 The Three Minute Seminar 8 Outcomes 10 Present State and Desired State 15 Communication 16 Rapport 19 Pacing and Leading 21 CHAPTER 2 Deals with how we use our senses internally to think, how language relates to thought, and how you can tell the way in which other people are thinking. The Doors of Perception 25 Representational Systems 26 Preferred Representational Systems 29 316V_tx.indd 5 02/07/2012 14:32 Language and Representational Systems 30 Predicates 31 Lead System 32 Synesthesias, Overlap, and Translation 33 Eye Accessing Cues 35 Other Accessing Cues 39 Submodalities 41 CHAPTER 3 Deals with our states of mind, how they are evoked, and how we can use these stimuli or anchors to gain access to our resourceful states of mind at will. Physiological States and Emotional Freedom 49 Elicitation 51 Calibration 52 Anchors 53 Resource Anchoring 56 Chaining Anchors 60 Collapsing Anchors 61 Change Personal History 62 Future Pacing 64 New Behavior Generator 66 CHAPTER 4 This is about thinking in terms of systems rather than simple cause and effect. It contains some of Robert Dilts’ recent work, how envi- ronment, behavior, capability, beliefs and identity fit together. Loops and Systems 67 Learning Loops 71 Failure to Feedback 72 Levels of Learning 73 Descriptions of Reality 75 Triple Description 76 Robert Dilts’ Unified Field of NLP 77 Beliefs 83 316V_tx.indd 6 02/07/2012 14:32 CHAPTER 5 Describes how language sets limits on our experience and how we can go beyond those limits. The Meta Model patterns are a way of asking key questions to clarify what people say. Words and Meanings 87 Thinking Out Loud 89 Making Sense of Words—The Meta Model 90 Saying it all—The Deep Structure 91 Unspecified Nouns 92 Unspecified Verbs 93 Comparisons 94 Judgments 95 Nominalizations 95 Modal Operators of Possibility 96 Modal Operators of Necessity 98 Universal Quantifiers 99 Complex Equivalence 101 Presuppositions 101 Cause and Effect 102 Mind Reading 104 CHAPTER 6 How to use language in artfully vague ways that accord with other people’s experience and allows them access to their unconscious resources—called the Milton Model after the world famous hypno- therapist, Milton Erickson. There is a section on metaphor, another on changing the meaning of experience, and a third on how we perceive time subjectively. Uptime and Downtime 111 The Milton Model 113 Pacing and Leading 114 The Search for Meaning 115 Distraction and Utilization of the Conscious Mind 116 Left and Right Brain Hemispheres 118 Accessing the Unconscious and Resources 119 Metaphor 121 The Prince and the Magician 125 Reframing and the Transformation of Meaning 126 316V_tx.indd 7 02/07/2012 14:32 Context Reframing 129 Content Reframing 129 Intention and Behavior 130 Six Step Reframing 131 Timelines 134 In Time and Through Time 137 Talking with Time 139 CHAPTER 7 Explores more NLP patterns, including conflict, alignment, values and flexibility in the context of business. How to make meetings run more effectively and how to reach agreement in difficult situations. Conflict and Congruence 141 Identifying your Congruence Signal 142 Identifying your Incongruence Signal 142 Values and Criteria 143 Hierarchy of Criteria 145 Chutes and Ladders—Stepping Up and Stepping Down 146 Metaprograms 149 Selling 157 Frames 158 Meetings 160 Negotiation 164 CHAPTER 8 Focuses on NLP in therapy and personal change, and describes three classic NLP techniques: the swish, the phobia cure, and internal conflict resolution. Psychotherapy 169 First Order Change 170 The Phobia Cure 171 The Swish Pattern 174 Second Order Change 176 Internal Conflict 176 316V_tx.indd 8 02/07/2012 14:32 CHAPTER 9 This chapter is about our thinking strategies. There are some practical examples, including the famous NLP spelling strategy. There is a strategy for musical memory, and a creative strategy modelled on Walt Disney. Learning as Modeling 179 How NLP Modeling Began 179 Modeling 181 Beliefs 183 Physiology 184 Strategies 185 A Recipe for Success 185 Music Strategy 188 Memory Strategy 189 Spelling Strategy 192 Strategy for Creativity 194 Back to Modeling 198 NLP, Modeling, and Accelerated Learning 202 User’s Guide 203 EPILOGUE This is a brief, speculative exploration of how NLP reflects change in our culture; how the process of change in the internal world of our thoughts reflects the increasing rate of change in the external world. 205 REFERENCE SECTION A source of practical information and advice on choosing NLP books and courses. Investing in Yourself 209 Choosing NLP Training 212 NLP Organizations Worldwide 214 A Guide to NLP Books 216 NLP Resources Guide 228 NLP Glossary 229 Index 237 About the Authors and Business Consultancy Services 242 316V_tx.indd 9 02/07/2012 14:32