CONTENTS 1. Title Page 2. FOREWORD 3. 1. WELCOME TO MY WORLD 4. 2. INTO THE DUNGEON 5. 3. THOSE WHO PLAY TOGETHER… STAY TOGETHER 6. 4. ‘YOUR MUMMY ISN’T REALLY YOUR MUMMY’ 7. 5. LEFT BEHIND 8. 6. SEXUAL AWAKENING 9. 7. SEX EDUCATION 10. 8. LOSING MY VIRGINITY 11. 9. ‘A GOOD EDUCATION…’ 12. 10. SPREADING MY WINGS 13. 11. FIRST LOVE 14. 12. GOING OFF THE RAILS 15. 13. LEAVING HOME 16. 14. DREAMING SPIRES 17. 15. A MISTRESS’S FIRST STEPS 18. 16. MY LITTLE CASE OF HORRORS 19. 17. ‘YOU’RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE…’ 20. 18. KINKIER AND KINKIER 21. 19. A NORMAL JOB 22. 20. ‘EVERYTHING GOES UP… APART FROM THE PRICE OF PUSSY’ 23. 21. ALL GIRLS TOGETHER… 24. 22. AN ANNUS HORRIBILIS 25. 23. FINDING MY FATHER 26. 24. SORRY GUYS… SIZE MATTERS 27. 25. WEST LONDON TOWERS 28. 26. TRUE LOVE… AT LAST 29. 27. A STAR OF STAGE AND SCREEN 30. 28. THE AMERICAN DREAM 31. 29. REFLECTIONS 32. AFTERWORD 33. Plates 34. Copyright FOREWORD M any families have secrets; the skeletons of long forgotten mistakes or indiscretions lurking in the cupboard for years, tucked away from the light and never to be spoken of again. In my case, my family had a secret which I only learnt through local gossip when I was nine-years-old. I discovered at primary school that all of the family relationships I had ever known were one big lie. The two people I knew as my mum and dad weren’t really my mum and dad at all – they were my grandparents. My real birthmother had left home years before, leaving me behind and starting an entirely new family. The revelation shattered my world. It turned out that the woman I thought was my big sister was really my mum, my nephew was really my brother, my niece was my baby sister and my elderly cousins were all aunts and uncles. My paternal grandparents had not wanted to know me, and my real dad was nowhere to be seen. It was, in short, a confusing time all round. There’s a famous phrase of recent years, originally written by the poet Philip Larkin, which strikes a chord with me whenever I hear its somewhat crude sentiment: ‘They fuck you up, your mum and dad.’ In my case, my parents didn’t ‘fuck up’ my life, they merely confused it. They may even have done me a favour by helping mould me into a much- desired dominatrix and making me the strong, independent and successful businesswoman I like to believe I am today. My worry, however, is how to tell the tale of how I grew up to be a star of the adult film world, and Britain’s foremost dominatrix, without confusing any of you kind enough to read my story. Until they day they died, I called my grandparents ‘Mum and Dad’, and knew my birthmother simply by her first name. But for the sake of clarity, I shall refer throughout this narrative to my maternal grandparents – the couple who became my adoptive parents – as ‘Nan’ and ‘Granddad’ and I’ve given the title ‘Mum’ back to my birthmother. (All other names, including relatives, friends, clients, partners, have been changed to protect anonymity.) Confused? Quite probably! But please read on. All will, in due course, be explained. – Miranda CHAPTER 1 WELCOME TO MY WORLD T he lights had been dimmed in the business-class cabin of the United Airlines overnight flight from New York to London – the ‘Red-Eye’ as it is known to frequent travellers. Most passengers were silent and still. Only a few were properly asleep but many had huddled down under their scarlet airline-issue blankets to try and snatch a few hours of fitful rest. My travelling companion in the adjacent seat, the wealthy sales director of a British computer company, was lying prone and also covered with a blanket. Neither he nor I, however, was expecting any sleep during the flight. I was awake because I am a professional dominatrix who was being paid to tease and hurt my neighbour mercilessly that night. He was most definitely not asleep because his hands were tied behind his back and regular jolts of electricity were coursing through the metal contacts of the elasticised straps I’d wrapped tightly around his testicles and the glans of his penis. I watched his face carefully as we lay, barely a foot apart, with just the shared armrest of the seat between us, our heads turned towards each other, and our eyes locked together in the dim light. Charles adores me looking deep into his eyes whilst I am torturing him, and years of experience have taught me that you can judge a man or woman’s pain-endurance levels more accurately through their eyes than by any other method. The remote control device I was using, much like the one you use for your television, adjusts the strength of the battery-powered electric current rolling in waves across his genitalia. The trick is always to ensure that the discomfort levels are as high as my client can bear, without making him cry out in pain. The last thing Charles wanted was for one of the attentive stewardesses to notice anything amiss on their irregular patrols along the darkened aisle. I wouldn’t really have minded if our kinky little game had been uncovered; I am often paid to humiliate my clients in public and was born with barely an embarrassment gene in my body. My only worry on this occasion was breaking the airline’s rules against using ‘an electronic device’ in flight. They always claim, don’t they, that it might interfere with the aircraft’s navigation systems? Glancing at one of the three watches habitually strapped to my wrist (yes, I know it’s weird, but it’s my own, private, time-keeping fetish) I realised that our fellow passengers would soon be stirring. It was time to bring our game to an end. I touched the remote control button one last time to ensure that Charles’ penis and balls were suffering all the pain he desired. Then I made sure he was watching as I slipped a surgical-latex glove onto my hand. His excitement levels grew rapidly, his breath quickening and lips slightly parting, as my hand crept discreetly under the blanket draped across us. Fumbling in the darkness I squeezed the head of his cock, momentarily increasing the impact of the electrics and forcing the first, barely audible, moan of pain from deep in his throat. It was then but the work of a moment to rub my rubber-gloved fingers along his shaft and bring him to a shuddering sexual climax. My hand continued moving gently to give him as much afterglow pleasure as possible: a little reward for the pain he had endured. Honestly, I sometimes surprise myself with what a kind Mistress I can be! Then, still working by feel in the semi-darkness, I untied his hands, lay back in my seat and left him to clean himself up as best he could. My Emmanuelle-type moment of teasing and torturing a client during a busy international flight is one of the more unusual requests I’ve fulfilled in nearly two decades as a professional dominatrix. The biggest challenge came not from playing the in-flight game but in carrying the equipment through airport security. The tiny battery pack and remote control easily pass as a phone or iPod, whilst the cock and ball straps have tiny metal contacts but look like a fashionable wrist-band. Neither had aroused any interest as we passed through Heathrow and Newark airports on the outward journey. My aviation adventure was the climax, literally, of a three-day trip to the US as the paid companion of my London-based client, Charles, a regular visitor to my dungeon. He had planned it partly as a treat for me, but mostly because he was desperate to enliven an otherwise boring business trip that was of necessity keeping him away from his wife and his family. Staying together in a midtown Manhattan hotel, we had explored both the city and each other’s BDSM (the acronym popularly employed as shorthand for Bondage, Domination, Sadism and Masochism) fantasies in a frantic day- and-night whirlwind of sightseeing and sexy games. It was far from being the first time that I had ‘sessioned’ with Charles, but we had never before had so much time together to tease out his deepest fantasies and fears. For me there was the fascination of delving deep into Charles’ mind and uncovering thoughts and desires that he had never openly admitted, even to himself. For him, there was the pleasure of my company by day and of the pain and torment I could bring him by night. The beauty of it was that Charles was not even, in a technical sense, being unfaithful to his wife. He, like all of the men who visit me, knows that I never have sex with my clients – well not with the male ones at least. A man may well receive some satisfaction at my hands, or at the mechanical hands of the intriguing variety of ‘milking’ and masturbation machines to be found in my dungeon, but sex with me is not on the menu. The lack of penetration is rarely an issue with my visitors. They seek an experience which, whilst sexy and ultimately exciting, is centred more in their minds than in their testicles. For a complex variety of reasons they wish to be dominated, or controlled, or tightly bound in rubber or leather. They wish to be kinky and naughty and told off by a powerful and dominant woman. They wish to live out fantasies which may have haunted them from childhood. They long to test out their limits of pain, or suffocation or secret desires of bisexuality. In short, they are seeking new experiences far removed from the ‘vanilla’ intercourse of their everyday lives. My Manhattan-trip friend (many of my clients do go on to become friends) exhibited one trait which I have noticed over and over again in my years of intimately studying the male of our species. Returning to my side after each business meeting he was desperate to be mistreated and humiliated in every way possible. The more successful the business element of our trip became, the more urgent was his craving to be ‘taken down a peg or two’ by me. I have long known two truths about successful men: the more intelligent they are then the greater their desire for sexual adventure, and the more successful they are, the greater their need to be dominated. It is like the Chinese concept of yin and yang – a necessary balancing of their success with an equal measure of torment and despair. It does, thankfully, create a seemingly endless demand for me and for my fellow professional dominatrices around the world. All in all, my American trip proved to be as successful as Charles’ impressive sales’ achievements: a substantial addition to my bank balance, some shop-till-you drop fun in New York, a couple of days sightseeing as my client fulfilled his business obligations in the Big Apple, and an ‘interesting’ flight home. A not quite typical week in the life of Miss Miranda, aka ‘The Bondage Mistress’. Welcome to my world of professional domination.