be yourself, “A groundbreaking and well-written treatise on something be yourself, we all need and that has before this eluded clarity. This is Praise for RO an excellent book!”—Fred Luskin, Ph.D., author, Forgive for everyone else is already taken B Good, and director of the Stanford Forgiveness Project everyone else is already taken B I be Authenticity is the buzzword of the moment. N “Be true to yourself.” “Be your real self.” “Be the S “Mike’s book is a wonderful expression of authenticity in action—clear, person you were meant to be.” Th e message is loud honest, instructive, and a passionate call to be your true Divine Self.” and clear. Or is it? Th ere is pressure from all around —Cheryl Richardson, New York Times best-selling author, (our parents, teachers, spouses, co-workers, friends, yourself Take Time for Your Life and the media) telling us it’s more important to be liked and to fi t in than it is to be who we truly are. “Mike Robbins provides a clear guide for intelligently and compassionately We are also constantly bombarded with messages coming face-to-face with yourself and loving the person you meet. His fi ve telling us that we aren’t good enough and need to principles of authenticity teach us how to embrace and celebrate all aspects b be fi xed. of who we are and what it means to be a spiritual being having a human Written by Mike Robbins—best-selling author everyone else incarnation.” e and motivational speaker—Be Yourself, Everyone —Michael Bernard Beckwith, author, Spiritual Liberation Else Is Already Taken shows how you can overcome your fear about being who you really are and accept y “Be Yourself, Everyone Else Is Already Taken is an empowering and refresh- is already taken yourself without a mask, pretentions, bluff , or fakery. ing book about how to be successful, real, and fulfi lled in life. I highly Th is encouraging book will help you confront some o recommend it.” of your own personal challenges with honesty and —Gay Hendricks, New York Times best-selling author, Five Wishes u genuineness. It contains powerful ideas, principles, and practices that when integrated into your life on Th e Author “Mike Robbins has written a powerful, down-to-earth, and insightful book r a regular basis can help you access a deeper place on one of the most important aspects of happiness and fulfi llment in life— of truth within you. Be Yourself, Everyone Else Is s Mike Robbins is a sought-after motivational authenticity. Be Yourself, Everyone Else Is Already Taken will give you tools Already Taken will empower you to speaker and leader of personal development and techniques to enhance your life and relationships in a profound way.” e TRANSFORM YOUR LIFE • Confront and transform your fear workshops and coaching programs for indi- —Marci Shimoff , New York Times best-selling author, Happy for No Reason l viduals, groups, and organizations throughout WITH THE POWER OF • Express yourself fully and confi dently f North America. He is the author of the best- “Be Yourself, Everyone Else Is Already Taken reminds us that God created AAuutthh eennttiicciittyy • Deal with confl icts directly and resolve them each one of us for a unique purpose. We live in a world where the lines selling book Focus on the Good Stuff and has been eff ectively between fake and real have blurred. Th is powerful book teaches you how to featured on ABC News, the Oprah and Friends access and express the realness you crave in your work, your relationships, • Take risks and go for what you truly want in life radio network, Forbes, and many others. For and yourself.” • Keep things in perspective and have more fun more information about Mike and his work, visit —Jon Gordon, author, Th e Energy Bus • Trust, forgive, and celebrate yourself www.mike-robbins.com. SELF-HELP/PSYCHOLOGY U.S. $19.95 Canada $23.95 • Have more freedom, peace, and confi dence in your relationships, your work, and your life MIKE ROBBINS www.josseybass.com Being your authentic self is not for the faint of Jacket design by Paula Goldstein heart, but once you’re willing to truly engage and Author photo by Pamela Zacharias author of Focus on the Good Stuff do the work to become real, your life will be more exciting, meaningful, and fulfi lling! ffffiirrss..iinndddd SSeecc11::iiii 22//1111//0099 11::0000::3344 PPMM More Praise for Be Yourself, Everyone Else Is Already Taken “The title alone is such a profound reminder for all of us, and the book delivers a marvelous manual of authenticity. I’m so glad to recommend it and live its principles.” —SARK, author/artist, Juicy Pens, Thirsty Paper “In this book Mike Robbins challenges us to be ourselves, speak our truth, and live with authenticity. Utilizing these principles will allow you to take your life, work, and rela- tionships to the next level.” —Tom Rath, New York Times best-selling author, StrengthsFinder 2.0 “Mike Robbins has taken the concept of authenticity and put it on the map. With so many self-help books going over safe and well-worn territory, here is a groundbreaking and well-written treatise on something we all need and that has before this eluded clarity. This is an excellent book!” —Fred Luskin, Ph.D., author, Forgive for Good, and director of the Stanford Forgiveness Project “Be Yourself, Everyone Else Is Already Taken is a bold call for each of us to ‘wake up’ and be real. As Mike Robbins models, writes about, and teaches us, our world needs people who are will- ing and courageous enough to be vulnerable and authentic. This is an important book that gives you a pathway to being more real in your life, your work, and your relationships.” —Lynne Twist, author, The Soul of Money, and cofounder of The Pachamama Alliance “We criticize politicians for not being real with us, but when is the last time you tried to distinguish between ffffiirrss..iinndddd aa 22//1111//0099 11::0000::3333 PPMM your own ‘public self’ and the real you? Mike Robbins has tackled this timely topic with great skill and depth. What does it mean to live authentically? Are you truly being your- self? The answers are all here in this highly accessible, eye- opening book that is certain to have an impact on your life.” —Susan Page, author, Why Talking Is Not Enough “Mike Robbins knows the secret about the difference between presence and performance that all we perennial adolescents have to learn in this culture to finally grow up. And he is very articulate about it! He teaches that authenticity, intimacy, joy in living, and success in life depend upon our ability to be present to each other and honestly report what we have done, what we think, what we feel, and what we notice. And he also knows that we have to stick with each other until we are clear and complete, whether, in the end, we agree or disagree—no schemes, no hidden agendas, no bullshit. More power to you, Mike! This is a wonderful book!” —Brad Blanton, Ph.D., author, Radical Honesty “I cannot think of a better person than Mike Robbins to write a book on authenticity. He totally gets it and he knows how to communicate it. This is one of those books that will have you say, ‘that book changed my life!’” —Rich Fettke, coauthor, Extreme Success “Mike Robbins is a model of everything he teaches. Be Yourself, Everyone Else Is Already Taken is a call to action. It challenges all of us to be who we are and to live authentic lives.” —Yvonne and Rich Dutra-St. John, coauthors, Be the Hero You’ve Been Waiting For, and cofounders of Challenge Day “Mike Robbins and I were both blessed to have Richard Carlson as our dear friend. It’s through Richard that I have ffffiirrss..iinndddd bb 22//1111//0099 11::0000::3333 PPMM come to know Mike, whom I have discovered to be one of the most kind, positive, and loving human beings I’ve ever had the privilege to know. He has discovered how to be himself, his true Self, and with great candor, humility, and eloquence shares with the reader how to achieve the same in their own lives. This work is simple, complete, and pro- found. I highly recommend it for anyone who is done trying to be someone who they are not and wants to just be themselves.” —Joe Bailey, author, Fearproof Y our Life “Be Yourself, Everyone Else Is Already Taken is written with openness and passion. In this powerful book, Mike Robbins teaches us simple but profound ways to be more real and conscious in our lives and relationships.” —Kris Carlson, author, Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff for Women “Mike Robbins’s wonderful new book, Be Yourself, Everyone Else Is Already Taken, is a brilliant, insightful guidebook on the path to freedom . . . freedom from the fear of being unaccept- able and unworthy . . . freedom from the fear of not being ‘enough.’ Inside you—right now—a voice is crying out to be liberated from that prison of fear. Your heart longs to be free from pretense, deception, and insecurity. Your deepest, most ‘authentic’ being is crying out for honesty, acceptance, and unconditional love. Nurture that yearning and give that voice a song by reading and digesting this delicious, empowering book. I highly recommend it!” —John Welshons, author, Awakening from Grief “This book is for everyone who ever second-guessed them- selves. Mike Robbins shows you how to face your fears and tell the world the truth about who you really are. An inspiring ffffiirrss..iinndddd cc 22//1111//0099 11::0000::3333 PPMM writer—and a really cool guy—Mike Robbins is like Wayne Dyer meets Tony Robbins meets your most supportive friend. With inspiration, hope, and humor he takes you by the hand and shows you how to become who you were always meant to be.” —Lisa Earle McLeod, syndicated columnist, author, Finding Grace When You Can’t Even Find Clean Underwear “Mike Robbins writes with clarity and heart. Be Yourself, Everyone Else Is Already Taken gives you powerful tools and insights for living your life with greater depth, awareness, and authenticity.” —Christopher Andersonn, author, Will You Still Love Me If I Don’t Win? “An inspirational, accessible, and very practical book on cultivating essential practices and principles for maintain- ing one’s authenticity, self-respect, and self-trust, in order to be a consistent and original contributing force in one’s family, community, and the world. Relevant for all ages and professions!” —Angeles Arrien, Ph.D., author, The Second Half of Life ffffiirrss..iinndddd dd 22//1111//0099 11::0000::3344 PPMM be yourself everyone else is already taken ffffiirrss..iinndddd SSeecc11::ii 22//1111//0099 11::0000::3344 PPMM ffffiirrss..iinndddd SSeecc11::iiii 22//1111//0099 11::0000::3344 PPMM be yourself everyone else is already taken Transform Your Life with the Power of Authenticity Mike Robbins ffffiirrss..iinndddd SSeecc11::iiiiii 22//1111//0099 11::0000::3344 PPMM Copyright © 2009 by Mike Robbins. All rights reserved. Published by Jossey-Bass A Wiley Imprint 989 Market Street, San Francisco, CA 94103-1741—www.josseybass.com No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise, except as permitted under Section 107 or 108 of the 1976 United States Copyright Act, without either the prior written permission of the publisher, or authorization through payment of the appropriate per-copy fee to the Copyright Clearance Center, Inc., 222 Rosewood Drive, Danvers, MA 01923, 978-750-8400, fax 978-646-8600, or on the Web at www.copyright.com. Requests to the publisher for permission should be addressed to the Permissions Department, John Wiley & Sons, Inc., 111 River Street, Hoboken, NJ 07030, 201-748-6011, fax 201-748-6008, or online at www.wiley.com/go/permissions. Readers should be aware that Internet Web sites offered as citations and/or sources for further information may have changed or disappeared between the time this was written and when it is read. Limit of Liability/Disclaimer of Warranty: While the publisher and author have used their best efforts in preparing this book, they make no representations or warranties with respect to the accuracy or completeness of the contents of this book and specifically disclaim any implied warranties of merchantability or fitness for a particular purpose. No warranty may be created or extended by sales representatives or written sales materials. The advice and strategies contained herein may not be suitable for your situation. You should consult with a professional where appropriate. Neither the publisher nor author shall be liable for any loss of profit or any other commercial damages, including but not limited to special, incidental, consequential, or other damages. Jossey-Bass books and products are available through most bookstores. To contact Jossey-Bass directly call our Customer Care Department within the U.S. at 800-956- 7739, outside the U.S. at 317-572-3986, or fax 317-572-4002. Jossey-Bass also publishes its books in a variety of electronic formats. Some content that appears in print may not be available in electronic books. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Robbins, Mike, date. Be yourself, everyone else is already taken : transform your life with the power of authenticity/Mike Robbins. p. cm. Includes bibliographical references. ISBN 978-0-470-39501-1 (cloth) 1. Self-acceptance. 2. Self-esteem. 3. Self-realization. 4. Honesty. I. Title. BF575.S37R63 2009 158.1—dc22 2008053149 Printed in the United States of America FIRST EDITION HB Printing 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 ffffiirrss..iinndddd SSeecc11::iivv 22//1111//0099 11::0000::3344 PPMM